#findingmanda

If you go on social media these days whether it be the book of face, or the twit tweeter, and the insta-gramcracker, you'll see some type of "I nominate (insert name here), to the (insert challenge name).  The main ones that i see are the infamous ice bucket challenge, write 3-5 things that you are thankful for, for five days, name 3-5 positive things that happened, for 5 days, etc. I myself was nominated for both ice bucket challenge (completed and donated) and then write what i was thankful for (I only got to three days).  With all of these challenges going about, I know that it can seem annoying because your stalker feed is just non-stop about the above said topics. But in the end, I think that these challenges give people that time to reflect on their days, and even when their days are the worst day ever, they sit and go actually 5 great things happened, or I am still thankful that i have these things in my life. Almost like because you are posting something to social media, you sit and find the light at the end of the dark tunnel.  Though, this post isn't about those challenges, its about the one thing that really caught my eye and this was the 100 days of happy challenge. Simply stated, you post pictures everyday for 100 days of things that make you happy and hashtag it with #100days.  Now my friends and sorority sisters have participated in this challenge and so normally I checked it out,  Now before I pledged my commitment of posting 100 days of boring happiness pictures on the instagram, I decided to make a list in my head. "i could post about my dog, family, friends individually, and the cliche boyfriend photo, and coffee the nectar of the gods, etc. But when I was done, i was only up to 20 days, and i realized "Shit Amanda you have 80 days to go" So I began to start thinking about my life, and actually reflecting on it.  I drank my tea, and began to look out my window all hipster and emo like, and then it hit me. I have changed, and yes some for the good but i feel like i lost a certain part of me. When I was younger, I used to be this wide eyed girl, that always shot for the moon and had this if I missed at least i was heading for the stars attitude, Sadly then I graduated college, and go thrown right into the "Real-world" and now i sit here at the age of 25, a little less wide eyed, and a lot less over-the-top-happy self. I feel like I have become hardened, frustrated with things i can't change, and very over the fact of being stuck. I get the saying of "give me strength for the things I can't change" but the things that i CANNOT change are the things that make me sad the most. I can't make my friends move closer, and I can't move to them (I have no money), and i can't make my student loans disappear (i am a teacher I will be in school forever), and i can't magically make my job pay me more money (Don't we all wish that).  i guess you could honestly say I am a 25 year old female going through a quarter-life crisis, struggling with the transition from kid to adult, and all trying to get my life in order. Now am i saying that I am not happy? No! because I am, and I am not saying that I am negative, because I am a positive person. i actually get the saying of "You are too nice, and too happy in the morning." And YES I know that I NOT alone with these feeling? Because I know that there are more than 100 25 year olds that feel the same way I feel. What I am saying, is that even though I like the person that I am now, I think that I could use a life make-over. (Okay Amanda enough with this babble). All of these things really got me thinking, and I guess I came up with my own challenge...a journey almost.  The journey to get my groove back, a challenge to find the girl that was once wide-eyed, and bring her back out of hiding. So i set fourth on my challenge, and if its done in a week great, 30 days, 365 days, so its going to take that long. The main thing is that I am doing it. No stopping after just a week, but to keep trying. Will it be hard? yes, Will i have my bad days and good days? Of course! But what I need to do, is stop getting in my own way, and just finding what really makes me happy, and allow for the things that make me sad and or angry to go away, and as TSWIFT would say "Shake it off" So to start off on a happier note, even though my friends are far, it makes me cherish my time more with them when I get my time with them. Even though I have student loans, at least I graduated college and have a degree. Though my job isn't much for pay, i am doing what I love, and at least I have a job in this utter crazy economy.  End crazy stupid babble.