#first year thoughts

So this past week has been really rough, in the best way!  I love God so much I just want to talk about what He's done for me.  So, last Thursday I threw out all this junk I had, tying me to my past. I ended up filling four trash bags! Once that was out of my house and out of my life, I felt like I was on top of the world!! Literally it was so cool! After I had that out, God was able to work in ways I've never seen Him work. Just speaking, giving me visions, and just chilling with me. That sounds so weird but it's so chill. On Saturday I went to a Woman's conference, where I saw a friend from church. She pointed out how I looked different, not physically but just radiant. She also introduced me to a friend of hers as a 'true worshipper' this reminded me that I LOVED to worship. The joy was really able to come through after that. I felt like I did back when I first got saved. Then God broke a soul tie later that night. Like what?! I don't even have words. Fast forward to today, so I'm sitting in chapel journaling. and God leads me to Mark 5:6 

When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him.

"How much would you change, if you changed your perspective?"        God has been working on me like no other these past two weeks. We get the privilege of learning about freedom in a class led by our head staff. Through these past weeks we've received packets of different prayers, scriptures and tools we can use in every day life to gain freedom through Christ.

   The thing is, we're already free. God says so many things in scripture about freedom, in Him, through Him, and from Him.     Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. -2 Cor 3:17

   So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. -Galatians 5:1

   So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. -John 8:36

I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts. -Psalm 119:45

   Freedom is littered throughout the entire bible, and I asked for freedom from the Holy Spirit, who led me to Isaiah 52:1-2, 7-12.

Wake up, wake up, O Zion!     Clothe yourself with strength. Put on your beautiful clothes, O holy city of Jerusalem,     for unclean and godless people will enter your gates no longer. Rise from the dust, O Jerusalem.     Sit in a place of honor. Remove the chains of slavery from your neck,

How beautiful on the mountains     are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the good news of peace and salvation,     the news that the God of Israel reigns! The watchmen shout and sing with joy,     for before their very eyes     they see the Lord returning to Jerusalem. Let the ruins of Jerusalem break into joyful song,     for the Lord has comforted his people.     He has redeemed Jerusalem. The Lord has demonstrated his holy power     before the eyes of all the nations. All the ends of the earth will see     the victory of our God.

Get out! Get out and leave your captivity,     where everything you touch is unclean. Get out of there and purify yourselves,     you who carry home the sacred objects of the Lord. You will not leave in a hurry,     running for your lives. For the Lord will go ahead of you;     yes, the God of Israel will protect you from behind.    God showed me that I need to wake up. clothe myself with strength, rise from the dust, sit my butt down in a place of honour, and REMOVE THE CHAINS OF SLAVERY FROM MY NECK.    We are to rejoice in the freedom and victory we have in Christ. He has redeemed us, comforted us, and brought good news of peace and salvation.    We are instructed to leave our captivity, but not to the point where we're running for our lives...BECAUSE...God has gone before us and He is protecting us from behind.     So that to me says, all we have to do is walk away. We don't have to run and hide, or constantly flee from sin, but simply put down those chains and choose to walk away.     Easier said than done I know. God spoke to me a sentence after this..."Freedom is not necessarily a feeling, it's a fact."

Fact- n, a thing that is indisputably the case. reality, actuality, certainty    We have to stop basing our foundation with God simply off of feelings. Take a court case for example, if all I had was my gut feeling that my defendant is not guilt, how would my case hold up in court? The prosecutor would destroy me with evidence, and with facts.    Spiritual warfare is the same thing. If I go off of gut feelings, what happens the time I don't feel free? How will I defend myself against the enemy. We've got to have the facts, and our facts are scriptures and our faith. They're God's promises and if we hold them, and believe them, we will win the battle. Or court case if you will. We fight our enemy with our God's word.

