#finn sky

It’s been only a week since Finn awoke in this strange new place, to a crowd of strangers who expect him to be far more than he is. People keep insisting that Finn’s a hero, instead of just a guy who went back for his best friend, and managed to make it out alive.

It’s all too much. So Finn hides in his room, letting only Rey and Poe in.

Rey brings him food from the mess, and often sits with him in silence, giving him space to breathe and be. She seems to be able to sense his moods, and tells him terrible jokes when he looks sad. He appreciates her more than he’ll ever be able to say.

Poe gives Finn hugs when he needs them most. Then he pulls back, clapping Finn firmly on the shoulder, and says, “Buddy, you can always talk to me. You know that, right?”

Finn’s grateful for the offer, and he wants to talk to Poe. He does. He wants to say, I’m not who they think I am, and I don't know how to be. I’m not brave and heroic. I'm just the man who made it out alive. But saying that to a soldier feels selfish and childish. So Finn doesn’t say anything at all.

Three quick raps on the door rouse Finn from his thoughts. Thinking that it’s Rey, with breakfast, he calls, “It’s open.”

It’s not Rey who steps inside though; it’s Luke.

Finn’s already opening his mouth to make an excuse when Luke says simply, “Walk with me.” His face is open and his blue eyes are kind, and Finn finds himself saying, “Yes.”

*

Luke shows Finn the back tunnels of the base - the easiest way to avoid admiring crowds - and together they walk through the green patchy fields of D’Quar.

The sun isn’t up and they don’t talk, yet, so Finn can still hear the bullfrogs, winding down from their evening serenade, and nothing else but their footsteps in the brush. 

Luke leads him to a lake, its glassy surface reflecting the moon, and they stand together, looking out toward the coming dawn. Finn fidgets, tapping his fingers against his leg in a quick rhythm to distract himself from his anxiety. If he’s not yet ready to face the admiring hordes, he’s certainly not ready to face his famous father. 

Thankfully, Luke breaks the silence first. “I brought some bread and cheese, if you’d like to share breakfast?”

“Okay,” Finn says, taking a deep breath. Even these few words feel like such a risk, to this man he’s always admired, but never known. “Yeah, okay.”

They sit and share the food, making a few aborted attempts at small talk, until Finn finally blurts out, “How do you do it, Luke? How do you deal with all the attention? When all you want to do is be yourself?”

Luke chews meditatively, taking his time. 

“Once you’ve saved the galaxy, Finn, even on accident, they’ll look to you to be the hero, over and over again. What they don’t realize is that, at the time, you were just doing what needed to be done. You stepped up and played a role, and now that role is following you wherever you go. Is that what you mean?”

“Yeah,” Finn says, his shoulders finally relaxing as Luke speaks his burdens aloud. “Exactly that.”

Luke’s still staring at the lightening sky. He feels almost nostalgic when he says, “I still remember the way it felt to make that shot. The one that blew up the Death Star. I’m guessing you remember how it felt to stand up to Phasma, or to face down Kylo Ren?”

“I can’t stop remembering it,” Finn says, his voice raw and his eyes red rimmed. 

In that moment, Luke’s heart breaks for his son. “Over time the trauma will fade, and only the good will remain,” he says gently.

Finn scoffs, and Luke wishes, more than anything, that he could take away his son’s pain. But he knows that there’s only so much he can do. He can only offer support and love, and hope that Finn accepts it, even after all these years apart. 

Luke reaches a hand toward Finn’s shoulder and then stops, not yet sure if he’s allowed to comfort his son. Finn’s crying, soft tears falling into his lap. Then he looks up, meeting Luke’s eyes for the first time.

There is a moment between them, when no words will suffice. Because what did you say to your stolen son after all these years? And what did you say to your father, the hero, who you’ve always known of, but never known?

*

“I used to think about you, when I was younger,” Finn says at last. “I mean, I didn’t know then that you were - Well. Anyway. I used to think about you.

“I knew the legend of Luke Skywalker. We all did. The First Order talks about you like you’re a heretic who killed their former god, but I knew better. I knew in my heart, that a single man who took down an empire had to be not just a traitor, but a hero.”

“And you are,” Luke says simply.

“Not me,” Finn says, eyes going wide. “I mean you.”

“My point exactly,” Luke says, nodding with a sad little smile. “You're more heroic than you know. And you did it just by being yourself."

Finn shakes his head in disbelief, so Luke tries a different tactic. "The stories make heroism sound so glamorous, don't they? But you and I both know that in the moment, it’s nothing but panic, and apprehension, and, if you’re lucky, a single moment of peace brought to you by the living Force."

Finn nods, looking a little distant. “When Kylo threw Rey into that tree, I was sure she was dead, and I thought I had nothing left to lose. So when I picked up that saber, everything was clear, in that moment. I knew just what I had to do.”

“Me too,” Luke smiles. “First taking that shot, and later when I faced my father. It was like the Force itself took a deep breath, and then showed me the way.”

Finn’s eyes flick to Luke at the word “father,” but they both look quickly away.

Neither of them have acknowledged it yet, but they both know. Finn’s already being touted as “The son of the last Jedi." He’s already a campfire story and a drinking song. The halls are full of whispers of Finn Skywalker, the brave soldier who took down the First Order with nothing but a blaster and a handful of explosives.

As if reading his thoughts, Luke says, “They never tell the story right, do they? They never tell of the fear, and the hope, and the wild desperation. They never talk about that precise moment you know in your gut that you won’t make it, and that all you have left is what you can accomplish in the last few moments of your life.”

Finn gapes at him, shocked that the great Luke Skywalker would speak the fears that keep him up at night. “They don’t,” he acknowledges softly, a new hope beginning to bloom at the words. “They don’t acknowledge it. They don’t…they don’t get it, Luke. And I feel like I’m drowning in their expectations. Their praise.”

Luke laughs, and it’s a fond sound, as if time truly has worn away the worst parts of memory, leaving only scraps of joy to be found. “I know that it’s overwhelming, Finn. But I want you to know that you can’t make decisions based on what they expect you to do. You can only decide based on what’s in your heart.

"You know the right thing to do. You always have. I -“ Luke voice wavers, breaks. “I’m so sorry that you were ever on Starkiller in the first place. But I’m so thankful that you made it out. And all on your own, no less.”

“I wasn’t on my own!” Finn exclaims, exasperated. “That’s my whole point! I was never alone, any step of the way. First I had Poe, then I had Rey, and BB-8, and Han, and then -“

Luke rests a gentle hand on Finn’s forearm and Finn looks up into crinkled blue eyes, so like the eyes he remembers from his dreams. “My point exactly, Finn. You weren’t alone then, and you aren’t alone now. Poe and Rey are still here, and both quite smitten with you, if you don’t mind me saying.” 

Luke’s voice wavers again. “My greatest regret is that you had to grow up alone in that awful place. But Finn, you need to know that you’re not alone anymore. There are people here that love you, and we'll stay by your side as long as you’ll let us.”

“Us?” Finn asks, guarded hope in his eyes. “You mean you, as well?”

“Of course,” Luke says at once. How could his son ever think otherwise? “I’ll be here for you, whenever you need. Just say the word.”

Finn and Luke fall silent then, staring out at the sunrise. Neither of them can yet say “Father” or “Son;” The words are too foreign on their tongues. But in this moment, side by side, they’ve taken the first step toward forging that bond.

*