#flokileroux

For the staff it meant preparing a room, checking the functionality of said rooms bell, updating dietary restrictions and altogether letting Downton shine as much as possible. For Thomas is meant ordering them around.

The first footman was as curious about their new resident, as everyone was. Mr. Carson, the butler, had told the they expected Lord Aiden McTavish, the son of the Marchioness of Donegal. The noble Irish family were relatives of the Crawleys, who emigrated to Australia only ten years ago. Why the young lord decided to come the long way to Yorkshire just now, he did not tell. Not that Thomas had not tried to find out.

If there was someone who was able to dig out the darkest secrets the Abbey could offer, then it was Thomas Barrow. It had become some kind of hobby between him and O'Brian, the maid of her ladyship, but regarding this affair even he went nowhere.

About two hours after lunch he found himself lined up at the front door next to Downtons most important servants. Not every guest got that kind of greeting, only very important ones or members of the family. The last guest they had greeted like this had been the Duke of Crowborough, and Thomas grimaced at the thought of him. He wondered what kind of man this new lord would turn out to be. Would he be like the duke, self-serving and cruel? Would he be like Mr. Matthew, down-to-earth and unfitted for high society? Maybe he was a tanned brute without manners, like the Turkish diplomat had been, he was from Australia after all.

Thomas had to stop pondering the options, when Carson shot him an unapproving look. He straightened his face again and watched the carriage coming up the drive way.

The door opened after it had stopped and a young man stepped out, a bright smile on his face, which was only overshadowed by his flaming red hair. Thomas swallowed.

He was dainty, he found, almost too weedy for a boy his age, and outrageously pretty on top of that. Thomas had to avert his eyes, before Carson would found him staring.

“Aunt Cora, Uncle Robert!”, he greeted his lord- and ladyship, who seemed to be delighted and confused in equal measure. “It's good to see you.”

“Welcome to Downton, Aiden.”, Lady Cora said smiling, while her husband still seemed to be at loss for words. “I hope your travels were without complication?”

“Oh, it was lovely, if you don't mind being trapped on a ship for a month.”, he said with a grin. “No, seriously, it was fine.”

Aiden turned to his uncle. Lord Robert had eyed him up and down in wordless wonder and finally cleared his throat.

“You have changed.”, he said and made Aiden snort.

“Well, I hope I did.”, he replied, nervously rubbing his hand with his fingers. “And I hope for the better?”

Lord Robert smiled and patted his nephews shoulder.

“Of course, I'm impressed to be honest.”, he said with returning confidence. “Now come on in. Thomas will bring your luggage to your room.”

It took him a few seconds and a cough from Carson before he went into action and he looked up just in time for their eyes to meet. Thomas felt like his heart was stopping because the young lord looked at him with such an honest warmth, he had only seen in very few people. Especially not directed at him. He quickly forced himself to look away before tending the luggage.

“Please be careful with the leather bag!”, Aiden interjected, his voice full of worry. “The content is very fragile.”

“As you wish.”, Thomas said and tried to ignore the pale hand that almost touched his own, reaching for the bag.

“The girls will be home again by noon, but they are thrilled to see you again.”, he heard Lady Cora say, before she asked about the wellbeing of Aidens sister. He took a deep breath.

“Are you unwell, Thomas?”, Carson asked suspiciously, staying behind. “You are behaving like a hallboy.”

Thomas did not look at him, trying to control his rapid heartbeat.

“It's alright, Mr. Carson.”, he said instead and quickly took care of the luggage. He did not yet know how, but he was sure, Aiden McTavish would be the death of him.

A few hours later Thomas had almost overcome his encounter with the young lord. The Crawley daughters had returned by now and Mrs. Patmore was preparing this nights dinner. It was still time until they would serve it, time Thomas spend glaring at Mr. Bates from across the kitchen table.

Before his arrival, Thomas had been his lordships valet and he did not take it well being replaced. He had been doing a damn fine job and it wasn't fair to expect him to continue working as a mere footman. But perhaps, this would change now.

“Mr. Carson, have you decided who will become Lord McTavishs valet yet?”, he asked and sipped on his coffee, trying to sound desinterested. Carson made a face and put down his own cup.

“Lord Aiden will not be getting a valet.”, he said much to the servants surprise.

“Why not?”, Anna asked before Thomas had the chance to, a confused look on her face. It was one of the perks of being a noble, having someone helping one get dressed, whether it be a valet or a chamber maid. No lord ever visited Downton without one.

