Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

"Uh, sir, that's my emotional support homunculus."

"What does he do when he's not murdering hobos?"

"Nothin' like an uppercut to the Willy."

"So we just have to pop over, beat all those guys up and then go home."

"You ain't had pussy since pussy had you."

"I have good luck while cooking but I don't think that's enough to save all of you."

"Ok but serious question: can I fuck a ghost?"

"Sayonara, you eugenic fuckwits!"

"Just put your dick in it!"

"I want to kill people with my munchkin abilities."

"I'm pretty exclusively a monster fucker."

"Nyeh! I'm the gaping dragon! Feel my gape!"

"Expectations? Low. Hopes? High. For everything else, there's Mastercard."

"You could literally walk to Hell, it was like a mile from the city."

"I'm sorry, is this fuckin Wakanda for furries?"

"Hey guys, did you know you can find sounding rods on Wish?!"

"Also, I want to shove this soundtrack up my ass-!"

"YES! YOU CAN PUMMEL THE CHILDREN!"

"That's Penis-face Magoo."

"___, you are the first person I've ever heard... that uses fuck as a comma."

"You aren't even Catholic- the fuck are you crossing yourself for?!"

"Your head is so far up your ass, I'm surprised you  haven't broke your fucking spine yet."

"I've been a neurosurgeon. I've been a lieutenant governor- I've done everything! Except have a meaningful homosexual relationship."

Part 1 Part 2

"My actions speak otherwise but I definitely said I was against it."

"You can't get cancer if you're already dead!"

"Monster fucker always applies."

“You could try, but I’m 120 years old of spite and gay.”

"So. You're telling me that this thing is almost as old as God's ass Crack?"

"___ is as innocent as Satan's cat."

"This is my apartment. I don't wear clothes in my apartment. You're lucky I was wearing this."

"All we wanted was some Church's Chicken."

"Just an animal wearing jorts with a gun."

"Actually fuck you for that screenshot quality."

"I can't help it- I get moist for med students. I get frisky for physicians."

"Silly putty implies that serious putty exists and its called C4."

"I'm not a proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one."

"Meth ruined cat burglars!"

"That's quite the prank, eternal damnation."

“Grits are like Crack.”

"Wow, how does it feel to be an actual criminal?"

"You could use god's keys. That's what I call bricks."

"He's got his, uh...boxing bags out..."

"Anyway, let's bounce before anymore monsters fall in love with me!"

"Turn that shit up, Chumsley! I'm having a religious experience!"

"Or option 3...it's really just Ben Shapiro in a wig."

"They're honorary lesbians now. I have the power to grant that."

“That’s a hefty penis!”

“Can’t fail a stealth mission if there’s no survivors.” 

“WHY IS HOMEBOY IN A BANANA HAMMOCK?!” 

“Oh, this room looks like a nightmare- that’s fun!” 

“I swear the colors looked a lot better high.” 

“I’m sorry, we were talking about your tit pics.” 

"We've had a lot of fun here, but you know what's not fun? Stabbing people in restaurants."

"If they can't piece together bread with meat inside, I'm glad they're dead."

"Santa Claus gets me stuff sometimes and I'm like: is this dude in love with me?"

"He's a fucking criminal, ___."

"Maybe this was the origin story for Jigsaw."

"I'll split the damages and light the rest of the bitch on fire."

"Give me a heads up if you start feeling murderous."

"No, that was self-defense. This is outright murder."

"If there's any cultists out here, I gotta warn ya. My pal has a watergun."

"It's a funhouse built on top of a historical atrocity."

"Why does Stephen King look like a fuckin' Who?"

"Hey there, crazy. That's a box."

"Bitch, you literally have a loofah of hair!"

"It's the velvet, that's why you're so aggressive."

"Please don't play chicken with your 3 year old when you're driving an SUV."

"You can't grammatically construct a fucking sentence but you can spell conceited correctly- I'm so fucking mad."

"Sorry, I'm bi. Going straight is going to be pretty difficult."

"I need that cape. In my life."

"Get fucked Satan."

"You can't just be like 'oh wait yeah, I stabbed someone with a pencil'!"

"I love that you have an attack-manlet."

"Do I even need to censor this? I swear to God, Susan!"

“Go to Chili's and bully them into putting some salsa in a jar.“

"Listen, I was told there was booze. If there's no booze, Imma just bounce."

"I just like catgirls. Quit. Crucifying. Me. Internet."

“Then he unstabs our dad.”

"Are they wearing Crocs? If they are, I think that's the biggest sin in this photo."

"No! No, no, no, no, just- no! Also, that nipple piercing- but no!!"

