#fockbambi

               one  of  her  earliest  memories  is  sitting  in  church  ,  the  roar  of  the  preacher  vibrating  the  speakers  surrounding  the  congregation  as  she  delivered  the  word  of  God  .       (  ❛  where  do  YOU  feel  Him  ?  ?      i  feel  His  love  in  my  spine  ,  supporting  me  throughout  my  life  ! !      a  reminder  that  He’s  with  me  at  all  times  !  !       ❜  )  soeun  didn’t  understand  what  it  meant  ,  how  you  can  feel  an  emotion  & &  spirituality  in  your  body  .       & &  her  parents  try  to  explain  it  to  her  throughout  her  life  ,  speaking  of  how  much  their  heart  ached  when  she  went  to  become  a  trainee  .  how  it  hurts  their  souls  to  see  their  baby  girl  so  exhausted  & &  her  bones  soaked  in  pain  .

                                  (  she  still  didn’t  understand  it  for  most  of  her  life  .  

                                                no  ,  it  isn’t  until  she  sees  the  photo  of  bambi  in  bed  with  someone  else  that  she  begins  to  even  grasp  at  the  idea  .       the  shock  is  in  her  toes  & &  feet  ,  paralyzing  her  where  she  stood  ;  mouth  agape  as  she  tries  to  understand  what  she’s  seeing  .      & &  she  feels  numb  to  any  emotion  that  isn’t  PHYSICAL  pain  since  then  ;  half  -  lidded  eyes  permanently  shutting  from  exhaustion  barely  carry  her  through  the  next  few  months  .       soeun  shouldn’t  be  this  addicted  to  him  ,  she  shouldn’t  be  going  through  a  WITHDRAWAL  .       a  reckless  streak  beginning  to  show  itself  as  she  fills  the  space  in  a  stranger’s  bed  ,  a  threat  to  end  her  career  always  looming  behind  her  when  she  climbs  through  the  window  at  night  .       )

                                                              & &  soeun  doesn’t  know  why  she  gets  invited  to  one  of  bambi’s  band  member’s  parties  months  after  they  break  up  ― ―  surely  it’s  a  cruel  joke  ;  but  that  doesn’t  explain  why  she  goes  .       & &  soeun  doesn’t  know  why  she  does  not  anticipate  bambi  being  there  & &  why  it  comes  as  such  a  shock  to  her  when  their  eyes  meet  across  the  lawn  .       & &  soeun  doesn’t  know  why  he comes  up  to  her  ,  telling  her  that  his  band mates  don’t  know  that  they  broke  up  ,  & &  why  she  agrees  to  go  along  with  it  .

                                                                         it’s  when  she’s  sitting  on  his  lap  ,  arms  snaked  around  his  neck  as  his  fingers  find  their  place  on  her  body  once  again  .         & &  she  can  feel  the  breath  in  her  throat  stop  when  he  turns  her  head  to  kiss  her  .       (  she  finally  gets  what  her  preacher’s  sermon  from  all  those  years  ago  was  about  .       )  the  longing  starts  in  her  finger  tips  ,  nails  dragging  down  the  side  of  his  face  as  she  sharply  inhales  against  his  lips  .        his  hand  ensnaring  itself  in  her  hair  while  the  other  pulls  her  closer  ;  hymns  whispered  against  her  lips  when  there’s  space  between  them  .       & &  it  isn’t  until  the  catcalls  from  his  band mates  echo  throughout  their  ears  that  they  come  back  to  reality  .       (  pink  tones  & &  heat  rising  to  her  face  follow  her  nervous  giggles  ,  instinctively  ducking  her  head  into  his  neck  as  a  refuge  from  her  embarrassment  .        )

                                                                                      the  feeling  of  home  takes  root  in  her  lungs  ,  leaving  her  feeling  as  if  she’s  gasping  for  breath  at  every  touch  ,  the  feeling  of  his  hands  making  her  feel  .  .  .  HOLY  .        (  she  knows  she  shouldn’t  feel  this  way  ,  it’s  not  a  feeling  that  humans  should  feel   ― ―  this  was  something  engraved  in  her  early  on  .       )  but  the  way  that  his  fingers  trace  her  & &  the  way  that  his  lips  pass  against  her  skin  ,  whispering  how  much  he  misses  her  every time  leaves  her  dizzy  with  desire  .       she  knows  she  should  be  satisfied  with  the  contact   given  to her  ,  but  it  only  makes  it  worse  .