“Because it's his lordships wish.”, Carson said in a tone that would not allow any more questions.

Thomas blinked at him, snorted scandalized and shared a puzzled look with Anna. The maid shrugged and stifled a laugh.

“Oh, now don't look so offended, Thomas.”, Mrs. Patmore chimed in and shooed him out of his seat. He stood up with the rest of the servants, readying themselves for serving dinner.

“I would like to see your face, if his lordship decides to replace you with Daisy.”, Thomas snarled back. The cook rolled her eyes as he left.

It was probably for the best, he thought. Aiden McTavish was a handsome young man and like all handsome men he had to knew it. Thomas had have enough trouble with handsome man like that recently to know it was better for him to keep his distance.

xxx

There was a lot one could say about Thomas Barrow. That he was a scheming bastard for instance, who could call only a few people his friends. Or that he was more than willing to let others run into the open knife, if it served his purpose. But no one could say that Thomas had not tried to keep his distance from Aiden McTavish.

The young lord had found his way down into the servants lounge as early as his family had let him. He had introduced himself to the staff he now would share a house with and somehow stuck with them. Aiden didn't seem to take the protocol all too seriously, because day after day he went downstairs to visit them. Much to Carsons dismay, the boy had made a habit to chat up the maids and hallboys, effectively keeping them from their work. The butler would have intervened but even he had to admit that Aidens presence was lifting the mood of everyone around.

Thomas learned a lot about the young lord. He learned that Aiden missed snow, since it never seemed to snow in Australia. He also learned that Aiden liked to draw. When he wasn't telling them stories or the latest gossip from upstairs, he sat in silence and drew. It was a good opportunity to watch him, Thomas found. When he was lost in concentration, trying to get the shading just right, a signature crease between his eyebrows and his tongue slightly sticking out.

More often than not he found himself staring at the pretty boy, involuntarily imagining what else this tongue could do, what his plumb lips would taste like. Until Aiden looked up, met his gaze and both looked away. This game of cat and mouse would repeat itself a few times until one of them would excuse himself and leave. It was suffering of the sweetest kind and Thomas wouldn't want to have it any other way.

What exactly he was drawing so arduously Thomas seldom found out, because Aiden was shy to share his art. He had seen drawings of Iris, Lord Roberts dog, napping in the sun. A drawing of Daisy, the kitchen maid, had found it's way on the kitchens wall, framed and all, for she was very proud of it. Other than that the contents of Aidens sketch book remained a secret. As many things about the young lord did.

Even after weeks Aiden still hadn't chosen a valet and not only Thomas was desperate to know why. It was not only about the promotion anymore, Thomas wanted to spend more time with the boy. Aidens habit of hanging around the servant quarters was nice, otherwise he only saw him while serving dinner, but Thomas wanted more. He wanted to be the center of his attention.

Some would say that this infatuation of his was bordering into being unhealthy but Thomas didn't care. He had been lonely and cold for so long and Aiden was warmth personified.

Unlike other nobles he actually looked at him. For most people servants tended to fade into the background after some time, but Aiden noticed him whenever he entered or exited a room. It felt like a rush being seen like that and Thomas didn't want it to end.

It was one of the slower days when Daisy asked the question nobody else dared to ask.

“Why don't you want a valet?”, she asked out of the sudden. “Don't you want to reconsider? It makes Thomas so awfully gloomy.”

Thomas almost choked on his coffee at her words and Aiden shot him a surprised yet amused look.

“Is he now?”, he asked in an innocent tone, but the grin that formed on his lips belied him. “I'm truly sorry about that, but it's an order from Mama. I can't do anything about it.”

Thomas patted dry what his coffee had soiled, trying not to look at Aiden, who was still looking at him.

“But every lord has a valet, no?”, Daisy dug deeper and Aiden sighed.

“Let's just say, if Mama would allow anyone to help me get dressed, it would be a maid.”

Aidens voice was chipper but his tone made clear he did not want to talk about it further. Daisy however did not catch it.

“But only women get dresses by maids. And you are a man.”, she said, not noticing how Aidens face darkened.

“Well, Mama disagrees.”, he murmured. “Probably thinks I'm a changeling, too...”

The mood had shifted and Aiden had lost interest in talking about anything at all. He emptied his up and excused himself to return upstairs. Thomas eyes followed him leaving. He furrowed his brows and tried to make sense of what Aiden had said but he came to no conclusion. Daisy huffed in frustration.