"Sneaky-sneaky murder fun-time."

"You just shamwow'd us so hard there's not a drop of moisture in a two mile radius."

"I know your language, but I have no idea what the fuck you just said."

"Its not exorcism, its forced relocation!"

"I don't fuck you- I let the system fuck you."

wahs seductively

"I'm only 120 years old, I'm too young to die."

"There's a magic burrito bush."

"If everyone is an apple tree, then ____ is a crab apple. You can bite into a sour apple and it tastes great. But you bite into a crab apple, everyone gets hurt and it's just bad."

"Unlike you, the plastic has an off switch."

"Bless this child! She's out for blood and it's the best!"

"I'm more of a juggalo, but I have brony tendencies. "

"I'm sorry, this conversation needs to end, I have to go cry in the corner."

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  Part 4 Part 5

"I love Blackjack up until I lose."

"Semantic ambiguity is how vampires get you."

"Question: where are my nipples? Have I ever had nipples?"

"___ is only a couple checkmarks away from diagnosing me with lycanthropy."

"I diagnose you with a chronic case of dog."

"But seriously, the lore is a clusterfuck."

"It's not PG unless it's gay."

"This a good Christian channel; there shall be no profanity here. …YOU MASSIVE TWAT-"

"You've got an ass of titanium and a dildo of steel."

"You were doing so good until you opened your mouth!"

"As a tiefling myself, I have to say: Go screw yourself, I'll be a demon wherever I want."

"Are you gonna lose respect for me if I start drinking at 9AM?"

"Who put a dick in this box?"

"I'M NOT FUCKING HERCULES, I DON'T NEED TO BE TRIED LIKE THIS!"

"I CAN'T GET A GRIP, MOTHER FUCKER, I'VE ONLY GOT ONE HAND!"

"Why is it always the rich ones? I mean, what are they like, 'croquet's alright, but you know what would be great? Murder.'"

"How many birds do I have to dismember in bootcamp?"

"She used the money she earned from stripping to put herself through school to become a mortician."

"I forgot this was the side with all the big fuck you numbers."

"Chasmic might not be a real word; but it should be."

"That may be the worst justification for a man holding his penis I've ever heard and I'm two hundred years old."

"I don't have to be nice anymore, I'm aerodynamic now!"

"Go fuck yourself with a 12 inch cactus, you goddamn-"

"Unanimous from Church of ___: cleavage never dies."

“I’m pissing in your goddamn sink. Take care of your toilet issues!”

"I'll bury my damn self, I don't need you."

"You look like a deflated soccer ball, my dude."

"I'm going to be willfully ignorant because it's funnier that way."

"Work will wait; beer needs attention."

"now get in the bag so I can go see my fucking wife."

"I'm not saying I'm an alcoholic but my God."

"I just hate it when my bustles come undone."

"Fuck that demon, he's whitewashing the history of this house."

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  Part 4

"I want an intergalactic bounty hunter for a girlfriend."

"If you punched me in the crotch, you'd break your fucking fist."

"We peacefully committed arson."

"Cruella Deville was the first E-girl."

"Just shut up and let me ruin your life; it'll be funny!"

"This is the risk you run when strange things give you boners!"

"I can yeet mountains and make land barren."

"If I played a Slenderman game where he wore a schoolgirl outfit, it would be 10 times more terrifying. I'm just saying."

"I don't fear Hell anymore because Earth has got Gacha."

"I'm here to start shenanigans. If that includes overthrowing a tyrant, its assumed that was intentional."

"Whoops, it's all catboys!"

"Viv is goin' in RAW, you're getting this shit BAREBACK."

"The myth of Hades and Persephone is the original Pastel Goth love story."

"Who the FUCK puts a red, black and grey CAMO PAINT JOB on a FERRARI?!"

"Wet is what your girlfriend doesn't get, Richard."

"Hold my beer, I'm gonna show you why my name is on the door."

"Its not matter of if she'll stab you, just when."

"After all, souls aren't gonna sell themselves, you know?"

"My eyeliner looks way too good today to cry-"

"I ask you simple questions and you scream for 20 minutes."

"My hobbies include smoking weed and swimming with dolphins."

"I never told my husband how old I was- I mean, he figured it out but like, that's information I just don't like to share!"

"Excuse you, it's not my fault your bathroom looks like a Jackson Pollock painting!"

"What happens when your dad leaves you at home with your tutor, your boyfriend and an entire army? Apparently you take over most of the known world."

"That's a thong, Evelyn."

“You have two skeletons inside you right now that is double the amount I have. You are my sweet special Eldritch Horror.”

"I don't even know what that sentence is but I like kangaroos, so I'll accept it!"