#freli

No, I never really considered Frey with anyone else in SofA, but I also never considered that her and Fiil would be such a large part of SofA. I've said that a hundred times and still feel like I'm understating how much I expected y'all to hate her having a ship. Or liking her at all. I expected to need to massively sideline her. And then y'all enthusiastically commented that you adored her so I kept letting her further out of the box.

So yeah. Freli was supposed to be, if not an afterthought, then a minor story line. Like. Slightly above the level of Bofur and Nori. Putting her with Fili in particular mostly comes down to me being fascinated by the little bits of character that the film and book imply of Fili. Bc he's the heir, but he's less forward than his brother, but he'll defy his King for his brother. He dies telling them to run. He's got too many weapons and is good at them but also started a drinking song to fuck with the hobbit. He understands strategy but also thought Bilbo could steal the ponies. There's a bunch of odd pieces to him, and then massive open spaces to explore. Love that as a writer.

And I needed a character who would listen, but also be able to push others to listen. Also; pretty. Frey's initial thought in the fic was 'damn he's hot'

Quick BTS for you, they were supposed to make out sooner. Super early. I think it was pencilled into 5, then moved it to 11, then 13, then 14, then 16. For a hot minute I wasn't going to let them figure it out at all until after Smaug, but then the mini mental breakdown in the forest clicked, and I kept it. I'm really glad I didn't force it earlier, but at the time, I didn't recognize why those scenes didn't fit. Without me noticing, I'd started treating them more seriously, with more depth of connection than I expected.

But, Frey&Nori and Frey&Bifur and special to me. If I had to go with someone other than Fili in SofA, it's Nori. While first writing the outline, I considered having it be Nori with her for Smaug. Cause see.

Bifur looked at her and recognized that it was the language barrier causing her trouble and making her so angry. He knows the feeling. If I was willing to bend on writing him in actual khuzdul, he would have had more direct conversation, but y'all not speaking khuz makes him almost non-functional to write in long conversations. He's the actual catalyst though. Without him seeing her trying to learn the language, and then miming the word for King, Fili wouldn't have been told, and Fili wouldn't have talked to her again until the Goblins.

Nori recognized that she's working with what she's got. Bc he's been a criminal out of desperation, and is good at the same kind of thought process. None of the options are good, but you're trying to avoid XYZ, so you choose the least bad option. For real, it took him about twelve seconds to add Frey Wants to Help onto Threw Bilbo Off Ledge, and realize that the only way that made sense was if XYZ was realllllllly bad. Nori is used to being hated by the royals, so he has less of a jump to make before defending her. If I skip Fili -- honestly I broke my own brain, he's either Ace, or he's with Frey -- and Frey is with Nori, they would be such chaos agents. Nori would skip teaching her westron and want to learn english. He'd get her to talk about how the Durins shouldn't go in the mountain, and then find her the necessary drugs to ensure that. Nori has multiple 'fuck I should bail on this bullshit' moments in SofA. They echo Frey. And they both require approximately two and a half grains of rice to tip the scale back to fighting for this. AND. Nori is the one to tackle her under a dragon bc he knew she wasn't moving. If this ended up with Nori, Frey would still get threatened about stealing the arkenstone, but it would be Nori who stepped in to stop her execution.

Also, the Dwalin of it all. What he catches in Goblintown is that she's a crazy person whose singular goal is to protect the Durins. He supports that. He obvs doesn't admit it til later, but in Goblintown he caught that she was pulling attention to her to keep it off of Thorin. That's very stupid, and it would have gotten her tortured to death, and she didn't even hesitate. She then proceeds to do that again, but Harder, for the rest of the fic. Dwalin is a big fan of her by the end, not that he says so. He also ships it. Dwalin pulls out of the gold bc of whacking his head, but its also that if Fili is attacking Frey, something is Very Wrong. If Freya is betraying Fili, then shit's fucked.

I have a doc that will never see the light of day thats mostly time loop/back to the start snips and drabbles. The largest chunk is Dwalin and her both knowing, and it restarting the first time bc Dwalin hesitated, so Fili executed her.

But yeah. I broke my brain with these two. I also broke their brains. Fili's thought process post Gold would make a modern therapist rich af. Frey volunteered for a suicide mission for the sliver of a chance she could go back to him. Kiliel is all sweet and tender and finding beauty in the darkest points. Bagginshield is comfort and safety and the sturdiness of having a home. Freli is 'i will fight god and almost die and then scream at you for doing the same'

If she hadn't been caught, Fili would have found the letter sitting in his room after the council meeting ended. Yes, of course, he asked the guards about whether anyone was seen nearby, and wants to know how it got there, but he read the letter first. He asks around, but never tells the others why, and never tells anyone the letter exists.