“I don't get it.”, she said but Mrs. Patmore was having none of it.

Thomas left them and walked outside while lighting a cigarette. He leaned against the arched entryway of the court yard and pondered in peace, until O'Brian joined him.

“What do you think that was about?”, she asked ready to gossip.

“Don't know.”, he answered truthfully. O'Brian watched him, waiting. He hollowed his cheeks while taking a drag of his cigarette, enjoying the tension he created. He knew she expected him to snoop around or thought he already did, was waiting for him to tell her what he had found out. When she realised he wouldn't spill the tea, she pulled a face and left.

Fingers ran through his hair and he believed to hear a deep voice talking to him. Groaning he cuddled up closer to the warmth beside him.

Downton used a nice detergent, he noticed after a deep breath through his nose. It reminded him of sunny days and trips to the sea. But among the familiar scent he also noticed traces of soap and... smoke? Aidens memory bombarded him with pictures of long fingers and red lips around a cigarette and suddenly it dawned him.

As if hit by electricity he jumped backwards and almost fell out of the bed, if it wasn't for Thomas' arm that held him. For a few seconds they only stared at each other, both pair of eyes widened in shock. Aiden could hear his heart beating in his chest.

Without a word he left the bed, almost hyperventilating, as the red heat crept up behind his neck. He covered his face with his hands and peeked through his fingers at Thomas, who looked at him, still in shock and somehow hurt. He sat there, struggling to find the right words.

“I'm... I am so sorry.”, he said breathless. “This is your room... How did I even-”

Aiden cussed quietly. Uncle Robert would kill him. He would kill him and send his body back to his mother as a lost cause. And he would fire Thomas, or worse, get him arrested and there was nothing he could do for him, because he would be a dead body in an unmarked crate on his way to Australia.

“You... You couldn't sleep and... you fled the storm.”, Thomas said eventually and cleared his throat. “You passed out and I.... I could not leave you outside and believe me, I didn't plan to... you did not let me... and I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this.”

“No, Thomas, look at me.”, Aiden interrupted him, putting his hands on Thomas face. “It's fine, alright? It's fine.”

Thomas looked up at him with hurt in his eyes, as if he tried his hardest not to cry. This was a completely different Thomas, to what Aiden had seen until now. He knew the arrogant Thomas, who behaved like he was better than anyone else, because honestly, he was. He also knew the cocky Thomas, always teasing and trying to rile up people for fun. And there was happy Thomas, possibly the truest to himself, smiling and proud and kind. This Thomas however looked so much younger and hurt and watching him broke Aidens heart.

“All is well.”, he said with emphasis, caressing Thomas' cheeks with his thumbs. “We are friends, right? So no big deal! I passed out and you took care of me, that's what friends do. It's fine.”

Aiden retreated his hands and Thomas let out a shuddering breath. The man looked like he would freak out any minute and honestly, so was Aiden. He tried to distract his anxious mind by thinking up a plan to return to his own room, without getting caught.

“What time is it?”, he asked and Thomas turned to look at the alarm clock.

“Quarter past six.”, he said. “The others should still be asleep.”

“They better be. If someone sees me here, we are going to be in trouble.”

Aiden rubbed his arms to fight the cold and suppressed a shudder. The storm hadn't worn off yet and it was eager to find even the smallest crack in the walls to blow through. The bed creaked as Thomas moved.

“Here.”, he said softly and laid a robe over Aidens shoulders. The young lord could feel the warmth of his body behind him. Even after Thomas retreated, the touch of his hands lingered.

Slowly Aiden turned around and remembered the night of his first cigarette. He remembered his piercing grey eyes and his knowing smile, as if Thomas had known how hard Aidens heart was beating. Now he looked almost afraid.

I want to kiss him, Aiden thought.

“I have to go.”, he said instead and left, before he would do something very stupid.

The corridor was dark and empty. Aiden sneaked along the hallway and past two doors until he reached the chest of drawers that put him in his situation in the first place. He shot the piece of furniture a dirty look and walked on, when suddenly a voice rang out.

“Lord Aiden? What are you doing down here?”, Daisy asked, walking around the corner, a coal bucket in her hand. Aiden felt his heart stop.

“Good Lord, Daisy!”, he cussed. “Would you wear a bell or something?”

“I'm sorry! I didn't mean to give you a fright.”, she said and stepped closer. “But what are you doing down here?”

