May 27th, 2018 My Highschool Library 2nd Floor
To the multiverse me who’s still in high school,
Hey it’s Frida. I never really liked my name. I always wanted it to be something easier to pronounce, something easier on the eyes, like Jessica. I thought Jessica was such a perfect name growing up. In my head, Jessica was a white girl who oozed beauty and who could easily capture you under her trance at a café or at a bus stop.
On the other hand, Frida was a strange name.
It was weird and lonely, because no one else shared it in Toronto, Land of the Multicultural. My name sounds like a small foreign girl who feeds pigeons by herself during recess. Well, at least the all-girls Catholic high school you’re in doesn’t have recess so you can’t feed the pigeons by yourself anymore. Maybe that’s a good thing, because now your new friends feed you from their lunches in the school library. A little bit of spaghetti here, a little bit of spring rolls there, and your self-made sandwiches mixed into your own taste palette. Your new friends call your name when they wanna gush over boys with eyeliner and to warn you when the librarian is coming by so you can hide your food.
My parents decided to name me after one of the most talented Mexican artists, Frida Kahlo, when I was born. Despite this great honor, I’ve still had such an awkward relationship with my name. Frida Kahlo painted beautiful self-portraits after her tragic bus accident, and she was a badass bisexual who wore suits and smoked and wrote poetry for her lover, Diego Riviera.
In my multiverse here, I was none of these things in high school. I didn’t drink nor smoke nor explore my sexuality in the small bubble of my all-girls Catholic high school. I didn’t like having my name called out for attendance.
And it’s taken me a such a long time to grow into my name, to begin liking how it rolls off the tongues of my friends. Occasionally, my name sounds so weird to me and I can’t picture anyone saying it without cringing. Frida Frida Frida.
Why do you have such a Mexican name when you don’t even “look” Mexican?
Why do you tell new people that they can just call you by Friday instead because it’s easier to pronounce? Why has that been your nickname and Gmail for so long?
By now, I’ve stopped telling people to call me by everyone’s favourite weekday. I think it’s part of growing up and becoming more serious about yourself as a result. I’ve always liked my two last names though, “Cerna Neri”. It made me feel different from the other kids with their single last names. Like I was special in some ridiculous way, you know.
Listen, Frida is a good name for you because there’s always a light note to it, a hopeful piece of gossamer attached to the tail of the last letter “a”. Rejoice in your name kid, because it’s as optimistic about the future as you and it continues the legacy of the coolest Mexican artist.
You are Mexican enough for your name.
I’m reaching the death of my teenagehood as I write you this letter. I’m already swimming to the isle of adulthood, which is going to be whole new universe for me to explore. Imagine all the tastes, all the people, all the experiences I’ll get to live through.
In two weeks, I’ll turn twenty. I know, I can’t believe someone let me live this long. But I’m really glad I’m here, still making a mess of things, still loving with all of my big heart, still writing and reading. My friends, the same ones who shared their food with you in high school, tell me that adulthood doesn’t hurt and that I won’t feel any different. Personally, I’m ready to move on from the melodrama of my teen years. By the time you read this lil Frida, I’ll be singing my head off to Lorde at my karaoke party. I’ll be in the company of the friends I adore, and I’ll be happily buzzed from cider.
If there’s one thing you must know before I go then it’s this: that I love you and your name forever, to the moon that you worship and back. Love your name, it’s beautiful and no one else you know has it so keep it safe in your heart.
I await you on the other side,
Frida Cerna Neri
p.s there’s wifi here and the password is: welcome
Find Frida on instagram, and twitter !Â
