#fofparty

*cracks knuckles*

Uh...hi. It me again. 

Yes, I’m still on hiatus and I’m kind of breaking my rule by posting this and doing what I’m about to do...BUT this is a notable exception. 

Today is the 2nd year anniversary of “The Fear of Failing” vlog, which many of you may know is one of my favorite videos. 

It also just so happens to be the first night of Sean’s tour, which I think is a pretty fucking coincidental thing to occur.

Almost like a sign....so with that in mind: 

I was wondering if you guys wanted to do another FOFParty this year?

I can’t really objectively say whether last year’s was a success or not since I’m heavily biased, but fuck it, I still love this video (and the sequel) and Sean’s tour is this weekend, so WE ARE DOING IT AGAIN. 

It’s not going to be a surprise either this time since....well, what’s the point lol. 

Okay, so here’s the deets:

It’s going to be THIS WEEKEND, Saturday the 30th and Sunday Oct 1st (yes, this soon because I just had exams this week and literally had no time until now sorry).

The time? Whenever you want. I know last year I was like “at this time do this”, but that’s because it was going to be a surprise for Sean. Now that it’s not, it can way more free and open, which is why it’s going to be the whole weekend.

The theme this year is How Did We Get Here?. Yes, it’s the name of his tour, but that’s the point. I think it’s a good opportunity to reflect on how we all got to this point in our lives or how we got into this community, how it’s helped us, etc.

I think what is going to be cool this year is if you participated last year, I want you to look at what you posted then and see what has or hasn’t changed in the year since. Compare-- did you do what you set out to? Are you happy with where you are? Do you still feel the same about the channel and the community? I don’t know, I think it’ll be interesting. 

Things can be freeform: there’s no template or set way to do things. Express yourself how you like, but first ask yourself this: How did you get here? Do you like where you are? What do you think has made Sean get to where he is? (if you want)

I hope I explained this well enough. Just send me an ask if there’s any confusion. 

The most important thing: if you think this is a good idea, please interact with this post (like/reblog/comment/anything) because I need to know if this is something people want to participate in. If not, then we can pretend this post never happened, and I will return to my dark hole.

If so, then I will be somewhat active this weekend.....lurking.....

uh....he....he.....hey guys...

if you want...to....you know....have the fofparty, it begins now

heh.....yeah.....so......yeah

So, I'm a little late to the fofparty. But my name is Hannah and I found the JSE channel a couple months ago and I was in a bad spot. Now, I'm your typical success story, I was depressed, cutting and I had no one to turn too.

  I found solace in Jack's channel. It helped me get through the days and eventually it got better, a lot better.                                                                 You guys changed me for the better. You inspired me to draw and throw away my razors and remain clean! I haven't cut in 2 mouths and I don't plan to go back to it. I know 2 months isn't that long, but it's the longest I've ever been and it's getting longer every day! I also know it’s weird to put something like drawing along with throwing away my razors but to me it’s really important because I hadn’t drawn in years!               

   At first, I thought he was just an entertainer, "A really funny guy." But as I started watching more of his videos and vlogs, I realized Jacksepticeye is more than an entertainer. He's a friend. Someone I could relate and talk to. Even if I've never met him.   Everyone I've met in the community, is so nice! The first time I made a post on Tumblr someone rebloged it! It made my day! There's a lot of ways that this community is amazing and unlike any other. It blows my mind. I know that a lot of other people have the same story as me, but to me the channel has been one of the most important and influential experiences of my life. Because for the first time in almost 3 years, I am truly having a blast and I am really happy. Thank you to anyone and everyone who's a part of this community and thank you Jack.

A lot of thoughts have been going through my head for the past 24 hours, and I need to get some things off my chest about this past weekend (and this will be the last time I mention it, I’m sorry). So...

Ever have a period of time in your life that, when you look back on it, doesn’t feel like you were the one who lived it? That, upon recollection, it was like you were spectating someone else, and your body was just going through the motions like a puppet? And now you’re asking yourself, “Why did I do that?”

“How could I have done that?”

Well then..

(I’m putting this under a cut because it’s very long, click if you want)

Thanks to @therealjacksepticeye who did a vlog commemorating his vlog from last year on the Fear of Failure, I now know what I’ll be doing for my next speech in Toastmasters: Youtubers and Soldiers sharing a responsibility to others.

What I mean by this is that as a soldier I have a responsibility to the people of my country and those in need of help. Every time I go out in uniform for whatever purpose (most likely to get food for lunch when I’m on orders or at drill), I get a lot of people that come up to me that thank me for my service. I still don’t feel deserving of that phrase because I don’t feel like I’ve done anything worth that phrase. I’m just doing my job. But it’s what the uniform represents that people thank me for. They connect with me on some level through either their own service or a family member’s service. I’ve been in parades and almost treated like a celebrity. A role model. Someone to look up to.