Aiden needed an excuse, quickly.

“I... um...”, he stuttered helplessly. “I have a migraine! And I wanted to see if Mrs. Hughes has something for it... Yes...”

This was perfect! There was not a soul who hadn't noticed how much Aiden suffered under his lack of sleep. It was only natural that he had developed a headache because of it. Daisy however furrowed her brows.

“You are looking for Mrs. Hughes? Here?”, she asked confused and Aiden groaned internally.

Here, namely the mens quarters, were not the place to find her, obviously.

“I may have gotten lost a little, taken the wrong stairs.”, he said. “You know, it's hard to think straight with no sleep and a splitting headach-”

“Isn't that Thomas' robe?”, Daisy interrupted his explanation and Aiden opened and closed his mouth like a fish on land.

“Of course not!”, he denied and snorted. “Why in Gods name should I be wearing... Mrs. Hughes!”

The housekeeper, still in her nightgown, looked up in surprise, when she spotted the young lord.

“Lord Aiden, are you unwell? What are you doing down here?”

Aiden left Daisy and her investigations behind and gladly followed Mrs. Hughes out of the quarters. She indeed could help his made up pain and she kept her questions to herself, which was even better. He politely thanked her, before returning upstairs, happy to have escaped.

“Aiden?”

Lady Luck truly wasn't on his side today, he thought and wondered what he had done to deserve this punishment.

“Sybil?”, he replied and turned around to his cousin, who had just left her room.

“Why are you up already?”, she asked with a yawn and stretched. Aiden blinked.

“I have a headache and went to ask Mrs. Hughes for help.”, he repeated his half-truth, rubbing his forehead for emphasis. Sybil watched him a few seconds before a grin appeared in her face.

“Is that Thomas' robe?”, she asked, grinning even wider when she saw his face heating up.

“What? No!”, he denied. This couldn't be happening.

“Are you sure?”, Sybil asked sceptically and stepped closer. She took the collar of the robe between her fingers and bend down to smell the fabric. “So you started to smoke inside your room, hm?”

Aidens mouth opened but no word came out of it, while his face went redder every second.

“Okay... I'll give you that one.”, he sighed eventually. “How did you even recognize this thing?”

Sybil started to giggle and jumped up and down like a school girl. Aiden couldn't help but smile watching her, because honestly, he didn't feel differently. Now that the shock had worn off all that remained was a mixture of excitement, nervousness and an emotion Aiden neither could nor wanted to name.

“Shhhh...”, he tried to call her down. “Do you want everyone to know?”

“So you were with Thomas Barrow?”, she asked snickering. “Over night?”

“Yes, but it's not like you think.”, Aden justified. “Thomas and me... We did not... We are not... You know...”

Sybil gave him a knowing smile.

“Aiden, look.”, she said in a low voice. “I know... the whole Abbey knows that Thomas is... not a ladies man. It's the worst kept secret of the house, after you perhaps.”

Aiden looked at her confused.

“Oh don't look so surprised!”, she snorted. “I am well aware of what a man like Thomas would like to do with someone like you, if he had the chance.”

Aiden shook his head, trying hard not to imagine what Thomas would do.

“No, I meant it.”, he said in earnest. “It wasn't like that. I couldn't sleep because of this damned storm. I haven't slept in days and it's so awfully loud up here.”

“So you went downstairs to cuddle?”, she asked grinning. Aiden sighed.

“No, and even if I was, I didn't make it till there.”, he said. “I ran into a cabinet, woke up Thomas and then passed out. In the middle of our conversation.”

A short moment they said nothing, before Sybil sighed.

“At least he did help you sleep.”, she said in a dry tone, shooting her cousin an innocent look. Both did burst out laughing.

“Of course did he help.”, Aiden said. “Have you looked at this man?”

“Not as thoroughly as you did, apparently.”

“Sybil!”

“What are you two up to?”, they heard Edith's voice from down the hall.

“Nothing!”, they replied in unison, causing Edith to furrow her brows.

“Is that robe new?”, she asked eventually and Aiden lifted his arms in frustration.

Today was different. Aiden didn't show up after breakfast, neither did he after lunch. When he finally made his way downstairs, a leather bag clutched between his fingers, he did it with a frown.

What he planned to do could very much turn out to be a horrible idea, he knew that. But his situation left him no other choice. There was a rumor about him and though the truth was no less scandalous, he wanted to set things straight. If he was to be shunned he wanted it to be because of his own decisions and not some misunderstanding.

