#foughtevil

fuck me. do i want to talk about hook ? no, actually. i don’t want to talk about hook at all because he’s a pansy ass fucking hypocrite who get’s excused from all his bullshit just because he’s banging the fucking savior. but oh hoe, oh hoe hoe, it’s okay because he’s “redeemed” himself. i’m sorry, how the fuck did he redeem himself ? “but lara, hook came back for everyone to take them to neverland! he helped save henry! he loves emma!” fuck off, that is complete assfuckery ok. he came back for everyone to take them to neverland ? yeah, after he helped gary and tammy fucking torture regina. “but lara, she deserved it, she’s done worse so it’s ok and it wasn’t his fault” fuck off is going to be a real common phrase here. she did not deserve to be fucking electrocuted until she passed the fuck out. what the fuck ? and it ***is*** his fault, he’s the one who fucking delivered her to them with a red fucking bow on her head. 

( also side note, read my meta on magic   –   he could’ve fucking killed her suppressing her magic with that band ok fuck me dead )

and everyone conveniently forgets that he was leaving with the bean in the fucking first place ? he didn’t do jack shit to help with the failsafe except run the fuck away. but oh no, we should definitely praise him for coming back. but, but hang on. why did he come back ? no seriously, why did he come back ? because there’s some contra-fucking-dictory information there because at the send of season two it was because he owed it to neal, who as far as anyone is aware, is fucking dead. but in the first fucking episode of season three, it’s because he’s in fucking love with emma fucking swan. where the fuck did that come from ? who gives a fuck that she just watched the father of her child “die” noooooo she’s blonde and she has legs so ofc she should spread them for him because he’s a fucking pirate and he wears a lot of leather and wears more fucking eyeliner than regina which makes him automatically attractive to everyone. i mean, that’s fine. that’s ok. it’s not like he didn’t constantly harass the woman until she gave in, it’s not like he can’t take no for an answer. oh wait, hang on… that is exactly what it was like. interesting. 

and i’m not sorry, but how the fuck did he “help save henry?” he did jack shit on that island. literally. jack. shit. they could’ve found another way there, i have hc’s about it but that’s not the fucking point right now. the fucking point is that he couldn’t even lead them through the fucking island so what was his actual purpose on this rescue mission except try to get in emma’s pants ??? they should’ve taken ruby instead. at least she could’ve tracked henry’s scent ffs. 

but then, but then they all come back from neverland, and emma and henry get sent away, and everyone else returns to the enchanted forest, but he’s so in love and so good now that he absolutely has to be the one to seek out emma and return her memories so she can come back and save the fucking town which, might i add as a side note, she didn’t even fucking do??? fucking regina saved the town assholes, fite me. idk, maybe the other mother of henry should’ve been the one to track emma down, maybe the biological father of henry should’ve been the one to track emma down, maybe one of emma’s parents should’ve been the one to track emma down. noooooo it had to be the pirate. and he couldn’t even do that properly! who the fuck just goes up to someone and is all “your life isn’t real, your same age parents from another world are in trouble, you never raised your son, come with me” ????? like seriously ?

but he’s completely fucking useless then too. doesn’t do jack shit about zelena, doesn’t do jack shit about breaking the curse, doesn’t do jack shit about helping anyone except emma because they’re true fucking love. are you kidding me ? seriously ? his only purpose in that plotline was to fucking make out with another woman so that emma can’t use her magic and everyone happens to forget that he did that ? fuck off. but you know, that’s fine because everything he didn’t do has absolutely redeemed him in the eyes of everyone. 

let me just point out that he has absolutely no fucking character development whatsofuckingever and nothing was ever addressed about his three hundred year attempt at revenge on rumplestiltskin. that animosity disappeared as quickly as emma’s pants did. 

and then he and emma go and do literally the stupidest fucking thing you can do. they went and fucked around in the past. what the actual fuck ? did emma not watch back to the future ? were they not listening when regina explained what would happen if zelena changed the past so she wouldn’t exist ? they literally changed the whole fucking story and saved a woman who was sentenced to prison. they didn’t know who the fuck she was, they didn’t know why she was imprisoned. regina could’ve had a valid fucking reason for it but nooooo they know better so they’re going to save this random woman and bring??? her??? back??? to??? the??? future??? couldn’t just leave the bitch there and had her explain it as “i escaped” fuck no, that would be too logical. 

and we all know hook and emma are all about the logic #sarcasm

but as if he couldn’t get any worse, he fucking went and proved me wrong and he got fucking worse. dark swan plot comes along and he’s all “we have to save emma!!!” as if they’re not already going to try ??? you’re not the only one who fucking cares about her not being a dick to everyone, captain dumbass. but you know, it’s okay to endanger a twelve/thirteen ( how the fuck old is henry in season three ok because the fucking timelines suck ) year old kid against his mother’s fucking wishes because he wants to go on some gung-ho mission without a fucking plan to save his other mother who, if he really fucking knew the woman, wouldn’t want henry involved in the first fucking place ???? or at least, if she was a decent mother she wouldn’t ????

and i’m not sorry but i’m pretty sure he didn’t do jack shit in camelot either ??? like literally did nothing that was even remotely helpful at all. but he ragged on regina who was doing literally everything she possibly could ??? and ragged on her for asking emma to save robin but then he goes and gets himself turned in to the fucking dark one and sent down to hell but it’s okay for literally everyone to go on a fucking rescue mission to save him even though he’s completely useless and no one cares about him except for emma ???? he should’ve gone to hell a fucking century ago, nothing would’ve changed in the story, him not being a part of the show wouldn’t have affected shit about the fuckery that is once upon a time anyway. 

                     “ So how’re you holding up, Regina? “                     Of course it’s a form of small talk, but David really never considered small talk an option when it came so easy for him to talk to those he truly cared about. His charismatic charm often rubbed off on those around him, and he always just wanted to make sure ─ even with the newly lightened environment , that everyone was doing just fine.  Everyone was mingling, and for a moment Charming felt as though he needed to say this ─ she needed to know that it came genuinely and without the assumption that he was saying this because he felt like he was supposed to. No, he wanted to. 

@foughtevil