#findinginnerstrength

I am continually blown away by people. I used to be upset so easily when people were cruel. Now I look at each time as an opportunity to learn and grow. I had an experience yesterday at my daughters gymnastics gym and it inspired me to share just a small part of my story, my journey. There is so much more to it and I will continually share more as time goes on. I feel like God touched me yesterday to share what I did to help other women in similar situations.

Lord knows that happened. I got quite a few private messages today from women telling me some of their story. That they had been through it in the past but didn't have the courage to speak up about it. Or some who are still going through it. I am asking anyone to please share that post, spread it so maybe it can help more women and inspire them to leave the toxic situation they are currently in. My heart breaks to hear that so many women live in shame and fear still. That they have experienced the same feelings of shame and embarrassment because of their spouse that decided it was okay to put their hands on them. Someone said me tonight, he doesn't hit me that much anymore, its mainly just mental now. NO!

NO! NO! NO! NO! He shouldn't be hitting you AT ALL! He shouldn't be placing his hands on you in any way that you don’t ask him to. He should be showing you love and affection. Kindness and admiration. He shouldn’t be mentally abusing you now either. To me, honestly that is the worst. This may sound bad but I would have rather had a beating every day then to have had to endure the mental and emotional abuse I had to from my ex. Those wounds hurt the most. They replay in your head over and over and over. The lies of love battle with the insults. How can he love me so much and think I am so beautiful, yet think I am fat and disgusting? How can he find me so sexy and attractive and be disgusted by me at the same time? How can he love me and be with someone else? none of it makes sense! One thing I learned is that it won’t!

He was not telling the truth. He was lying and manipulating me constantly. To get what he wanted from me, he knew exactly how to play me. He knew I wanted nothing more then our little family. A life with our daughter and him. I never got it and I never will, not with him at least. I do believe that  God has someone out there to complete my little family with my daughter. Maybe even add to it, who knows. I can only focus on today, one day at a time. I have to get through today’s struggles to get tomorrows blessings. Each day has its high and low. Its pit and peak. We should all learn to find the pit and the peak each day. Get a journal and write it down. One thing that made you sad and one thing that brought you joy. You can do more but at least one every day. Then you can compare and see that those bad things werent really that bad and you survived them. Some days your pits might be worse they others but you will go to sleep and wake up with a blank sheet of paper to add a new peak to. 

As women we are so strong, we are powerful. We make life. We carry children inside of us and bring them into the world. For most of us, those 9 months of pregnancy we do everything we can to nuture that baby inside of us and make sure that baby is safe and taken care of until they are born. oh and hello moms, we know thats no the end either. It never stops. From the moment you find out you are pregnant your world changes and its no longer about you, its about that baby. These are things that we need to take into consideration when we are speaking to each other. We need to lift each other up, not tear each other down. Who cares what kind of car you drive or your kids batting average? How about how awesome your kid is? how funny they are? how fun they are? those silly moments where they randomly bust out in curse words and you want to laugh but want to teach them right? Happened to me today! I wanted to share it but I didn’t. It was fear of being judged that held me back. Why do we strive to be perfect mothers on social media when we ALL know its not real! My kid poops just like yours does! Your kid DOES curse just like mine!

We have the world against us, men hurting us, targeting us and tearing us down. We dont need to help them. We need to fight them. Stand up and Say NO! No more! I am here for anyone that needs to talk and I am going to do my hardest to continue to share my thoughts and my story and hopefully inspiration to anyone that wants to read it. Hopefully it helps others that are struggling. If it helps just one person then its worth it! 

I am a rambler, I go off on tangents and get shiny balled often. I do not type properly, I have spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes. If that is going to be a problem this might not be the blog for you. Those are the least of my worries. Right now I have a 3 year old wide awake chasing dogs around and dogs hiding under my feet to get away from her. The struggle is real! I also, plan on ending every post with a bible verse and talking about God as much as I can. I am speaking of  a Christian God. If that is a problem this blog is not for you. I am not AA or NA, I am not talking about a higher power of your choosing. I am talking about GOD Almighty. The alpha and omega. The king of Kings and the Lord of Lords! 

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.