The servants stood up in reflex when Aiden entered the lounge with quick steps. A habit they couldn't or didn't want to shake, no matter how often he asked them to.

“I have indeed brought shame into my family in one way or another.”, he said, while putting down the bag onto the table. “But me bringing drugs into this house is a lie I can not and will not accept.”

Daisys eyes widened in fear and she looked like she was on the brink of fleeing.

Approximately a week ago Daisy had caught him in a very compromising situation which she unfortunately had misinterpreted in the worst way possible. She told Mrs. Patmore, the cook told Mr. Carson and Carson eventually told it Lord Grantham who had a word with Aiden about the usage of drugs in his home. Aiden was able to explain the situation rather easily but now he had to fix the damage and stop the rumors.

“I think you all know what rumors I am talking about.”, he said and looked around. Some of the maids had the decency of looking away in shame. “I'm not mad. I just want to set things right.”

With a practiced hand he opened the leather bag and began to unpack its contents. A few ampoules of glass, some syringes and antiseptic found their way onto the table.

“Daisy, do you remember our conversation about the reason why Mama won't allow me to have a valet?”, he asked and the kitchen maid nodded. “Well, I didn't plan to tell any of you, at least not so soon, and I probably shouldn't...”

Aiden stopped and closed his eyes for a second. This was harder than expected.

“The last time I visited Downton... I was around six year old back then...”, Aiden said and glanced at Carson to his left. “Mr. Carson perhaps can remember.”

“I do.”, he confirmed, a strange tone in his voice. “My lord, you don't have to-”

“Back then I was known as Lady Aine McTavish.”, Aiden finished his story, ignoring Carsons interjections.

Silence befell the room as everyone tried to process this information.

“I don't expect you to approve my decision, enough people don't, I just want to say...”, Aiden licked his lips. “These are no drugs, it's medicine. I take them once a month and I talked about it to both my doctor and priest.”

Aiden took a deep breath and refused to look into anyone's face. They said one would feel better after getting things off ones chest, but he felt even worse. He had lost a good amount of people through this, he feared history would repeat itself today yet again.

Before he arrived only the family had been informed about his condition, besides the servants who had already known him as a girl. They had chosen not to tell anyone else on purpose. People tended to react unkindly. In a few seconds, when they all understood what Aiden was, they would judge him as well. He did not fear anything beside hurtful words, he was a lord still... or a lady for that matter, but he wouldn't be able to show his face downstairs anymore. Neither would they want him to. Aiden tried to mentally prepare himself for what was about to happen. What had already happened so often.

“But you look nothing like a lady.”, Daisy said eventually, when nobody dared to speak. Aiden sighed.

“This medicine... corrects some parts of my appearance, though not everything. If I look like a man to you, it did its job.”

“So you are no lord then?”, O'Brien asked with a poker face. Aiden couldn't have spoken more than a handful of words with her until now. She was a nosy woman, always listening and watching too closely for his taste. But she was friends with Thomas, it seemed, so Aiden didn't mind her much.

“Technically I am not even a lady.”, Aiden sighed, still anxious. “Mama disinherited me, title and all.”

“Does her ladyship knows about this?”

“Of course, it's been the reason why I got sent here after all.”, Aiden confirmed. Not that the cat got out of the bag, he could may as well be honest. His reputation was already ruined beyond repair. “Mama hoped that some time in the kingdom would set me straight.”

Thomas inhaled loudly before lighting up a cigarette, pondering. Aiden couldn't help but look at him. He wouldn't get the chance to look at him for a long time, he thought. But when Thomas looked up and met his gaze, he saw neither anger nor disgust in his eyes. He merely blinked at him, his brows furrowed and lost in thought. Aiden felt like he was about to cry.

“His lord- and ladyship don't seem to want to set you straight.”, Thomas said after a while, blowing out some smoke. “Everyone calls you by your correct name and title.”

Aiden escaped a breath he was not aware of holding in.

“No, Granny supports me and must have spoken to Uncle Robert.”, he said. “But he is not happy about it.”

Thomas kept staring at him, though Aiden wasn't so sure if he wasn't staring through him instead. He looked down to his hands, which held the leather bag in an iron grip, trying to conceal their shaking.

“Well, I suppose the rumors are taken care of now.”, Carson said, touching Aidens shoulder as an act of consolation. “We appreciate you telling us about this and I only think it's fair if we respect your decision and lifestyle. As strange it may appear to us.”

