#fluffyjulydayone

The day had been well and truly shit. That was the only way to describe it.

Two surgeries ran over. One attending blamed you for something that wasn’t even your fault. Then the ER got slammed just as you were supposed to leave, which meant that instead of going home, showering, and pretending the day never happened, you spent another three hours getting yelled at by patients, families, and one particularly angry paramedic.

By the time you actually arrived at Arizona’s barbecue, you were running hours late and entirely on caffeine and spite. You had briefly considered not coming at all and instead going home, collapsing into bed, and ignoring your phone for the next twelve hours... but you knew yourself well enough to know that if you went home alone tonight, you’d just replay every mistake in your head until morning.

So... barbecue it was.

It was crowded in the garden. Music drifted from a speaker somewhere near the treeline at the far end of Arizona's yard, just loud enough to blend into the hum of conversation. A few pediatric nurses were gathered around the grill, loudly and jokingly arguing over burger temperatures like it was life or death. You rolled your eyes.

Fairy lights had been strung across the fence, casting everything in warm gold and making the whole place feel softer somehow. It was calm, peaceful.

You wished you could actually feel any of those things right now.

You finally sank into a patio chair with a quiet groan, taking a long sip of your beer as you tried to force your shoulders to relax. They felt permanently lodged somewhere near your ears after the day you’d had.

"Wow," You looked up to see Alex Karev standing over you, hands shoved in his pockets and an annoyingly smug grin on his face. "I didn’t know it was possible," he said, "but you somehow look worse outside the hospital."

You glared and aimed a lazy kick at his knee, missing on purpose.

"I think you’ll find," you said, nodding toward the chair beside you, motioning for him to sit, "that I am actually thriving."

He snorted, looking over as another chair scraped loudly against the patio and Cristina dropped into it beside you with an audible sigh.

"Sure thing," she said, immediately joining your conversation with an eyebrow raised at you as she appraised you. "That face screams 'thriving'."

You brushed her off, distracted by something going on further down the garden and, ever the observant friend, her eyes followed your line of sight across the garden and her eyes narrowed.

"Oh."

Karev frowned. "Oh what?"

Cristina pointed at your face, "She’s doing the thing again."

"What thing?" He frowned, leaning into your space and peering into your eyes. His close proximity brought you back down to Earth and you swatted him away, taking another sip of your beer.

"The staring."

You straightened immediately, clearing your throat, "Uh, no, I don’t stare."

Cristina let out a small huff of laughter, "You’re staring right now."

"I’m not staring." You set your jaw, deliberately keeping your eyes set on Christina in an attempt to prove your point. Then considered the fact that you were staring at Christina so maybe you should just look at Karev, or-

Cristina paused your internal monologue when she held out a hand to Karev, "Ten bucks if you can guess who."

Karev scoffed. "Ten bucks? Please. I’m not that desperate for-"

His gaze followed yours and he froze. Then he slowly grinned and let out a short burst of laughter.

"Oh."

Your stomach dropped and you firmly shook your head, focusing on your beer bottle, the label peeling off slightly at the corner. You couldn't be accused of staring at anyone if you were staring at the drink in your hand, "No."

"Oh, wow."

"Don’t, Karev."

"You’ve got to be kidding me. Easiest ten bucks I'll ever earn. You better cough up." He held his hand out to Yang as you finally gave back in to the pull you felt, letting your eyes settle over to her again. Across the garden, Addison Montgomery stood near the drinks table talking to Bailey, wine glass in hand.

Dark jeans, cream blouse and hair down. Unfair really. Very distracting.

Just completely unfair.

You sank lower in your chair. "I’ve had a bad day and I really don’t need this right now." You mumbled, feeling like a little kid being teased on the playground again.

Karev just ignored you. "Of course you like her."

You narrowed your eyes, "What does that even mean?"

He shrugged, "Well, she’s kind of an ass-"

"Hey, if I was into assholes, you’d be top of my list." You grumbled, shooting him a glare again. You seemed to be doing a lot of that recently. Maybe you needed a better attitude to life. Ah well, there's time for that, today sucks enough to be grumpy.

