How I Imagine Jily’s First Kiss Pt. 2
October 31st, 1977
“Lily didn’t seem like she was doing okay,” he said. “I should probably go check on her.”
She pulled him back in, her long fingers roaming over his shoulders. “Why do you care?” Alexandra asked, eyeing him closely.
James looked back at her, tearing his eyes away from where he had caught Lily leaving. “What?”
She scowled. “You heard me. Why do you care?”
“What do you mean, Lexie? She’s my friend, why wouldn’t I care?”
Alexandra scoffed. “Bullshit, James. She’s not your friend.”
James pulled his head back a bit, creasing his brows. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. She,” Lexie eye’s flicked towards where Lily had been, “Is not just your friend. Come on, JJ.”
“What are you talking about, Lexie?”
She turned her head, voice laced with venom. “Seriously? You know what I’m talking about! She has feelings for you!”
James balked. “Alexandra, this is Lily we’re talking about. She does not-”
“Yes she does,” she replied firmly. “And if you can’t see that, then you are truly an idiot, James Potter.”
“Lexie, you’re being ridiculous. I’ve been trying with Lily for years, I would know if she had feelings for me-” James saw the way Lexie’s eyes narrowed, and immediately regretted saying that. Seriously, Potter? You’re telling your girlfriend you’ve been trying with Lily for years?
“Yea?” she questioned. “You would know, right? So you can go running back to her?” James shook his head, opening his mouth, but she scoffed. “Please, spare me. You would go back to her in a heartbeat, JJ. We all know everyone will always come second when it comes to Lily.” She closed her eyes tightly, turning her head from him.
“That’s not true!” he exclaimed, although he wasn’t very sure if he believed it himself. “Lily is my friend, Lexie, just like Moony and Sirius and Peter are.” The truth, plain and simple. Lily had been there for him when his father had died. She had always been his shining light when things got too dark. He would never abandon her when she needed him. Never. James shook his head. “You just don’t understand what we’ve been through-”
The brunette snapped her head back to him, eyes cold and angry. “I do understand that you would choose that mudblood over me!” James closed his mouth immediately, his stare darkening. Alexandra gasped to herself, gaping at him- “JJ, I’m-”
He simply reached up and removed her arms from around his neck, stepping out of her arms. She reached for him, but he pushed her arms down, folding his own in front of him. “You’re right, Alexandra,” he said. “I would always choose good people like Lily and Sirius and Remus and Peter over someone like you.”
“James-”
“We’re done,” he said, and smiled cruelly. “Don’t worry, you can keep the quidditch jersey. I don’t want it back.”
He turned around, leaving the great hall. James could hear Alexandra calling after him, but he didn’t care. Never, in his entire life had he wanted to hex a girl so badly- scratch that, a person. He took a deep breath, his anger for Lily fading into protectiveness and concern.
He saw the look in her eye when she stormed out, and thought to himself, stupid stupid stupid. He shouldn’t have even bothered with Alexandra- just left her in the dust and gone after Lily. It’s what she deserved. Lily of all people never deserved to cry alone. And he wouldn’t let her be upset or angry or sad or lonely. Not while he was around.
Keep Lily safe.
Then James stopped in his tracks as a realization came to him- What if Alexandra was right?
No way. He scoffed at himself as he turned the corner to their dorm. Absolutely no way. Right?
He had loved Lily for so long… merlin, the possibility of her loving him back seemed-
Oh, Merlin.
Nope. No, no, never. James couldn’t even think about it much longer, lest he have a heart attack.
He arrived in front of their portrait, nervously pushing his hands through his hair before stepping through. He glanced around the small hallway, tapping his fingers against his thigh, watching Lily’s door. He absentmindedly wondered where Remus and Sirius were, having not seen them as he left- and knocked on the door.
“Lils?” he said, and noticed that the door was open. He pushed against it, entering her dorm space, glancing around. “Lily?”
James walked inside, about to call her name again- when he heard weak, slurred singing. Singing?
“Youu bet fape yup do do do,” the voice sang off key, “Cuz IIII needs a menn.” The voice broke into tears on the last line, and James frantically walked forward.
Lily was sprawled on the floor behind the couch, a carton of ice cream beside her, her hair now back to red and falling messily around her shoulders. She had mascara streaming down her pale skin in black lines, a frown on her full lips as she cried over the spoon of coffee ice cream in her mouth.