Lights flicker behind closed eyelids as the roar of the crowd hits her in waves. With arm extended in the air, beads of sweat dripping down her back, and the acoustics of the theatre. Minhee is finally alive.

As soon as the curtains draw closed, so does her fantasy. Suddenly everything’s a distant blur as she watches the events transpire from outside of her own body. Her and the girls huddle for a celebratory cheer that’s broken quickly by her manager barking at them for breaking their formation midway through the performance. His words sound like they’ve travelled to her from a the other end of a dimly lit tunnel and she can barely make out his last syllables. A slur she’s bound to hear again from her choreographer the next day who would bear the heavier burden of making sure it didn’t happen again. Their saving grace comes in the glowing form of their make up artist who always manages to bring their manager back down to the decibels of a normal human being.

Minhee’s certain they’re sleeping together. ( A pretty little thing much too young for the man with three kids. ) Men only — and barely — listened to the woman they were fucking.

The girls go their separate ways for the rest of the night, soon to reconvene at their shared apartment where Minhee would stumble in only mildly drunk. Tonight hadn’t been bad enough to get thoroughly wasted, but something was needed to soothe the growing pain in the back of her head. Maybe a blunt would do the trick instead. Maybe molly.

Head ducked down, she beelines to the nearest exit, only looking up to strike up conversation with colleagues who stopped her to congratulate them on a successful show. With them she was all smiles, eyes twinkling from the reflection of the gemstones bordering her waterline. Her laughter is bright and loud, much like what was expected of the extroverted leader. The charismatic, beloved, Nova. She dismisses each conversation with a polite and seemingly genuine excuse. Ranging from “Gosh, I wish I didn’t have to run but I need to find the girls, lets catch up soon!” to “I’m so sorry I have to put this on pause, but don’t forget to text me, we’ll pick this off where we left off!”

People loved her. Why wouldn’t they ? Didn’t she love them back tenfold ? Wasn’t Minhee everyone’s best friend ??

She can feel the walls closing in on her as she turns into a hallway, a few feet away from her exit. She needs to breathe. But her breath catches in her throat when eyes fall on the figure looming before her.

Minhee knew they were sharing the same stage. She had talked herself into it for months now. Minhee had readied herself for the conversation they were about to have and set her bar low for any semblance of forgiveness. Yet why couldn’t she manage to croak out a word ? ( Why why WHY ?? ) Standing in silence before him, she blinks hard and she feels the blood rushing through her veins. She feels every last motion of her body in a way she doesn’t remember feeling in years. For once -- she’s not numb.

So when the name rolls off her tongue, it’s not lathered in the sickly sweet tone she wears for her fans and coworkers. It’s sharp and all wit. It’s Minhee.

“ Willy ?? ” She teases, hands on her hips as she cocks her head at him. Strawberry hair falling off a shoulder, so starkly different from her natural jet black. “ Could it be Mr. Willy Wonka ? ” For a second she falters, the awkward sense of time pushing her back to the soft professional voice. They were in her workplace, she couldn’t misbehave here. Outside the four walls was a whole different story.

it’s only when you least expect it that your guardian angel finally decides to save your poor life. bambi was thrown over a toilet, head halfway through the bowl as sickness made its way out of his body. he felt horrible; headache, exhaustion, muscle soreness, nausea– heck, maybe this was it. like it it. his time had finally come, and he was about to succumb. nothing was holding him back, he just needed to let go. LET GO.

his phone, dug deep in his back pocket, vibrated. once, twice, thrice. and every time it’d just pull him back. he couldn’t let go, not yet ( unfortunately ).

bambi sat back up, death hanging on his face. he couldn’t die in a port-a-potty, not like this. with the blue neon light buzzing above him, a music festival’s worth of body juices down the shit hole, and there he was, like a diamond in the rough, with his pink heart-shaped glasses and his bedazzled punk leather jacket and his pink shorts and his sandals over his mid-calf length white socks. if he was to die, it would have to be in his jacuzzi, or maybe strangled to death by some secret royalty lover, inside a mansion that cost as much as it does to save a whole country.

not in this faded green port-a-potty while terrible rock music boomed not too far away. bambi didn’t perform that night.

he finally took a glance at his phone, minutes into trying to unlock it. the AI couldn’t recognize his face– and he doesn’t blame it, he was looking absolutely shit-faced ( more so than usual ). it took him an additional few minutes to recognize the number.

