#foreverherjohnny

I hope time makes a difference. I hope that you’ll find it in your heart to give me another chance someday. I hope you heal, I hope you find what makes you happy. I hope we find each other again someday. Hang in there, you got this. Call me when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.

Back in Arizona, back to being lonely. It was a great two weeks with my love while it lasted.

It's been a very long weekend. Yesterday was 10 hours of dance competition, today was over 18 hours at dance competition. I've been busy for the last 48 hours, going going going and all that's been on my mind is you. I miss you so much. I walked into my house and immediately felt your absence. All I wanted was a hug from you, someone to welcome me home but not just anybody. I want you. It's been two weeks since I last saw you and I know that's not a long time but you fit so perfectly into my life and you being gone is felt so strongly. I know it's only about to get worse when you leave for basic but right now this about all I'm strong enough to handle. Even still, I'm just going to lay in bed and cry myself to sleep because I just hurt. I can't even feel my body over how much my heart hurts in this moment. I miss you so much.

I just want to ride those old dirt roads with you again.

I was hanging out at school after striking from our show tonight and there was this couple sitting outside across the sidewalk from me. They were just sitting there quietly holding hands doing the thumb thing and sharing the occasional kiss. They looked so relaxed and content in that moment. After awhile she stood up to leave and he hugged her from where he was sitting and was rubbing the back of her leg and she was scratching his head and that's where I just lost it. I started crying in the middle of a busy sidewalk watching them like some creeper. It's been four months and two weeks since I've seen your handsome face in person. I miss you like crazy. I know we went a year and a half but we almost didn't make it. We are barely making it now. I miss you so much. It's so hard to go everyday with you barely existing in my life. I know other couples have it so much worse than us and I shouldn't complain. We have gained a lot of ground in the last four years and things are slowly....extremely slowly....getting better. The only thing that's not looking up is the distance. There's no end in sight for that one. I wish I had all the money to come see you and be able to spend time with you. I wish you could come see me and see what my life is like here. I want you to meet the people who are important to me out here. I wish you could see GCU, I wish you could see me dance.... I don't want to do it anymore and I'll keep doing it because I love you and you're my best friend and other half but it hurts. If I could have one wish it would be that we could close the distance the fastest way possible. I just want a life with you in it.

If I close my eyes and count to three, will you be standing there when I open them again? 

You know how you always say we will talk or hang out when I get home but then I get home and you're already asleep? .....yeah.