#finding healing

Close your eyes and feel. Feel every ounce of regret, remorse. Feel every word that slipped from your lips. Feel every action you should, or shouldn’t have made. Feel every unspoken sentence, every fear and doubt and hesitation that caused you to be too late. Feel every mistake, every mess-up, every moment where you should have, could have, and didn’t. Feel it all and let it break you. Let it tear you down. Let it tire you until your bones ache. Then let it go.

the flowers that once were in blooming have long since wilted away, and it’s time for me to stop watering a dead flower; It’s time for me to wake up, because the dream I had is over.

I hope you stop listening to the voices of the world—the voices that tell you you’re supposed to act or look or be a certain way. I hope you stop thinking there’s some level you’re supposed to measure up to, some bar you’re supposed to reach. I hope you stop feeling like you’re less, like you’re not good enough, like you’re unworthy or unlovable or too far gone to experience real love and joy. I hope you turn away from anyone who doesn’t make you feel whole, from anyone who treats you with less respect than you deserve, from anyone who breaks you, rather than builds. I hope you run from hands that inflict pain, from words that shatter your soul. I hope, instead, you fill yourself with light, become light, create light. I hope you love yourself with such passion and fierceness, the people around you have no choice but to match.

I’ve decided to accept that maybe everything does happen for a reason, even losing you. I’ve decided to accept that closed doors lead to open ones. That pain creates purpose. That falling down gives me the strength to rise again. That the moments where I feel the most broken will show me the power in myself, in my faith that I didn’t know I had until I reached that lowest point.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry for getting it wrong more than I get it right, I’m sorry for saying things I don’t mean, and feeling things I don’t say. I’m sorry for my absence, how I said I’d be there but was never around. I’m sorry for my fear of getting hurt ended up hurting you. For my fear of disappointment that left you disappointed anyways. I’m sorry that I’m not the same. I’m sorry that we’re not the same, we grew apart and I’ve forgotten who we used to be. I’ve forgotten how it used to feel. I’m sorry, for all the things I promised but never kept, I tried my best, but it never seemed to be enough. I’m too much.. I am not enough I’m sorry for it all. I’m sorry for believing that I’m better off alone. I never wanted to hurt you, I’m sorry for the selfish person I’ve become, trying to protect my heart. I’m sorry for pushing you away when you needed me to stay. No ones ever asked me to stay. I’m sorry for everything we went through, and everything I put you through to get to me. I’m sorry for not being what you wanted, I wanted to be enough. I’m sorry for the tears I cried alone, the scars found a way to heal on its own, and so will I. I’m sorry for everything I did and couldn’t do. I gave it everything but maybe we just weren’t meant to be. and maybe all I’ll ever have is an apology for everything we weren’t. and for that, I’m sorry..