Fíli - I am sorry. I did not want to leave you, and I tried to stay. I didn’t know it would happen, or I wouldn’t have promised that I’d stay with you. I’m trying to come back, but I can’t. Not yet. There’s something I have to do first. I am so sorry, Fíli, I know I hurt you. My friend convinced me to write. He’s writing it for me, and I think he’s fixing my words if it is confusing. (Only where critical -G) I’m not allowed to tell you anything about why I left, or where I went. I asked, but that’s part of the agreement; I can’t tell you. The friend writing doesn’t know either. I’m afraid I’ll vanish again if I say too much. Leaving this is a risk, but it might be my only chance to say anything.  It has been years, and I hope you haven’t thought of me much. I hope you got mad, and then moved on. I was good at making you mad. You’re a prince, and you have Erebor again, and your family, and I want you to be safe and to be happy. I’m scared that writing this might hurt you again. I’m scared that this is a mistake. Do not wait for me. Please. If there is someone else, be happy with them. Do not wait to be happy. I do not want to take away what makes you happy, and you should not wait.  I’m trying to come back to you. I don’t know if I will. There is something I must do first, and it is difficult. That is the agreement. After it is done, I can come back. I know I broke all my promises to you, and maybe you won’t believe me, but I wouldn’t have left you. I was never afraid of you. I miss you. I didn’t lie when I said that. I’ll prove that if I ever get to see you again.  Be safe for me. - Freya

---

They don't know to write to Elrond after Gollum attacks Bilbo, so they don't realize that his ring was the Ring, and Gollum was killed in the attack. They know his invisibility ring is missing, and Fili thinks that maybe Freya took the ring to help her do whatever it is that her letter talked about.

A few months later, an urgent call for aid comes from Gondor, and both Fili and Kili go south with the army to answer it. They're outside the Black Gate when the ground trembles, and suddenly, the enemy's army breaks and begins to flee. They watch Mount Doom erupting in the distance, and they cheer. They travel home before the winter, celebrating that the Dark Lord has been defeated, and toasting the new King of Gondor and the new White Wizard for the victory.

He never heard her say she was going to go South. Never heard her say Mordor. He knows she's doing something dangerous, but he never thinks she was involved with that war. She's reckless, but not that bad. Honestly, he's encouraged about the Enemy falling because it has made the world a safer place to travel.

So, he waits for her.

She said not to, but he's young, he's a dwarf, and before her letter showed up, he was already waiting for her to come back.

Years pass. A decade. Almost two.

Eventually, because someone had to, because Fili wouldn't ask this from his brother, he agrees to the marriage the Council has included in an alliance negotiation. It means that when Freya comes back, it won't be what he once thought it would, but she told him not to wait on happiness for her.

Not that he's happy. He hasn't been in a long time, but Thorin spends more time in the Shire as Bilbo gets older, and the Mountain needs a King, and maybe, if Fili deserves it, she'll come back.

He knows he should be happy when his sons are born. He knows he should be happy when Thorin steps down, and Fili is crowned King. He knows he should be happy to see Kili with Tauriel, and see that the Mountain is flourishing, and see peace spreading over the lands. He isn't happy, but he pretends well enough.

Kili has been watching the whole time, knows how deeply empty and cold his brother feels, and has tried to find anything new that could help ground him. He knows his brother needs something to hold on to, something that he can find joy in, because Fili will eventually have to admit that Freya is never coming back. He thought the children might be enough. They weren't, and Kili is terrified, but he hasn't found an answer.

It's been more than thirty years since the Enemy was defeated when an elf visits Erebor. Forty years have passed, yes, but Glorfindel is in many of the stories of the Battle for Erebor and the Company takes it as an excuse to have a party and reminisce.

Glory didn't know if he was going to tell them when he arrived at Erebor. He's avoided it for the last decades for a reason, and only came because stories about the young King of Erebor, colder than stone, had reached Rivendell. When someone asks, finally, if Glory ever heard from Freya again after the night she vanished, he won't lie. Not about her, even though she made him promise.

He tells them yes, and tells them about the Ring, and the fellowship. That he went with her into Mordor to protect her, and that she destroyed the Ring. He tells them that she did not escape the eruption, and shows them the scars he carries from it. There is no use in telling them that she didn't try to escape it; the dwarves that knew her are already upset.

They toast her with a sense of bitter pride that turns to jokes about how they're not surprised by it.

Glory goes to find King Fili after. This, above everything, was why Freya made him promise not to tell the dwarves about what happened. By the time they were inside Mordor, she knew she wouldn't survive it, and begged Glory not to make it worse by telling Fili how. To this King of Dwarves, who wears emptiness like a robe, he hands a pair of beads, and tells more of the story. That she loved him. That she never stopped. That she was trying to get back to him. That she wanted Fili to forget and move on and be happy. That Glory was here because Fili wasn't happy.

Fili has that letter memorized, so he knows Frey did that for him. Knows that, for whatever reason, she had to do that, or she couldn't come back. Knows, while looking at the beads Glory brought, which she gave him near the end, but kept wearing the braids, that if he'd been with her, it would have ended differently.

Kili was right. He'd been waiting for her. Without that to hold onto -- the elves call it Fading. For dwarves, it's Stone. But there are no ships to sail west and ease their suffering. Dwarves endure. They harden, and they close themself off, and whatever bits of happiness they'd managed to find are lost because they no longer have something to ground them. There is no healing it. There is no stopping it. He turns to Stone, and serves as King for another hundred and fifty years, entirely safe, but unable to be happy at all.

