DP x DC AU — “We’re Getting Paid to Ruin a Wedding (Professionally)”
College roommates AU where everything is normal—
Except Danny.
“Hey,” Danny says casually, halfway through eating cereal at 2am, “I won’t be here the 19th to 21st next month. Got a job.”
Dick, upside down on the couch for no reason: “What kind of job?”
Danny shrugs.
“Going to a wedding.”
Dick perks up.
“Oh? Anyone I know?”
Danny, completely serious:
“Nope. Bride and groom are paying me to attend and act as gay as possible—tastefully—so the groom’s homophobic uncle gets mad enough to punch me.”
Silence.
Dick slowly sits upright.
“…I’m sorry, they’re paying you to WHAT?”
Danny gestures with his spoon.
“Cause a scene. Get punched. Ruin the vibe. Give them an excuse to cut him off forever.”
A beat.
“Honestly? Respect.”
Dick stares.
Processes.
Then—
“Oh my god, you’re living my dream.”
Danny grins.
“Knew you’d get it.”
Dick leans forward.
“Can you livestream it?”
Danny pauses.
Smiles slowly.
Dangerously.
“…Or.”
Dick narrows his eyes.
“…Or?”
Danny pulls out his phone.
“I ask if I can bring a plus one.”
Dick freezes.
“…You’re kidding.”
Danny starts typing.
“I could even split the payment so they don’t have to pay extra—”
“Screw the money,” Dick cuts in immediately. “I’m in it for the drama.”
Danny stops typing.
Looks at him.
Grins wider.
“Oh, you are perfect for this.”
A few minutes pass.
Danny’s phone buzzes.
He checks it.
Then looks up—
“…They said yes.”
Dick lights up.
“Wait—seriously?!”
“They already added you to the invite,” Danny says, delighted. “They’re really excited about this.”
Dick claps his hands once.
“Oh this is going to be incredible.”
Danny leans back, smirking.
“Hope you’re ready to flirt with me all night, pretty boy~”
Dick immediately chokes.
“I—Pfft—what—”
“You heard me,” Danny says, completely unbothered. “We gotta sell it.”
Dick straightens.
Attempts confidence.
Fails slightly.
“I was raised by Bruce Wayne,” he says, voice cracking just a little. “I can flirt.”
Danny raises an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah?”
He leans forward just enough to be menacing about it.
“Prove it.”
Dick opens his mouth.
Closes it.
Opens it again.
Nothing comes out.
Danny snorts.
“Oh this is gonna be fun.”
Dick points at him.
“That was a warm-up.”
“Sure it was.”
“I will absolutely out-flirt you at this wedding.”
Danny grins.
“Looking forward to it.”
Somewhere, in the near future—
A wedding is about to be absolutely derailed by two idiots who are way too committed to the bit.
And neither of them are ready for how real the acting might start to feel.
