#firemeplease

On Tumblr while at work YOLO.

I just spent like 10 minutes trying to figure out how best to phrase what I’m feeling right now and I realized it can be summed up in three words. 

I told y'all about this a while back, this is what I have so far. I've worked at a Subway sandwich shop since April of 2011. I put in a two weeks notice in November of 2012. After some discussion, the manager convinced me to stay on the pay roll, and he would only call me if they were in a bind. After a few months of this, I got curious what it would take to get fired. Nothing dramatic, just slowly pushing the envelope to see how much of my antics they would tolerate. The following list are things I have done, and have been told I'm no longer allowed to do while on the clock. It's kinda of short, but I'm slowly running out if antics that aren't outrageous. 1. Speak with an accent. 2. Sell coworkers to the highest bidder. 3. Exit the building via the drive thru window. 4. Enter the building via the drive thru window. 5. Have a coworker record me exiting the building via the drive thru window. 6. Show said video to the manager for laughs. 7. Lock the doors during business hours. 8. Turn off the automatic doors 9. Place "use first" stickers on female coworkers. 10. Place any kind of sticker on the customers. 11. Convince new employees that I am part of upper management. 12. Tell people that I sleep in a hammock that I keep in the freezer, even if it may or may not be true. 13. Talk to the sandwiches more sweetly than I talk to the customers. 14. Lecture customers about how American cheese is technically not real cheese. 15. Explain the science of how microwaves work. 16. Receive customer aid in plots of mischief against my coworkers 17. Wear the manager's name tag without his permission. 18. Give an obviously fake name when answering the phone or the drive thru. 19. Use the subway oven to cook food purchased at Walmart 20. Use Texas' "possession is 9/10 of the law" clause to claim that I own the store, regardless of how many hours I have worked that week. 21. Hide unused gift cards throughout the store to see if certain areas are being cleaned regularly. 22. Use military time on food prep. This is subway. Not everyone here can read it. 23. Sing German drinking songs while making sandwiches. 24. Attempt to make customers have an existential break down. 25. Direct customers to my legal council when ever they ask a question about a sandwich. 26. Wear a name tag with no name on it. 27. Harass coworkers by placing obviously fake orders in the drive thru. 28. Harass coworkers by acting like a bad customer in the drive thru. 29. Place fake orders via call in orders. 29.5 Act like I'm a bus driver bring in a bus load of kids, and give the store the curtesy of "calling ahead". Apparently saying that two buses are coming in is frowned upon if only two people are working at the time. 30. Switch name tags with other employees to see if anyone is paying attention. 31. Sing pirate shanties while cleaning the store. Encouraging the rest of my "crew" to join in is also viewed as unprofessional. 32. Tell customers that subway's "new" sandwich isn't really new, and that it was temporarily discontinued because it taste awful. 33. Build an air cannon. Apparently it is a waste of our resources, and there is no need for one.