#firstnight

I want to scream talk about the first night again.

Another opinion that changed for me over the years - about this dialogue option. I didn't pick it on my first PT, and in all my time here only chose it, like, once just to see what they'd say. I've always been weary of it, thought it insensitive and selfish and just not fitting for my char.

However, much like with Fenris's part in Night Terrors, my view has changed.

When Hawke says this, he doesn't sound like anything I'd imagined. To me he seems weary and tense, possibly trying to move the conversation forward in a light-hearted manner without really pushing. Subtly poking for details to understand just how Fenris really feels and how he should act (Purple Hawke is not just funny, he's bloody witty). It sure helps that I have a better general understanding of my Hawke now.

But the point is that it sheds more light on Fenris's reaction and state of mind. DA2 fans have always had very different opinions on how the first night really went and many thought it was traumatic for Fenris, linking it to his past sexual abuse.

And I do not agree with that take.

In the beginning it was utterly confusing and I honestly couldn't decide what to make of it all.

When did the flashback hit? did Hawke not notice at all that Fenris was not okay? if it was sex that provoked it then how is Fenris able to have fun with Isabela with no trouble AT ALL? HOW could it be "better than anything I could have dreamed"?

Common take was that Fenris's feelings for Hawke made it different, but if so, could it be about a past love? (hated this one, too depressing)

I'd really like to believe that the conclusion I decided on for myself considers all those details.

Okay, I already mentioned that I would have prefered this romance to develop differently, but that's how it had been written, no way around it. Like everyone else I can only try to add things on top to make it more edible.

So... That first night. I feel the necessity to repeat again and again that I always have Fenris nitiate it after he had some time to himself after his Bitter pill.

idk if Hawke would agree with me (it's not like we have full control over his character), but my Garrett was not at all crazy about sex. It wasn't what he needed from Fenris, and didn't exactly want it either, but that's how you build relationships in rpgs. So what mattered was that Fenris wanted it, whatever his reasons. And Hawke wanted to give him what he wanted, to make him understand that he'll always be there for him. So they moved to the bedroom.

Fenris was pretty insistent - taking off Hawke's shirt, guiding him to the bed. Maybe he tried to distract himself, and not think too deeply about... everything? Hawke allowed him all that, but still felt a bit uneasy. When they landed on the bed he paused to make sure "Is this what you really want?" And Fenris, tbh I don't think, knew himself what exactly he wanted, but whatever it was it had to do with Hawke. Hawke made him feel better and gave him a sense of something. Sex was probably the simplest, most obvious answer. Fenris didn't want to lie to him and replied with the only thing he was certain of: I want you.

And then he pulled Hawke down, kissing him again, then turned them over, and started ditching his own clothes.

Hawke could only go along with it.

I’m so insitent on Fenris started it, it’s very funny to remember that it was originally a happy accident.

On my first PT I was still figuring things out, sometimes consulting the guide and wiki. It said that the love scene took place after Hadriana, but I didn’t get the heart dialogue option - because I hadn’t had the QB talk yet - because there was not enough friendship points - because I encountered Fenris too late in the game - and thought I’d screwed up my romance altogether.

So they hung out some more, did more stuff together, and what a surprise it was when Fenris appeared at Hawke’s doorstep.

Wonder if it would have felt differently…

next

A collection of stories and events with Victor, Yuuri, and their daughter Elena.

Chapter 2: The First Night

Yuuri is uneasy about Elena's first night home.