If I fail, I let a lot of people down.

Now to Jack. He feels like if he fails he’ll let EVERYONE in the community down. He has 12.3 million subscribers right now and it is still on the rise. I can understand the pressure on him to succeed and be a role model. We’ve both inspired a lot of people and helped a lot of people through their grievances. We represent a possibility of hope and happiness.

If we fail we let people down. But I can also say from a personal note:

IF YOU FOCUS TOO MUCH ON THE FEAR OF FAILING, IT WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL.

I failed so hard, at trying so hard, that I let myself down, and I disappointed a lot of people believing in me. That night I cried so hard I thought that I couldn’t continue on with anything. I stand here today more focused than ever to make things right again.

oh hi, I hope it’s not too late to join the party *rolls up with party poppers and balloons while wearing a diamond top hat* but I just saw this and I wanted to make my contribution, it’s currently like 4am here and I’ve had awful toothache keeping me awake, I’ve got to that point where I’m just over tired and that’s usually when these deep ass thoughts come out so here we are.

I guess I should start with my fear of failing. At around this time last year I was attending law school, simply because I felt as if everyone in my family thought I was a failure, and I wanted to give them a reason not to think that. I applied to a university to study film making, but once I’d applied they said that because I didn’t have the right school grades or a previous degree that I needed to do something else first to get a degree so I could do the course that I wanted.

So the university sent me to the law school that they had there, they said once I did a year I’d get an honours in law and then I could apply again for film making, but because it was a different area of the university it wasn’t guaranteed I’d get onto that course, whereas if I wanted to do law I’d have a definite place for another three years, but that’s not what I wanted to do haha.

After a few months at law school I started to get very overwhelmed, the work load was insane and it was really hard. I realised I was in over my head and I couldn’t take the pressure, I worked as hard as I could, I was always studying and writing random essays just to stay on top, I basically made it my life, but it wasn’t because I was interested in law, I had no interest in it whatsoever, the reason that I worked so hard at it was because I didn’t want to disappoint my family, I didn’t want to give them another reason to see me as a failure. So I worked myself silly just to make them proud. After a while, I started thinking a lot more about it and my future and everything. Once the stress of uni really started to set in I couldn’t handle it, I had break downs where I’d have to leave the lecture hall to go into the bathroom and I’d literally spend five minutes in there crying my eyes out because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to fail because of my family, but if I carried on there any longer I didn’t know what would happen to me. I thought really hard about it, and I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. Law did not interest me, the filmmaking thing did for a while, but to me that’s more of a hobby over what I really want to do in life.

So I made the difficult decision to quit, I couldn’t continue there, it was too much and I was getting stressed over something I had no interest in. I don’t regret my decision to quit though, nor do I regret being there since I worked hard and hey, at least I had a shot at being at university right? What I regret is what I did next; I lied to my family and told them I was still going. I KNOW IT’S AWFUL. You should never lie to anyone, let alone your parents. I would get up super early in the morning and just go out somewhere for the day to make it seem as if I was still attending. I felt awful about it, but I was so scared of telling them that I’d quit I didn’t know what to do, at the time I felt it was my only option, but looking back now I know I should have just told them the truth. I did tell them the truth eventually, my mum was okay because she knew it wasn’t what I wanted somehow, my dad was really upset though. He shouted at me and told me I never stick to anything and that’s why I fail a lot, that was really upsetting.

But I explained to him it wasn’t what I wanted to do, and that you can not have a degree at all under your belt and still be successful. He seemed to understand after that. Since then, I’m not sure I have the fear of failing anymore. I mean sure, it will more than likely come back at some point I mean we’re all human and that’s a genuine human fear that we all have about something, but it taught me that even if you’re scared of failing, you shouldn’t let it stop you from doing what you really want to do in life. Sure, I wasn’t doing what I really wanted to do BUT I realised that I could be, if I was brave enough.

When I saw Jack’s video last year, I realised that I’m not alone, many other people have this same fear (as I said it’s a genuine human fear) and it helped me somewhat, to know that there are people who know what I’m going through. I’ve been watching Jack’s videos since about June last year, and I’ve never known someone so genuine with such a kind hearted and welcoming fan base behind them.

You should know that during the night I am prone to panic attacks, and I discovered last summer that having Jack on in the background while I sleep really helps to calm me, I thought maybe it was just having background noise, but I’ve tried other things, music, movies, scrubs haha, but none of it works, for some reason it’s only Jack. Lately it’s been Fran Bow that I have on, not sure why that helps I mean that game is freaky 😂 but yeah it really does, and he helps me feel a lot less lonely too.

This is pretty long now so I’m just gonna wrap it up by saying that I suppose I have a lot to thank Jack for, he helped me to realise that I am not alone in this world, and he keeps me calm during the night, also he makes me feel like I have a friend who is always there, so thank you Jack, for all of this and much more :)