"I'm saying… she’s alright. For an attending. That’s all I’m saying. Older than you but... who am I to yuck your yum?"

You groaned, "Please don't ever say that again. I really hate this conversation."

Cristina crossed her arms, "Have you even spoken to her?"

"Yes."

Karev barked out a laugh, "Liar."

"I have." You leant back in your chair, finishing your beer, eyes on the look out for another one - anything to escape this conversation.

"When?"

You hesitated.

"…Around the hospital."

Cristina raised a brow, "Around?"

You leaned over to an ice box, grabbing another drink and waving Yang away, "You know. Corridors. Elevators. She gave me a coffee once. I think it was meant for someone else... but I still drank it so-"

Cristina stared. "That is so sad."

Karev nodded. "I think you just described having a coworker you exist near."

"You guys suck."

Karev suddenly leaned forward, a dangerous glint entering his eyes. You recognized that look instantly. A look of trouble. He was going to do something stupid. He was going to do something stupid... in your direction. You watched as he glanced down at your chair leg, to somewhere behind you, and lifted his leg.

"Karev, no-"

Too late. His foot slammed into the front of your chair, his foot landing on the edge and the chair jolted backward. Your new beer launched straight into the air and the cold liquid poured down your front.

"What the hell?!"

Cristina burst into peels of laughter. Karev leaned back, far too pleased with himself.

"You were saying you had a shitty day," he said. "I had to put things into perspective."

"You absolute-"

"Are you okay?"

Everything stopped and your heart nearly stopped with it. That voice, warm, smooth and familiar. You turned around to see Addison was standing right there, looking directly at you.

At your soaked shirt.

At Karev.

At the puddle of beer beneath your chair.

Then her gaze settled on Karev. One eyebrow lifted. “Karev.”

He straightened.

"She was complaining she was too hot."

You whipped around.

"I did not-"

Addison’s gaze sharpened, "So you kicked her chair?"

Karev raised both hands. "I carefully… helped her to-"

"You kicked her chair."

"So what? She’s fine. Right?" He shrugged. Addison gave him a look so sharp it could have cut glass and Karev cracked, "…Right. Sorry, I guess," he said and, upon facing you, a twinkle set in his eye and he winked at you.

Addison had already turned her back to him, missing his grin, and focused on you, immediately softer. "Come on."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

By the time you reached her car, your pulse still hadn’t settled.

You changed into the soft pullover she handed you, a soft, navy, and much-too-big pullover, and tried very hard not to think about the fact that it smelled like her.

When you were done, Addison climbed into the open trunk and patted the space beside her. "Just sit for a moment."

You hesitated but eventually the pull was too much and you found yourself sat beside her.

The street was quiet compared to the party. Music drifted faintly from the yard, softened by distance. Addison tucked one leg beneath herself and looked at you.

"So."

You exhaled. "So?"

She studied you for a long moment, eyes steady on your face.

"You okay?"

You attempted a self-conscious laugh, just about fighting the urge to completely brush her off, but decising to settle on middle ground - some truth. "I had a bad day. Karev was just trying to cheer me up." Her mouth twitched and you felt like you had to defend him, only slightly. "He has good intentions."

Addison gave you a look and took in a deep breath, "I think we may be thinking of different Karevs."

Despite yourself, you smiled. "Hmm, fair."

Her expression softened. "So. A bad day?"

Your shoulders sagged, "It’s nothing new." You shrugged a little but she waited.

That was the thing about Addison, she never rushed a silence. Never filled it just to make herself comfortable. And eventually, the words came.

"It’s just… the OR was a mess. The ER was even worse. I got blamed for things I didn’t do and everyone needed everything all at once and I just…"

Your voice caught and you swallowed hard. Crying in front of anyone was one thing but crying in front of the women that could have you wrapped around her little finger? Pure embarrassment.

"I don’t know," You gave a weak laugh. "...I think I’m just tired."