[ sms: 🌸🎀💕 ] singing rigt now [ sms: 🌸🎀💕 ] wwat sun [ sms: 🌸🎀💕 ] ??????!????????????? [ sms: 🌸🎀💕 ] ok [ sms: 🌸🎀💕 ] u promise me brade pitt [ sms: 🌸🎀💕 ] 👿

how much he hated texting. fingers always too heavy to type proper words, but at least he could lie comfortably. it took him around thirty minutes to leave the filthy cubicle, and he only did so because someone kept banging on the door. no more loud noises, please, for the love of god. his manager, too angry at him to drive him home, bambi took a cab and brought along whatever belongings he could remember; a bag full of socks, box with cheap makeup, and heeled shoes– the type strippers wear– bold, valentine-red high heels.

but for some reason, as he approached his front door after paying the driver and waving him goodbye, bambi was wearing a black satin robe instead of his punk jacket, and wasn’t carrying a single thing in his hands. 

he opened his door and instantly froze at the sight of the girl. was he dreaming? no one could look that good in pink, not even pretty girls. huh. “ are you high? ” those red eyes had to be a weird side-effect of some drug. “ w-what chocolate? me, i’m the chocolate. “ bambi didn’t even realize what his response was; it was almost automated, the way he’d try to flirt with everything that moved.

he walked past her, although his eyes never left hers, until he crashed onto his couch. a long groan left his throat and filled the silence. “ your wings. “ he started, voice muffled by the couch, “ can i borrow them for a show? “ he didn’t even look up at her. “ are you not high? “ he asked again, as if her eyes were freakier than her wings.

“ i’m tired, no more dates please. “ and it’s like he knew all along who she was.

she’s almost given up on bambi ever returning, almost, but then her phone finally dings.

      [ sms: bambi ] ur singing?????       [ sms: bambi ] the sun in the sky? are u okay? pls tell me ur okay       [ sms: bambi ] he’s out of ur league

his texts meant that he was at least alive, something she found herself fretting about more than she had with any other human prior. in the simplest terms, bambi was a mess through and through, but somewhere along the way sooyoung had gotten attached enough to consider him a friend of sorts. she told herself that’s why she wanted him to get a date so badly, not her own pride, nor was it the beginnings of any other sort of attachment. 

when he finally opened the door and walked inside, sooyoung nearly pounced on him out of sheer irritation, but chose instead to grumble to herself on the couch, her legs crossed. she briefly noted his choice of clothing and wondered if he’d been out fooling around which absolutely defeated her whole purpose in trying to find him a date in the first place but chose to bite her lip instead of speaking up about it. freedom of choice and all that good stuff, they’d been warned at the academy that their job wasn’t always going to be as simple as set two people up and they’d be in love though it always seemed like her fellow cupids had that sort of luck. stupid cupids that were too good at their job and making her look bad, still, if she landed bambi a date, certainly they’d have to give her an award. fourteen failed dates was surely a new record.

“i swear on my job i’m not high.” sooyoung snickers a bit behind her hand, quickly catching on to the fact her friend had had a bit too much to drink. nothing new, she was used to it at this point. “mm, i don’t think you’d be very tasty. then again, vampires think your blood taste good, so who am i to say?” she shrugs then, her eyes only leaving his once he’s flopped into the couch. 