Carson meant well, but his words misses their mark. If there was something worse than people insulting him it was people who pitied him.

“I don't want to bother you further.”, Aiden said with a hoarse voice, quickly gathering his utensils. “You must be busy.”

Without another word he hurried back upstairs. Aiden felt sick. It was the same feeling he had felt, when his mother had caught him cutting his own hair. Or when she noticed his voice changing. He did not want to know what she would do if she knew what else he had done to his body.

He closed the door behind him, after entering his room, and carefully placed the bag on his desk. Groaning he let himself fall backwards onto his bed, rubbing his face.

If only Daisy hadn't seen him, nothing would have had to change. But she had seen him and things had changed the moment he decided to spill his secret. Now he feared that his beginning friendships with Daisy and Anna would change and the way they would treat him. And even worse, Thomas would change the way he looked at him.

xxx

Thomas' days had become dull after Aidens confession. The young lord had withdrawn entirely for the last three weeks but Thomas still perked up whenever he heard steps coming down the stairs. Aiden not only skipped his daily visits downstairs, he seemed to actively avoid Thomas, because whenever he served upstairs the young man was nowhere to be seen. He did neither attend lunch nor dinner, he didn't join Thomas smoking and he seemed to know secret passages through the Abbey even Thomas wasn't aware of. He might as well have been moved out as far as Thomas knew. Not even today, when Lady Cora had invited the Dowager Countess for tea, he did show his face.

Thomas missed him. He was fully aware that Aiden did not owe him his company and that it was highly unnatural for a noble to spend so much time with the servants anyway. But Thomas had gotten used to his presence. He missed their little talks, he missed Aidens smile first thing in the morning and he missed being looked at like he was more than just a simple footman. Aiden had become a dear friend to him. A friend he very much liked to kiss, that was.

Before Aiden, he had never heard about people who switched their gender or, as Anna had phrased it, were born into the wrong body. To be honest, he had been confused and obviously couldn't relate, but he could imagine the struggle of trying to keep it a secret. Like homosexuality it was very much illegal to show oneself as a man whilst born being a woman, at least officially. In documents Lord Aiden would always stay Lady Aine, no matter what he looked like or as whoever he introduced himself as. As long as he didn't try to marry a woman or claim an official title as a lord, he should be safe, if he was careful.

Spilling his secret to the servants had been a massive token of trust and Thomas understood that the boy must be anxious about them thinking of him as foul. So he had gone to the library to do some research.

He had not found much, obviously, but there had been one particular story that he found most impressive. In ancient Greece they told a myth about a woman named Caenis, who was abducted by the god Poseidon. He raped her but eventually granted her a wish as compensation. She only wished for one thing, for her body to be turned into a man. Poseidon did as she, no, as he wished and he gave him an impenetrable skin as well. Some scholars argued that he did only ask to become a man, so nobody could ever rape him again, but Thomas knew all to well, that being a man did nothing to prevent being raped. Not today and certainly not back then.

In conclusion, people like Aiden were as old as time itself, just as people like Thomas had always existed. He had thought long and hard about it and with every day without him it became clearer: Aiden was Aiden, no matter what he had been known as before. Now he only had to tell him that.

What brought him back to his problem, because Aiden was still nowhere to be found.

The Dowager had left already and Thomas was busy clearing the table, when he spotted a plate of miniature scones. Aiden loved scones, but he hated raisins, so Mrs. Patmore had taken to baking the small cakes without them. In fact, she was baking them only because she hoped they would lure the young man back into her kitchen. But at first he had to know that these scones existed.

Thomas decided to not take the plate back downstairs, but instead went to place it in front of Aidens door. He did not knock, Aiden wouldn't likely be in his room anyway, but bent down to place the plate on the ground. The plate had not yet touched the floor, when he heard the door open.

“Thomas!”, Aiden exclaimed loudly after nearly running into the footman, who quickly straightened his back. “I'm sorry, I-”

“I brought you scones.”, Thomas interrupted him. Aiden began to fidget, trying to look anywhere but at Thomas' face.

“Thank you, but that really wasn't necessa-”

Thomas took a scene and stuffed it into Aidens mouth, successfully silencing him.

“They are made without raisins.”, he said as a matter of fact. “If you want more, come down into the kitchen. Mrs. Patmore made plenty.”

