Optimistic! Realistic! Pessimitic at times...

...but nonetheless I remain steadfast, I'm so excited to continue stepping out of my comfort zone....

A: :'( i just want to call you and sulk for the rest of the night about how crappy this evening was.

V: Go ahead. I got nothing on.

A: But i don't want to call. Im so tired and pissed at myself :(

V: Then txt. Ill tell u my evening. I was at the school hall for four hrs practicing. Now u go. :)

A: Freaking :( i feel like a crapass daughter. Just spent 600bux on dinner, and i feel so freaking pathetic for my mum :(

V: What the heck happened?

A: I can't express my anger at myself thru a text. Far out. Im just sitting on my bed crying my eyes out :/ I wish i never had freaking birthdays. I hate it how my mum has to spend this crapload of money for a dinner. Im just pissed at myself :/

V: Hey ur mum obviously wants ur bday to b special. If my mum did that. Which she has, id just be a better son. Make her not worry, make her proud of u so she has one less thing to worry about. Remember money doesnt mean happiness.

A: Woman i hate you. Now u just ruined my otherwise perfect moment to sulk :L

... sometimes your first scars won't ever fade, away ...

why am i such a noob for you? i don't get it. at all.

i think of you all the time. i think of why you make me feel so asdakj. i don't know. tell me something that you're meant to tell me. tell me that i'm a pain. tell me that i'm a bitch. tell me that i'm someone that doesn't below on this world. tell me that i'm stupid and worthless. tell me to piss off.

stop replying to my texts. even if i want you to. because everytime you do, you make me feel as if i'm living off drugs. and when you don't text me, i crash and burn. you make me so happy. i just want to die in a hole when i get a text from you. even if it's about the most stupid things, they still make me feel like such a noob. i want to text you through the whole night, under my blankets, and all that's on my mind is the light in front of me. you make me so .... odd.

.... sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes ...

sooner or later it's going to be over. sooner or later we're not going to be talking to each other. but i don't want this, no, not at all. everytime you tell me 'goodnight :)' or whatever, i just want you to stay. but i know better that things like this won't last. there's no point. everyone has to sleep, everyone has to stop and leave it for the night.

i don't want our 'friendship' to end up like crap. i hate this. i'd say i want to stay close, but clearly it's not possible. it won't work. it never works. but i'll have my go at it. even it screws up, it's the experience that counts. ... right?

i love all my fellow ISCFers (:

they're like my family... well they are, technically speaking, because we're all God's children (: my fellow Inter-School Christian Fellowship-ers are like my bffls. honestly. they're like the most amazing, funny, loyal and hardcore awesome kids that you'll ever come accross.... :D

so yesterday we organised (maybe just Jonathan Tan and Christopher Fung) a bible study and lunch in the city, and just a day to chill out and get together with everyone and God. it was a pretty hectic day, because everyone ended up crashing on the red line to the way there and omigawsh. one of the most superb days of my holiday (:

we met at St James station at 11:30, then trekked down to Hyde Park like really close, and we settled down with conversations and a few games of mafia. mannn, i love those kids. you're probably thinking i'm sped or like on freaking drugs or something, but honestly, getting together with everyone is like :D!

anyhow, we ended up with a bible study prepared by Aaron Chen and Cathy Mao, which was pretty awesome because we talked about living a life for God... 1 Timothy 4, and it was just discussion about how to spread the word and reflect God's life in others, and what to do when we have like all sorts of random issues and how to just talk about everything with others. it was pretty cool haha.

after bible study and prayer in the park, Amy Chang and i went a bit high and decided to go spend our time chasing ibises in the park... (: crazy, i know... but it was fun getting glares and looks from the rest of the public.

the weather was really really fine yesterday and haha. it was all very very good. we ate at a random Choga Korean Buffet restaurant, where it was all 10$. it was good... haha Linus Poon and his chicken... :/. we ended up having the freaking massive-st lolgasms after Man Lok Wong showed me these random pictures of me on her iPod touch. Lol, i think we scared away like every single one of the customers there... haha good times.

we spent more time at Belmore Park afterwards, playing chasing games, getting sweaty, buying ice-blocks, playing card games like 500 and monopoly deal, then Jungle Speed... which is honestly the best game EVER. (and one which Linus FAILS at... no joke)

after like two hours in the park, we convinced everyone to get home, because it was already quite late haha. we then found a 7-Eleven to buy slurpees from, but the first one's machines broke down to the max ): Jonathan Lee then made the rest of the group trekk around the whole station looking for a freaking 7-Eleven store... after cowloads and bucketloads of sweat and groaning, we found a store and me and Tan decided to share a Giant Slurpee.

so 1.80$ each haha. it was pretty awesome because we kept on winning free slurpees, and we ended up winning like 2 other large ones and a freaking GIANT ONE!!~ yeah. story of my life bro (: honestly it was soo good. we ended up dishing the other free slurpees around because it was just WAY too much to eat.. no, drink... no, SLURP.

hahahahaaa it was such a good day man... i ended up dying from slurping too much,... even though i hadn't even finished half of D:... the other kids ended up continuing playing Jungle Speed hahahahaa... such a good day.

Yay!

He just came back like what, two or three days ago? Haha. I’m so happy because I have someone to annoy now :D and he’s like the only guy that doesn’t mind my spasticness that’s with Virgin. :D

Mannn, I’ve missed him so much these holidays ): actually, that’s a lie, because I’ve occupied myself pretty well with trashing my house ‘cleaning’ and eating and getting fat :D

Lol ‘tis great to have him back (: because we both share ridiculous sleeping patterns (4am - 1pm) it’s good that we have each other to text :D I’ve actually missed him quite a bit, not so much ‘so much.’ haha.