He doesn't know until after, none of them know until they enter the Halls of their Maker, that Mahal brought Freya there.

Many dwarves in the Halls know her, but its Frerin and Vili who talk to members of the Company about it as they join them in the Halls. They talk about how she fought, and how she died, and that she didn't expect to wake there. And they talk about how she didn't rest, or find comfort once she realized where she was. That she watched Erebor, and they talk about how she raged and grieved as Fili kept waiting for her to return.

All of them, eventually, ask where she is so they can see her again and thank her for what she did.

It's usually Vili that has to answer. They can't go see her.

The base thought was just, what would their designations be? And I went in circles for way way too long before accepting that that’s A/A with a very slight chance that Fi could be a beta. Which then brought me to the alternate omegaverse version of SofA where she gets dropped into hobbiton and the valar provide appropriate equipment (but still no knowledge of westron which is even funnier in this situation. Genetic and anatomical changes? Free with ticket. Translation services? Go fuck yourself)

So. That means Frey would arrive, thinking she’s either dreaming or tripping, and would realize she now has a penis. This would only reinforce the belief that this is for sure a dream. But, eventually she’d realize she is not dreaming, which brings about the realization that makes me giggle everytime I remember it.

Her first thought would not be Omegaverse. Her first thought would be: damn, middle earth really hates women, huh? Followed rapidly by: oh hey I can pee standing up now, that’ll make camping easier! Depending on the iteration of omegaverse though, if she still has a period to deal with, there would be significant violence.

It would take so long for her to realize the actual scenario. So. So. So. Long. Folk smell weird? Yeah, but everything smells weird and deodorant doesn’t exist and we haven’t seen soap in weeks. Thorin is all growly and aggressive? Honestly that’s not a change from what I originally wrote. Hierarchy of rank and interactions she doesn’t understand? See previous. People keep thinking she’s threatening them? Probably because of he joking about Azog. Her new magic penis is not like the penises she’s previously encountered? This would maybe get close, but tbh, it’s a magic dick from fantasy land with elves and orcs, she’d accept that this was normal here.

Someone would point at her in Rivendell and says she’s an Alpha, and she would just nod cause it seemed like they expected her to say yes. They could have been saying giraffe, she would have nodded. Her best guess is that it means something like Prone to Yelling, since she’s heard them say it about Thorin.

My beloved idiot daughter’s default setting is This May As Well Happen. she got isekaiied into middle earth, there is very little she wouldn’t accept at face value in the initial realization. So. Frey could easily get all the way to Smaug, who would have the fandom words for it, before she caught on. And then the only person who could explain anything gets dead a couple hours later. (Please pause and imagine the first English she hears is Smaug telling her she’s in an omegaverse)

Because let’s be honest, she is already possessive and protective and bitey and prone to doing very stupid things when they piss her off. She was already trying to throw down with scary people and intimidate them. She would be Worse, but not different. Other than new hardware, she wouldn’t notice until she got hit with a clue by four, which might not arrive until actual sex, and even then? Cannot overstate how blindered she can be. It might not be enough.

Pray for the boy though. Shouty confusing alpha woman keeps showing up and acting like social norms don’t exist and clearly has no idea how to behave or regulate a scent. He is baffled. He is concerned. He is asking if Nori has certain supplies on hand. She is a terrible fighter by every possible metric but has tapped into a kind of feral alpha rage thing which is definitely the only reason she’s not dead. She almost manages to out-alpha Thorin. She wins a stare down with a bear-shifter-alpha-giant. Fili is alarmed and confused and maybe a little in love. Kíli is about to pass out he’s laughing so hard.

-

So yeah. That’s the unhinged thing that occurred to me. I don’t know if it’s the type of headcanon you were expecting. I’ve never thought about non deranged versions here. Like. The point of transformative work is to poke at stuff, so I’m sure there’s a version with any possible designation combo, but… as written, my daughter is an alpha, and fandom norms for that are scarce.

She sorta gets it? She knows he cares all the way back in 20. After 37 she's very confident in that, and places herself at #3 on his list of priorities, which is very cool to her. Mostly confident she can call it love by then. But. the thing she cannot comprehend is How Much. Even with a full Sam Gamgee, she doesn't understand. Not because of some nonsense about self worth or not deserving him.

One of my notes says 'its a dwarf thing' You know how we always talk about the obsessive/possessive/greedy thing? I've always liked taking that as feeling More about things, good or bad. As in, more than our world is capable of. She can't get her head around that.

If its any consolation, Fili also doesn't grasp that she's on a scale 'Will Fight God' about him.

And this is not any kind of consolation, but Frey is not wrong about his top priority. It's Kili, Erebor, Her. Like, if you manufactured a situation where both were about to die and he could only choose one, the answer is Kili. But. It would destroy him. If he had no time to think, decades of instinct would save Kili, then he'd realize what he did, and it'd fuck him up. If he had time to think, his brain would say Kili, and then he'd short circuit, probably save neither, and it'd fuck him up.

btw 37 had to be Kili pov bc if it was Fili, it would have been depressing thanks to 10 years of reinforcing a faulty belief, and if it was Freya, it would have been incoherently stressed due to all the Valar stuff.