#fortunately sober

anyways

went to a friend’s birthday tonight. his other friend (that i am also friends with cause i met him last year at my friend’s birthday party LMAO) is friends with my rapist after they met in college last year.

i’ve wanted to tell him for about a year now who he’s friends with. i didn’t know how to. but tonight, it like. lowkey came up naturally???? it’s hard to explain (it’s not—he’s a drag queen & i told him i wanted to see him perform but i couldn’t cause i can’t go to his campus & he was like ‘for why!’ and i dead said ‘i have ops there’ 💀💀 and he goes ‘who??? i low key know like everyone there’ and i was like ‘i know u know him’ and he was like ‘oh shit???? who???’ and like started GUESSING PEOPLE and i was like SHHHHHH cause yk ingrained fear of 1, talking about it out loud in front of people, and 2, i still can’t say the fuckers name, and it’s still hard for me to hear it)

anyways so i told him.

AND THEN I FOUND OUT SOME CRAZY SHIT

first, they have a matching tattoo together, which like :((( but also is kinda funny to me for some reason???? idk lol

also like friend kinda knew he’s done some stuff with some girls (i’m trans btw LMAO if that wasn’t known already) but we didn’t rly get into that

but yea anyways so he slept with his sister in law

HELLOOOOOOO

judging the fuck out of that cause i think i know who she is & i prob got cheated on (i know i did but also probably with her too LMAO—also yea i dated the fucker but that was so like a little over four years ago now i do still have PTSD tho but oh well!)

anyways

i don’t know anything but i’ve been invited to like continue the conversation with my friend & im nervous cause i haven’t rly heard anything new abt my rapist in years cause like i don’t really give a fuck but also like…. ugh. i fear im still morbidly curious. i did fully genuinely accidentally hyperfixate on my trauma after it happened tho so i have to be careful

anyways that’s all!!!! i didn’t know who to tell so i just opened tumblr lol cause it’s been awhile since ive posted & this feels post worthy lol