#finding a partner

Searching for a partner often feels like navigating uncharted waters—hopeful, intimidating, and sometimes exhausting. In Finding a Partner: And It May Be You, Jo Ann Lordahl reminds us that love starts with the relationship we build with ourselves. One of her first lessons is simple but powerful: don’t give up. Even if rejection stings or past relationships ended badly, every experience carries…

When you have mental health and or any other disability (as I have) , that may negatively impact a relationship, I always honor my potential partner by sharing it early.

That gives him an opportunity to accept or decline me.

My fireman was repelled when I shared my story 👨‍🚒 . I tried to touch him afterwards, and he slightly moved away

I was not hurt .

I just gently kissed him on the forehead , told him I was tired , and promised to see him later .

Never break up with a man alone in your home.

I did not. 😑

Months later my German came into my life.🙋🏼‍♂️

To be fair , at the time I was on Instagram and he apparently was following me there .

I saw old pics of me in his phone

(I no longer have Instagram, etc . Too much male attention that was negatively impacting my relationships)

The point is he understood a little of my background, however I told him everything .

He said —too personal —and hugged me …

He in turn shared HIS secrets with me

👀

I listened . Afterwards he held my hand and said I was the person he would

—-Too personal —-

We hugged and I said yes

We have been in a committed relationship since and are currently engaged 💍

My point is ; more than attractiveness and money (for me), I feel that it is important to have a man that is a leader and a protector that CARES and LISTEN 👂

There are alot of thoughts in my head 😢

This will be the man that shows up daily for me .

In turn I will do the same for him , and give to him the honor , respect, and submission he deserves as my leader.🙏🏽

Also , NEVER remind your partner of his weakness, secrets , or ANYTHING he has shared with you in confidence.

Never tear your partner down , engage in personal attacks , or speak negatively of him.

Esp , when you are angry.

Keep it classy .

If I am upset , I am usually silent until I can communicate my feelings calmly.

Remember;

You are your partners safe place , as he is yours.

Whatever my German told me …Ngl; I still think about it from time to time , but I carefully return it to the back of my mind

(tbh ; sometimes it is a comfort knowing that ) ,

and move on loving him ❤️🌸

I think even as children , we are who we are . Just as gay people know they are that , I knew I was very feminine.

I loved dresses and being soft , which is why daddies and very masculine men have always been attractive to me.

I like men who stand on business and gets things done .

My mother was also a model for me . She loved my dad very much . They would have their time together in which my mother would bath his feet and wash his hair

She loved his red hair .

They would often go riding together . It was just their time .

I like to spoil my partner in that manner as well .

However , in order to do that I must feel safe , protected, and well cared for

Idc , how much I am attracted to someone, if those needs are not met I lose interest

Often we spend to much time on people , who are wonderful, but just not a compliment to ourselves .

If maybe you are an assertive woman , exuding masculine energy , your compliment may be a man who allows you to lead

Personally, I like to stay in my peaceful beautiful bubble . On Tumblr I exert masculine energy, bc I have thoughts I need to share , but when I log off , I return to myself ,

Which is feminine energy

Personally, I feel that if your partner is stressing you out or not providing what you need , perhaps this is why you are displaying masculine energy

Bc essentially you are taking care of yourself .

If that is not your personality to do so , that relationship is not right for you

I would try again

Admittedly, I want to be in the passenger seat of the truck with my feet out the window , enjoying my life , allowing my partner to worry and figure things out for us .

It makes my life happier .

Dear Friend

I logged on to write a response to your dm

I am going to be harsh , but that is ok, I blocked hundreds more bloggers recently

So I can be honest

We live in a world that values youth

Period .

It is more beneficial to be a average looking younger woman (under 30) with no children

Than a beautiful woman with children

Children lessen your value as a woman

Those are facts

You are 24 . Unfortunately, you have the youth , but not the brains

So let me help you dear friend

There is NO way I would waste my youth on a graying , beer belly , middle age “daddy”

Unfortunately, you are not a college graduate , and that lessens your opportunity to meet the best guys

Young handsome guys that are YOUR age , and who will have great earning potential when they graduate from college

Personally, I would enroll in college and find a cute guy with a career

Many girls do that

From what you said ; you and your daddy work , but he wishes for you to shoulder all of the home duties

Firstly , that is bullshit

He can not expect you to be a whole woman , when he is half a man

Meaning you are doing more in the relationship than he is

I feel that he is giving you to much trouble to be a middle age , out of shape , man that has kids (no money )

Choose a struggle already

I dislike scrap meat guys

Tbc ; my ex daddy was older (but toned). He also had a business and did not have children

If the combination were to have been different than that , we would not have worked out

I do not date unsuccessful or men with children

It is a personal choice

Dear friend you

are young enough to have the life you want

Unfortunately, college educated guys do not marry non college educated girls as much

Most partners find their mates in college

This is where I met my German

I suggest doing what I said , go to college , and find a nice cute young guy your age . He will also not have children

and marry him

Leave your daddy for an older woman

She will appreciate and tolerate his bull shit more , bc she had less to offer in herself, besides her 🐈‍⬛

I have learned in life , it is better to strategize and plan out your life , than to half ass it and fail .

Hello Dear Friend.

I saw your dm.

Well, I did not grow up poor , so money is not the primary attribute that is important to me that a man should have

For sure , if it is for you , than seek that

I feel however ,speaking in generalities , that you should find someone who will love you on your bad days . Theoretically, men say they will , but most fail .

Find a man that does not .

Also , things most girls do not feel is important, but actually is, is a man who is handy .

Meaning knows how to fix things ; change a tire, repair a leaky sink ,

and knows how to apply that white stuff between tiles and wood trim that makes old things look new (a huge deal for me , I live in a big city, my apartment has a beautiful exterior, and is in a “nice” neighborhood, but is just an expensive older crappy building, imo ). That white stuff helps .

I saw this girl on FB and she showed a pic of her wall of bookcases that her dad did something to make them look like custom built ins . He even installed lights that gave the books a museum quality

Yes please .

I would fuck and marry that older guy in a New York minute .

The point is , if he can love you on your bad days and fix things , he is a winner

No one tells you this dear friend , but most men are unkempt and unruly in the beginning.

You have to clean them up , make the barbershop his best friend, and teach him appropriate manners .