Aiden looked at him, mouth full and frozen like a deer in the headlight, and Thomas used his inability to speak to disappear. With quick steps he went down the corridor, hands sweaty and collar suddenly way too tight. He had underestimated how much he missed the man. Suddenly he wasn't so sure anymore, if it would be beneficial for him that Aiden might be going back to spend his time in the servants lounge. Not if Thomas kept behaving like that around him. He had to get a grip on himself and not let show his growing feelings for the young man.

Now that he was here it wasn't too bad, he found. It had been a long time ago, since he last stepped foot into Downton and it was nice to see the Crawleys again. But what Aiden found the most interesting did not lay upstairs but in the servants quarters.

Aiden did not spend much time with his mother these days and the only alternative to her had been their butler Darby and the cook Audrey. He was thrilled that there were so many people working in the abbey. There were not only a butler, but footmen, a housekeeper, maids and lots of hallboys. To feed all of this mouths not only a cook was needed but a kitchen maid as well.

Both of which were the reason why Aiden had fled the kitchen to take some fresh air outside.

The courtyard was dark and empty, except for one figure, leaning against the back of a carriage. Shrouded in shadows Thomas Barrow lit a cigarette, the flame painting his face in an orangy glow. He hollowed his cheeks as he took a drag and let the lighter disappear in his pocket. Aiden found himself staring at the man, all cheekbones and pale skin, when Thomas spotted him.

Piercing grey eyes seemed to paralyze him as Thomas locked eyes with the young man and slowly blew out the smoke. Aiden felt trapped, like it was the Gancanagh who stood in front of him instead.

“Do you smoke?”, Thomas asked and offered him the lit cigarette. Aiden blinked.

“No.”, he said and stepped closer. “But might as well start now.”

He came to hold mere centimeters before the footman. Hesitantly he took the cigarette out of his fingers, not without touching them for a brief second. With shaking hands he brought it to his mouth.

Aiden had no problem with a smoking, quite the contrary in fact. One could say he had found a certain fascination with watching Thomas smoking to be honest. What bothered him was that the cigarette had been hanging between his lips only seconds ago. Those damned cherry red lips. Aiden tried to think too hard about it, took a deep breath and tried his luck.

He had barely taken a drag as he felt cold fingers caressing the back of his knee. He shrieked as his knee bent and almost choked on the smoke that filled his lungs. Coughing he tried to regain his balance and shot Thomas an accusing look. Thomas only laughed.

“What the...”, Aiden uttered still coughing. His lungs were burning and tears had gathered in the corners of his eyes. Even worse, it felt like Thomas' hand was still on him.

“I'm sorry...”, he said apologetic but couldn't hide his grin completely. “I didn't expect you to jump like that. I only wanted to help with your... breathing technique.”

“Did work I'd say.”, Aiden muttered with a strained voice. His heart was beating out of his chest. He passed the cigarette back and stepped closer again, though still suspicious.

“What are you doing out here anyway?”, Thomas asked. “Certainly not to have a smoke?”

Aiden wrinkled his nose.

“No, Mrs. Patmore is making liver and I can't stand the smell.”, he said. Thomas lifted an eyebrow.

“So you flee into the pleasant fragrance of cigarette smoke?”

“Could be worse.”, Aiden replied. “You could be smoking clove cigarettes.”

He took the once again offered cigarette and took a drag before looking up. He found Thomas already staring. Thomas tended to stare at him quite often, Aiden had noticed. He did it most often, when he was drawing, looking at him completely unabashed until Aiden could not ignore the tingling heat that was creeping up behind his ears. He was a pretty boy, Aiden knew that and many others back home had noticed it as well. But few had ever shown it so bluntly.

Thomas plucked the cigarette out of his hands and Aidens eyes followed it to his mouth. He licked his lips, like he usually did and Aiden may or may not have sighed watching it. He wasn't sure if Thomas knew what it did to him.

“You look like you like what you see.”, Thomas said, suddenly bold and blew the smoke right into his face. Aidens eyes flickered back to his. He panicked.

“You look like the asshole caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.”, he shot back and Thomas showed him a face of utter confusion. He almost wished he had his sketch book with him.

“Well you look like the Cheshire Cat.”, Thomas replied after a few seconds which made Aiden grin exactly like that grinning cat. “See?”

“Great now we roast each other with book characters.”, Aiden nodded. “Very mature.”

Thomas smiled and for once it was an honest smile. Aiden could see the crows feet around his eyes, that never showed themselves when Thomas faked it. He finished the cigarette and let the remains fall to the ground, stepping on it. His gaze returned to Aidens face and they both knew there was no excuse to stay, yet neither of them moved. Until Carson struck the gong for dinner.

