#flight mode

i did something on my own for the first time, and it went well, but no matter how well it may have gone, it was still overwhelming. i live in a body where everything becomes too much. good things can be happening or neutral things, and my body will still become distressed. my thoughts might, too, but that isn't always the case. i can have healthy thoughts, a steady consciousness, while my body stresses and aches for no other reason than this environment is new or overstimulating. i had to walk out of a restaurant and cry this evening because the force of it was all too much. the night got better, but not before i cracked under the pressure. my friend helped me out, but i know she doesn't understand. she will give me the time and space and presence i need, but it will confuse her nonetheless. i wish i could be uncomplicated for her and others and myself, but my body and mind just don't work like that.