“unfortunately, i can’t exactly remove them. see, you’d have to rip them out of my skin and that would be very, very painful and i’d cry a lot and you don’t want me to cry. i hear i’m annoying crier, at least that’s what my friends have told me.” the pink haired girl nearly laughs again, and decides then to morph into her human form to avoid any more questioning. she leans into the couch as well, flicking him on the forehead and frowning. “don’t you ever think you drink a little too much?” she sighs then and rolls so her back and buried into the cushions again, pulling out her phone.

xx / accepting

many months have led up to this moment, months filled with conflicting emotions and the everlasting dread that came when the pit of her stomach bubbled with fluttering butterflies every time she laid her eyes on him.

rule number one. no cupid, under any circumstances, may fall in love.

yet, here she was, potentially going down that past herself. she’d seen the romance movies, had been mesmerized by the way the actors would look at each other with adoration in their eyes, and she wondered if she was beginning to look the same. sooyoung nearly grumbles to herself at the thought, eyeing bambi from the corner of her eye and frowning at her own stupidity. how had this human, of all of them on planet earth, managed to capture her affection. she wasn’t sure, and at this point, she denied it was another more than platonic love, as even then she’d never had a male companion she trusted as fully as he.

then again, sooyoung was not good at admitting to her own faults, and this could surely count as one of them.

“hey, your date should be here soon.” sooyoung turns fully to face him as she speaks, black hair cascading down her shoulders in soft waves over the top of her dress. she’d dressed nice for the occasion, to fit in with the somewhat nicer restaurant she’d set up for him and the woman she’d be pairing him with this time, though in her mind she knew he’d probably mess it up again (secretly, she wills him to). this way, she can blend in somewhere in the background with her own “date” and watch to see where exactly he kept going wrong. despite her own potential feelings and the way jealously would ignite a fire in her eyes when she saw him with someone else, she still had a job to perform and she would try her best to do just that.

 “she’s really pretty, into your sort of music, smart too.” she smiles then, looking out towards the crowd to see if the woman had already been seated, but there was no sign of her yet. there in the corner, however, sat her own date, waiting patiently for her arrival. sooyoung had only called upon him to see if she could dilute her own feelings, foolishly believing that if she met with a different attractive man she’d be able to cash her overwhelming crush aside and come to the conclusion it was nothing more than friendly adoration after all. “she should be here shortly, her name is minhee.” she hands him a picture then, eyeing her own date. “my date is here already and i don’t really want to keep him waiting, so.” she takes one step away, then two, almost stumbling in her heels but it’s then bambi’s warm hand clasps her own and she turns to look at him with wide eyes for a moment, her face softening at his grin. oh, how she hated his grin.

‘i think you maybe had a bit too much chocolate, i didn’t want you to fall.’

she nods, unable to form words for a moment, her eyes focused on how his hand encompasses her own. sooyoung holds on for a few moments to long before shaking it free, laughing an awkward laugh and offering him a smile and a slight bow. 

“thanks, wouldn’t want to embarrass myself on a first date, huh?” she hesitates, wanting nothing more than to feel the warmth that had enveloped her by such a simple gesture once more, but instead turns on her heel and begins walking towards her own date. about halfway across the restaurant, she turns to offer him an excited thumbs up, paired with a smile and all, but as she turns her smile drops into something much smaller as she greets her company for the night.

fourteen. fourteen dates. she didn’t think it was possible, but sooyoung had found a broken human, she was sure of it! though the cupid may not have been the best at her job (okay, so maybe she had a lot of trouble properly matching people) but it had never taken her fourteen dates to find a match. no, at this point, it was clear that bambi was the problem and perhaps, at this point, there was no way of fixing him.

she sits, sunk into his couch, with a frown on her face waiting for him to get him. she’s in her cupid form, cotton candy hair cascading down her shoulders and her wings pressed uncomfortably into the couch, her eyes red as blood. this would be the first time he’s encountered her in this form, but he’d be no stranger to her hanging around his place before he’s even arrived. this time, though, she was too irritated to bother changing her features to their human form. what did it matter anyway? this may be the last time she bothered setting him up with someone else.

growing bored of waiting the cupid pulls out her phone, tapping quickly at the screen, brows furrowing. 