Addison was quiet for a moment. Then her voice softened, "Hey."

You looked up. Her eyes held yours, they were steady, warm and impossibly gentle.

"You will be okay."

The words hit harder than they should have and then your eyes burned instantly. "Oh no."

Her brows lifted. "Oh no?"

You laughed shakily. "I think I might cry, just a little bit." You scrunched your nose up as your eyes prickled with tears already forming.

"That’s okay." Her thumb brushed your cheek, wiping away a tear and her whole expression shifted, softening even further. She hummed, her voice came out quiet, almost a whisper, "You really don’t see it, do you?"

Your brow furrowed, "See what?"

She exhaled through a small smile, "You’re actually going to make me say this out loud, huh?" Your pulse kicked lightly. She looked away for half a second, almost amused with herself, "God, I feel like I’m sixteen." She muttered under her breath.

You blinked slowly. "What?"

"Like I'm some lovesick teenager trying to confess to the girl she likes."

Your brain stopped completely. "…What?" And Addison looked back at you, only honesty in her steady gaze.

"I like you."

You stared, your brain feeling like it was short-circuiting slightly, "No, I don't... think so?"

She blinked, her head tilted to one side, "You don't... what? What does that even mean?"

"It means it doesn’t seem possible."

"And why exactly is it not possible?" She asked, a small grin forming on her face.

You made a helpless gesture between the two of you, "Because you’re Addison Montgomery."

She stared, her eyes sparkling through her smile, "That is... not an explanation."

"Okay. Fine. From my perspective, you are beautiful, terrifying, brilliant, and half the hospital is either in love with you or afraid of you."

She narrowed her eyes, "I'm not terrifying." You gave her a look and she sighed. "Fine. Occasionally intimidating."

You ignored the alteration to your own statement and forged on.

"My point is, why would I think you like me?"

Addison stared at you for a moment like she genuinely could not believe this conversation was happening. Then she said, very slowly, "Because I flirt with you."

Your jaw dropped, "You do not."

"I absolutely do." She folded her arms. "In the elevator last Thursday, I told you your scrubs were distracting."

You frowned and shook your head, "Because they had blood on them." She just stared and gently shook her head right back at you. Your mouth opened. And closed.

Oh.

Addison continued, sounding almost exasperated now. "I bring you coffee."

"You bring lots of people coffee."

"No, I really don’t." She shifted closer, just enough that the space between you suddenly felt very noticeable. "When you speak in patient conferences, I listen to what you’re saying, not because I have to, but because I want to hear what you think."

Your breath caught.

"When we’re in surgery together, I notice everything." Her voice had gone lower now, quieter, more intimate. "I notice when you’re tired, even when you insist you’re fine. I notice when you’re stressed because your entire posture changes like you’re turning inwards, trying to protect yourself."

You couldn’t move.

Could barely breathe.

"I know when you’re happy, too," she continued, softer now. "Because you get this little crease beside your left eye when you smile properly. Not the polite smile you give colleagues, the real one." She gently places her finger near your temple.

Her gaze flicked over your face with pure tenderness.

"I know exactly how your eyes change when you’re overthinking something. They get distant for a second, like you disappear into your own head."

She lifted her other hand slowly, giving you time to pull away, but you didn’t. Her fingertips brushed your cheek.

"And you chew the inside of your cheek when you’re anxious." Then, your entire body went still because she was right, and you were doing it now. You pushed your cheek out from between your teeth.

Addison’s thumb brushed once near your jaw, her voice softening into something almost impossibly gentle. "I notice you." She paused, searching your face like she needed you to understand. "I notice when you walk into a room, even when I’m in the middle of something important. I notice when you’ve skipped lunch. I notice when you pretend you’re okay because you don’t want to burden anyone."

Her eyes shone with raw honesty now.

"And I notice that you keep looking at me like I’m something unattainable, something distant, when the truth is…" She swallowed. "I have spent months trying to get your attention."

A tiny, disbelieving laugh escaped you. "What?"