   This week has been a roller coaster; I've really taken my focus off of God, searching for things to fill the 'void'. It's so funny how a good day can be offset by something so small...IF YOU LET IT.     There are situations in my life that are a little tough, and it's hard to keep eyes pointed up when so many things are pulling you down. I've got to persevere, there are so many things that I am blessed with on the daily. For example, a fellow first year offered to fix my shattered phone screen for me, which I was originally told is over 150$ to fix.    He bought the screen for me, and spent a few hours working on it, I was blessed by my phone bill being paid and my gas for the week. I was blessed to be able to sit down and talk with my Women's Director. I was blessed by being around my peers who are constantly lifting me up. I am blessed, man...     I'm working on my grateful heart, it's hard when the world is so dark but we HAVE to remember what God has promised us. We have to reach out when we are falling. He's what keeps us strong, it's what keeps our faith in the Lord. He's there, even if we can't feel Him right now, or hear Him, or see Him. He is there. Waiting.    We had a pretty cool session on Friday, I was able to get free from a lot of stuff, including my perspective. I was led to a couple scriptures in my bible.

The spirit of the Lord God is upon me,   because the Lord has anointed me....    ...I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,     my whole being shall exult in my God;      for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation,       he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,        as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,         and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.          For as the earth brings forth its shoots,           and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring up,            so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise             to spring up before all the nations. -Isaiah 61:1, 10-11   

   ...because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. -Romans 8:2

   Pride can be powerful, and that's not a good thing at all. It hinders you relationship with God, and is often sneaky, and really hard to see.    I never thought I was prideful, and then God hit me with a wake up call. I was too prideful to get on my knees, I was even too prideful to say that I loved God. Man...that's pretty crazy to type out. Often times I hear God and fight it. I argue with almost everything that comes out of His mouth. Most people beg to hear God and here I am flagrantly ignoring Him! 

   God has blown me away this week, and I had the audacity to pout. Literally he has done nothing but bless me and it took a meeting with Pastor John for it to finally sink in. Let's catch up on what's been happening.    

   So last week God brought to my attention some things I needed to work on, he postponed my freedom session a week and told me to really focus on my problem areas. One of which being not asking for help, before I fall. Accountability is something I've struggled with, not keeping others accountable but reaching out when I need it most. I tend to think my problems are not as important as others. 

   Well I found accountability in a few people, and when the time came I was tempted. For the first time, I reached out and called my friend Shummy, and let me tell you it was a grave mistake. Just kidding. It was actually the best decision I could have ever made. I posted on an app for the first year girls, telling them I wanted to quit the program and to pray for me. Shummy forced herself over, giving me literally NO say so. Oh and she brought our friend Carly over, again didn't give me a choice, just barged right in. 

   It was so fantastic though, I have never had something so great happen to me in my life. They took me to Taco Bell, out to a park, then prayed and worshipped with me. We had Creative Encouragement the next morning and it meant so much that they both came over at 9pm and stayed up with me til 3am. We had three hours of sleep, and then had to pull weeds for an hour and a half. If that isn't true friendship, I don't know what is.     Phone calls and texts poured in that whole night, my first year family reached out to me. God's love yet again hitting me over the head. I had a meditation session on Monday and God hit me with tons of different verses, proclaiming victory, grace, love, and goodness in my life.  Zephaniah 3:17 says, The Lord your God is with you,     the Mighty Warrior who saves.       He will take great delight in you;          in his love he will no longer rebuke you,            but will rejoice over you with singing.”

   I have a love in Jesus, I have a complete victory over the enemy and this life. I need to rejoice, to delight. I, like Him, am a mighty warrior, because he is with me, and has saved me. I was shown that victory yesterday, as my women's director, a LOT of girls, and Jarod circled around me and prayed for me. 

   I was crunk off the Holy Spirit, let me tell you, I couldn't even walk straight. That night I lost sight, I lost the feelings of joy. I lost sight on the Lord and focused on the problems in my life.

   Carly said something to me that has stuck with me all week. That she has never met a person that has more prayers answered than me. Wow...that's a pretty bold statement. The fact of the matter is God blesses me ALL of the time, from someone who's overcome drug addiction, depression, anxiety, suicide attempts, self harm, eating disorders, abuse and let's not forget HELL, I am nowhere near as grateful as I should be. 

   God is restoring me and has restored me, I see little miracles in my life constantly. From my car starting, to someone's encouraging words, to my homesponsor packing my lunch, I am being touched by the Lord day by day. The Holy Spirit chooses to talk to me frequently, I GET to be a child of an almighty King who has overcome death, so why am I not acting like it? Why am I not filled with a constant joy and state of overwhelming contentment?