#forya

Constantly thinking of you, but I’m okay. It pains me to see others be who I want us to be, because I know the potential we have. It’s just so easy between us, I could literally never kiss you but being with you makes me feel like I am falling in love every single time I am with you. 

I am scared because I just got you back but I have to let you go all over again. Yes the circumstances are much different than the first time around but it’s just scary to leave a love to rest for a bit, because what if it doesn’t come back? What if you come back not feeling the same way you once did? 

I can’t predict what will happen, and can not linger on you while you are not around. Granted, it’s better for the both of us and I truly feel that in my core that I need this just as much as you do and it’s going to better the both of us to be apart, and truly give ourselves the attention we’ve both lacked for ourselves for a really long time. Not many people would understand this situation in all of the ways, but I know we do.

 I just feel like I found my best friend, and can’t believe that this is even real, but i’m happy. When I’m with you and you say “i’m happy” it literally melts my heart lol it’s so cute. I’m rational and clear minded, i’ve grown a lot and i’m much older and have experienced so much with you that I could never let my heart be so fragile ever again.

 I won’t lie though, this has been hard as fuck and more painful than I intended, because I know from the first fucking time I saw you in seven years that I was completely in love all over and was both shocked, amazed, and just so emotional that it threw my head all over the place, but I know that you can not save me from the mess of my life right now. 

I haven’t been this weak since we probably broke up to be honest. I can’t even fathom that i’m here right now, and have been in this state of mind for the past almost year or so. It’s painful as fuck to think I came so far, and fell so low back again. I’m actually trying again, slowly buy surely. Changing up my environment, going out of my comfort zone, letting go of people I need to let go of, including you. I only pray that if I let you go for now that we will find our way back to each other, and that you find yourself and I find myself in the process of it all, for real.