#fpsd

I miss the nonsensical fiction we wrote for ourselves You're my unsolved mystery and it kills me to think I could ever have been yours I guess who last broke your heart Still haunts you I guess the timing wasn't right But either way I never got to tell you So now I am haunted with deaf words While you're still haunted By the nameless girl

The thing is that the pieces of me were worn and shattered but I was still woven together by the strings of reverie Then today came And the wind caught the strand And I began to unravel Pieces I had taught myself to carry Fell apart at the seams All I could do was watch as the broken shards dropped I realized that I have nothing left But those broken puzzle pieces Of my life I was once told That it was a thing of beauty To be a mosaic of a human Like an artwork But nobody ever truly loves Or understands Art From anything but a distance So I am here watching the wind Blow what I have left away Alone

"The first was an uneasy and hesitant thing like submerging your body in a winter's lake He was the push and pull of the tides manipulating and uncomfortable but convincing enough When the push was the only truth to him I was left to drown from not giving in Alone The next was the soft caress like a breeze, but was too cold to be more than a distant and kind admiration Succumbing to being weary was the whirlwind when he left me to fly alone Again Blonde hair and blue eyes with the laugh of a movie and the venom of a python Twisting and contorting trust and throwing me away for anyone else Still believing that I am that naive without knowing of all of the others but I know. I wish I didn't. Again Then there was you. The perfect combination of melody and intoxication. Eyes of the ocean with the push and pull of possibilities, a whirlwind of laughter and music and understanding and want and you goddamnit and you. It was like a Fucking movie plot and then you were gone. You were the magic act, the one who had orchestrated the perfect show for the female heart and maybe I have you wrong. Maybe I fucked it all somehow and I just don't understand. It was all too rhythmic and too strong so naturally it had to disappear. Why did you go? Again. I've been alone for too fucking long and I've never had anyone. I don't know what love is or what it's like. I always pass through like another face and the goddamn cycle is ripping me apart. I'm tired of drowning and crashing and I sound like a child, I know. Please please don't let me be the music box. Don't wind me up to let me play and then shut me off. I'm tired of entertaining you when I just want to forget. It's been too long and too much for me please forgive me if I seem a little lonely" -Fpsd

"I miss our pointless conversations where neither of us were brave enough to tell each other what we really wanted to because I know I didn't want to lose you. Now it's 11am on a Friday and I don't remember what it's like to walk past you and smile and know we could have something. It's been so fucking long but I still feel the same way I did, but maybe you don't so I haven't tried to Even tried to force myself to realize that you still exist. But Jesus do I miss you and I haven't gone a day without my heart trying to pound itself out of my chest to you when I see you in the hallway and it hurts like hell" -Fpsd

"It aches you know, I never had the chance to know you. Your quirks or ticks or even how to make you laugh. We were never anything, I know it was all in my mind, but it still feels like I broke a piece of myself off and left it with you. I don't know what's worse, knowing that I accept I was only ever another face, or that I feel like I lost something I never actually had. I guess now I'll act like it never mattered to me anyways, it looks like it works for you so I might as well try. I'm sure I'll see clearly through these stupid blurry eyes soon. I swear I'm just tired, I'm perfectly ok" -Fpsd

"It's a pity really, how I was drowning in your eyes, but I was just another drop of water in your ocean that only came and went with the current of your thoughts" -Fpsd