put your sadness in an angst fic and make it suffer so you're not sad anymore
I started a poll for which character gets hit with the sad beam and Floyd is winning so far.
Floyd Angst Drabble
-floyd suffers from unmedicated adhd ( and maybe depression) -he dosen't know what adhd is because twisted wonderland mental health care sucks -narrator pov | probably ooc | no comfort
Floyd Leech wants to get out of bed.
He's got no plans today, just a bunch of things he wants to do with his free time. He wants to go talk to his friends, he wants to go run and move his body, he knows laying in bed all day makes him all sad. He just needs to get up and get dressed!
To most people, "get up and get dressed," sounds like an easy and achievable task. To him, it sounds like "remove blanket, sit up, stand up, stretch one, stretch two, left sleeve, right sleeve, remove hoodie, repeat with tank top, right leg, left leg, blah blah blah!" All those steps and he hasn't even made it to the dresser!
Too much. Just the thought of it is stressing him out.
What else could he do then? He grabs his phone from beside him on the mattress. He clears his notifications, too much work to read them all.
There's this show he's been meaning to watch, he keeps telling Ace he'll get to it on his next day off. He can do that today. No getting dressed, no moving, no nonsense. All he has to do is put on the show. Which means opening the app, logging in, hitting the search tool...
Nevermind.
He knows he's physically capable. He knows logically, it'll only take ten seconds and then he can watch the show for hours. He knows he'll end up regretting not doing it, but he can't. He can't even do the things he wants to do. If he can't even do things he wants to do, how is he supposed to do things he doesn't want to do?
And there's so many things he doesn't want to do. Which are usually things he has to do. Finish assignments, turn in assignments, prep for his future, brush his teeth, write his mom, do boring buisness stuff at the lounge, think about his future, be around Jade, stay awake in class, take those yucky transformation potions- Even though he doesn't have to do most of those things today, he will in the future. All those thoughts of things are always looming over him like a raincloud. Every day he feels like he's drowning on land.
He can't do anything. So he does nothing.
...
He dosen't feel better.
Its so weird! On days where he's busy and overwhelmed, he wishes he was doing nothing! Now he's doing nothing, but he can't do the things he wants to do!
Whats sad is even when he's doing the things he wants to do, he dosen't nessacarily feel better. They're just temporary distractions from all those things he dosen't want to do.
What's even sadder is even in the crafted dream where he did do everything he wanted to do with no nasty unwanted chores, he still didn't feel better!
There's always this constant emptiness. This boredom. He hates how aware of it he is. He hates how he knows all of this is illogical but he can't do anything about it. He hates that his thoughts have never shut up a day in his life. He's always thinking about things. During conversations, trying to sleep, doing anything. His head is always so loud.
He wastes the whole day in bed. On and off pointless content on his phone. Hyper aware the entire time of how he'll regret it, but not being able to do anything about it. Of course, as the sun sets, he regrets it.
He wants his head to just be quiet for once. He just wants to be normal. He dosen't want to do anything but he dosen't want to do nothing. He dosen't want to sleep but he dosen't want to be awake. He dosen't want to keep living like this but he dosen't want die.
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Sorry I know I promised my next one wouldn't be all gloomy but oh well. Repetitive phrases are on purpose hope they're not annoying to read.
ADHD is a prison and I don't think we talk about it enough. Also Floyd's dream still makes me so sad he needs help.
Medication has changed my life and I really wish it was available to him. Give this man a Welbutrin. And get Leona and Cater some antidepressants while we're at it.... and someone bake Riddle an edible.