“Lils?” he asked gently, semi afraid to spook her off. “Are you alright?”
Lily glanced up, a weak smile forming on her lips. “Jaaaames!” she threw her arms up, the spoon flicking out of her mouth.
James knelt, offering his hand. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed, yea?”
She shook her head, grabbing the edge of the sofa. “I can get up on my own, see?” Lily heaved herself up clumsily. “I’m an independent woman!”
She got onto her feet, and James snickered as she immediately stumbled into his waiting arms. He caught her, holding her upright, her hands landing on his shoulders. “Yes, of course you are. Come now, this independent woman needs sleep.”
But Lily didn’t move forward. She only sighed, relaxing against him, laying her head against his chest. James felt his heart speed up, his cheeks flaming with color, and he prayed for mercy.
“Petals,” he tugged on her hair affectionately, “it’s late.” James tried to sound playful, but his voice came out hoarse, a whisper.
Lily lifted her head, her watery eyes crusted with mascara. She searched James’s face. Fuck, she’s beautiful. The most beautiful girl in the world. How can I ever look at anyone else?
Alexandra had definitely been right about one thing. He would go back to Lily in a heartbeat.
“Oh, God,” she moaned, wiping her cheeks- which only made the matter of her smeared makeup worse.“I look a mess.”
James gave a breathless laugh, unable to take his eyes off her. “You look perfect,” he muttered aloud, and then nearly shit himself for not saying it in his bloody head. Maybe he was a little more drunk than he thought.
Lily’s frown only deepened, and she banged her forehead down on his chest, groaning. “You make this so hard.”
James tried to lift her chin and make her look at him, but she wasn’t having it. “Petals, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
“Yes!” She looked up, her eyes brimming with tears, those tempting lips of hers wobbling. She even looks good crying, for fuck’s sake. “You’re my friend.” Lily’s voice broke on the last word. “And you have a girlfriend!”
James was not entirely sure what she was talking about, but he blurted,“I broke up with Alexandra.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“We’re erm… we’re not together anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because…” because she’s a nasty bitch, and nobody talks about my Lily that way and lives. “My heart just wasn’t in it.”
Lily brought her hand up tentatively from where it had been resting on his shoulder, brushing back a piece of hair that had fallen into his eyes. She sighed, pushing her fingers through his dark locks, and then gently tracing them over his brows, his cheekbones. James’s eyes closed, almost against his will.
“Oh James,” she breathed as her fingertips traveled over his bottom lip.
Her hand caressed his cheek, and his lashes fluttered. “Lily?” James wasn’t sure if his lungs were working correctly.
She was impossibly close. James noticed her feet were just barely touching the ground, actually- he was holding her up. Up high enough that Lily barely had to lift her chin to touch her lips to his.
James’s eyes flew open, and then immediately closed as she crushed her lips to his, whimpering softly, holding his face in her hands. He tightened his arm around her waist on instinct, one hand coming up to bury itself in her hair, cupping the back of her neck. She tasted like sweet berries and firewhisky, and James thought he might explode or die right there on the spot.
When Lily moaned, a breathless whine as she slid her tongue into his mouth, pushing forward with fervor, James was sure his soul left his body.
He thought he might never be able to stop. James cursed himself for stopping, but he knew he should because she’s drunk and this is the worst possible time to get caught up in the moment. So he pulled away gently, still breathless, his chest heaving, their lips still touching. He tightened his hand in her hair as her eyes opened, staring right at him. James pressed his forehead to hers.
“Lily,” he whispered, praying that this wasn't a dream. “My Lily.”
She only stared at him, her lips pink and a bit swollen, eyes wide and suddenly clear. James didn’t say a word, he simply picked her up, carried her to the open door of her bedroom, and set her atop the mattress.
He thought she might say something- but Lily already appeared to be falling asleep. James removed the clips from her hair, taking wipes off her nightstand and wiping away the cosmetics she had applied. He was sure Lily would not appreciate him undressing her, so James pulled the blankets over her body, kissed her forehead, and left.
When he got inside his dorm, James leaned against the wood roughly, touching his lips.
“Fuck,” he whispered.
Fuck.
