#fourty-one

what i do is that i compartmentilize my emotions i.e. i only let myself feel the emotions when i allow. of course sometimes i cant control it and my emotions overflow. so jonghyun isn't gone to me. he isn't. i listen to his music and look at the moon and think about him. everything goes back to him it really does. he's alive in my heart and i keep him alive in my memories. when i think about jonghyun, i don't think about his passing at all or what he's missing. i think about how much i love him. how talented he is. how much he struggled. his music. his personality. his words and quotes from him. his role in shinee. his voice. the moon. how i pray to him when i need help or guidance. how he's helped me in return. how i feel that he's responding to me in my mind, even though i know it's not possible. however the closer we get to december..i don't know how i'll handle it and i'm scared. i'm so scared.

The next time he came by himself, and I didn‘t see his wife for months. When she returned for the fall show she was in the company of a marshmallowy fag she‘d hired as her fashion counselor. The two of them went to a lot of trouble to make it known to everybody that they didn‘t take any notice of me nor of whatever I was presenting ...