[ sms: bambi ] where are u???? [ sms: bambi ] the sun has already gone down and i’m hungry [ sms: bambi ] u promised u’d get me hot cocoa (¤﹏¤)

she sighs and sags further into the couch, adjusting her wings so they weren’t pressed so hard into the fabric, her head falling back with a small groan. not only was he quite possibly unmatchable he seemed to never be on time for anything. with that thought, she could understand one fundamental reason none of his dates worked out. what respectable person would wait around for over an hour for their date to arrive? not many, she figured.

sooyoung perks up at the sound of keys jingling outside and practically throws herself off the couch once she hears and sees the door handle turn. she runs across the room, nearly tripping over her own feet before standing before him, placing her hands on her hips and fixing him with a frown. 

popular text posts + ask memes (part two) ( accepting )

The room around her seems to spin as she presses her forehead against the heel of her palm, forcing her mind to stay in one spot. Nausea builds up in her throat because of the stench, ( god he smells awful ) and she’s quick to reach over to flush whatever had come up from his throat before settling back down on the bathroom floor.

She doesn’t remember who’s bathroom it was, or how they had got here. It was neither of theirs.

Bass rocks the tile floors and it’s evident that whatever party the two had stumbled into continued with no concern for their absence. His words bounce off her with a roll of her eyes. A wreck. Both of them were a train wreck, and maybe it was the result of how they’d grown up, maybe it was the path they had taken, maybe it was just inherently written in their destiny. Pulling cherry red hair back into a ponytail, she finally looks over at him, lips turned down into a frown. How did they get here? There’s the faint memory of small hands wrapped around make shift microphones, talent shows and their blistering spotlights – laughter. So much laughter. 

“ I wasn’t trying to embarrass you. ” 

A bold faced lie as the scene from a few minutes ago ( or maybe it had already been an hour ) played out. The sight of him when she had entered the party had her irritated. It was common now for annoyance to creep up every time her paths crossed Bambi. A part of it was because she had never intended to see him again, and if fate had a different plan, then she had expected a much smoother start to it all. They had began rocky, and from there it was a spiral downhill. Nothing reminiscent of the friendship they had fostered as kids. Nothing reminiscent of childhood innocence. 

Another part, the much bigger part of it all, was her disappointment at his state. A paternalistic feeling she got anytime she saw him stumbling about, little going on in that decomposing head of his. That’s why she’d snapped at him in a room full of people, eyes turning to them as snarky words tumble off her tongue. “Someone can’t seem to keep their liquor down, hmm? Look at you.” They sting her more than they’d sting him, and she just wants to swallow them back. But the feeling only lasted a second before she’s following behind him cause she knows that look. The way colour drained from his face.

God, Charlie Bambi.

PROMPT ! / @fockbambi

there had been a reason why they had put off telling him , in fear of making him upset , making him get like this. they stayed glued to where they had been standing across from him , only minutes ago they had been cuddling on the couch , everything seemed perfect then. 

but , mentions of their future came into play , speaking of how they were going to college soon was unavoidable. they wanted to have bambi and be able to learn more , all they wanted to do was learn. yet , at this moment , it made them wonder if it was really worth it. was it really worth leaving everything for? 

they never wanted to leave bambi behind , it didn’t really hit them until they had gotten the scholarship. they could feel the tightness in their throat , nerves bubbling up in their chest as they stared at him. trying to process what he had said , it felt like everything was going to overflow , eyesight becomes blurry as it hits them. 

they didn’t want to leave him , they never wanted to upset him , they never wanted this. ‘ i — ‘ their voice is shaky , wringing out their hands at a rougher pace than usual , trying to keep themselves together. hands move to wipe the onslaught of tears beginning to fall , the movement itself is messy.

PROMPT ! / @fockbambi

there had always been something about the other’s voice that made their heartbeat feel like the tide hitting the shore , usually sudden yet constant. despite it being a fact that they would never admit unprompted , even with tears staining their features , they still feel themselves smiling and their cheeks heating up at the comment. 

shifting phone in their grip , sucking in a quiet breath as their free hand fidgeted with the hem of bambi’s hoodie , looking mildly bigger on their frame than it probably did on the other’s. their thoughts are scattered , falling between the ordeal of the kids at their school constantly belittling them and the wonderings of if their relationship with bambi was truly platonic at all. 

majority of things would point to it not being as such , considering that they were wearing his hoodie and calling him for comfort after a rough day. yet , there was a reassuring voice in the back of their mind that insisted that this was all something that friends did.