“If you'll excuse me, Mr. Barrow.”, Aiden said and implied a bow, before stepping away slowly. Thomas did not follow him.

“I'll see you at dinner.”, he said instead and Aiden turned around smiling.

“That you will.”, he confirmed before retreating into the house. He just hoped he had enough time left to calm down, before his reddened face would result in unwanted questions.

xxx

Daisy didn't want to look, she really didn't. At least that's what she told herself, after curiosity won over common decency and she found herself peeking through the half opened door to Aidens room.

She had been on her daily tour to rekindle the fireplaces when strange noises alerted her. She went over and she swore she didn't want to look but she did and what she saw let her stop in her tracks. Lord Aiden was not yet gone to eat breakfast like his cousins, instead he stood in the dark of his room and seemed to struggle with something.

Daisy inched closer to the door. His lordship carried something in his hand, which she couldn't quite identify yet. If he would only turn around... Aiden sighed pained and did exactly that. With a jolt he pushed down his pants to his knees and sat down. Daisy covered her mouth in an attempt to quieten the shriek she couldn't stop herself from making.

Aiden didn't hear her. He took a deep breath and lifted the item in his hand, the syringe, as Daisy now realized, dramatically reflected the faint light. With shaking hands he placed the injection into his upper thigh, all while making a face that showed anything but pleasure. Once empty he discarded the utensil with care and took a shuddering breath. He rubbed his eyes with a groan and turned up to stand again.

Daisy hurried away from the door, right into Lady Sybils room. With eyes as big as saucers she tried to understand what she had seen, waiting until she could hear his footsteps leaving the corridor.

The kitchen maid peaked out of the room and watched Lord Aiden walking down the stairs as if nothing had happened. She had only two rooms left to fire up and Aiden wouldn't be in the kitchen before the servants finished their breakfast. A small frame but enough time to tell Mrs. Patmore what she had seen whilst they were alone.

xxx

“Mrs. Patmore, do you have a minute?”, Daisy asked as soon as she entered the kitchen.

“What is it, Daisy?”, the cook snapped, busy tending the oven. “Can't it wait?”

“I fear not, Mrs. Patmore.”, she said quickly. “I have seen something, I should not have seen, I think.”

Mrs. Patmore stopped in her tracks and looked at her.

“What are you talking about, girl?”, she asked confused. “What happened?”

Daisy looked around. Thomas was sitting at the table in the servants lounge, reading the newspaper while O'Brien went to bring a tray upstairs.

“Not here.”, the kitchen maid said. “Follow me, please.”

She led Mrs. Patmore away into the boot room, where she could talk freely.

“Daisy, what happened? Spit it out already!”, Mrs. Patmore said who was getting impatient. Daisy took a deep breath.

“I was upstairs tending the fires and I swear I wasn't peaking but the door was open and I might have seen Lord Aiden using drugs.”

Mrs. Patmore blinked at her a few times in utter disbelieve, before she spoke.

“Daisy, do you know what you are saying?”, she asked. “This is a serious accusation and a against a lord that is...”

“He just sat there, in the dark and he had a syringe and he injected something into his thigh!”, Daisy described. “And he didn't look like he enjoyed it much. I am worried.”

Both woman perked up when they heard Aidens voice, speaking to Thomas next to the stairs. Daisy shot Mrs. Patmore a panicked look.

“Daisy, listen.”, the cook said strictly. “You say nothing and I will have a word with Mr. Carson. He will know what to do.”

“Alright, Mrs. Patmore.”, Daisy replied unsure. She followed her into the kitchen and tried not to be seen by his lordship, who was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, talking to Thomas.

Thomas was smiling an awfully lot recently, she found, and he was only half as mean to everyone as usual. She watched the footman standing proudly next to the young lord, smiling with his chest stretched out like a courting bird. And suddenly it dawned her. Mr. Thomas Barrow was sweet on this man.

It fell like scales from her eyes when she understood what Mrs. Patmore had meant by saying Thomas was a lost soul. Not for women he was, but for men indeed. And Lord Aiden seemed to reciprocate with the way he tilted his head and was smiling at the footman. Daisy had been mighty proud that his lordship had chosen to draw her but she knew in his sketch book had to exist more than a dozen pictures of Thomas. And who could blame him, the man was gorgeous.