#finally updating

Part 11 of What Once Was is in editing stage... Took a while to get here but better late than never.

A small thank you for reaching 500 followers at the end of October, I love you all. I’ll be posting the new chapter sometime tomorrow. For now, take a chance to admire this amazing edit from @/chqrliebarber on twitter (who gave me permission to use on this fic) 

If you need something to read in the meantime, check out my two other completed fics here - https://archiveofourown.org/users/writermads

(Edit) here its the link to Chapter Sixteen:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24000991/chapters/87478219

Nothing, he's just thinking

Ummm it’s been a minute, but I’m happy to say I ~FINALLY~ finished the next chapter.  Yes, I know it’s been way too long since I last wrote, so I apologize if this chapter is a bit iffy, it is just a filler chapter, but we’re getting ready to get to the heart of the story.  I really hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think!!

Finding Hope

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss

Summary: Now that the team knows their secret, will it be smooth sailing, or will something come up along the way to break their hearts?

Read over on ao3 or ff.net

*Yes this is a sequel to another work (The Secret Union), you can read that also on ao3 or ff.net*

The Secret Union

If you are not already on my Hunters tag list or Series Sweethearts for this but would like to be, send me an ask and I’ll add you ❤️

Alright, I've finally gotten myself together enough to get the chapter done. Being sick for 10 days really does a number on, well, everything. It'll post this coming Saturday. Here's 30's teaser:

“Then you don’t have to be giving me things either. You are more than enough too.”

The space between his brows crinkled. “In some universe in another space and time, maybe.”

Sometimes she wanted to see if she could shake some sense into him. “Draco.”

"You want to know what I looked forward to? When I was a boy, my father called me to his study one day and told me the story of how he courted my mother despite the fact that he knew they were mates. He explained to me, in great detail, how he wooed her, despite how it was unnecessary. Because she was worth it. He planned each and every date, gift, and outing because he wanted to prove to her that she was more to him than simply a biological and spiritual attachment.” He cupped her face in his hands. “And you are worth more than that to me, too. I want to woo you because you...you’re everything to me. The most precious gift in all of creation, and you’ve already given it to me on a silver platter. Let it never be said that I don’t revere the bounty that is your heart."

A/N: Thank you for waiting so long for this chapter. There were so many choices that had to be made as to where I wanted to take this. I decided (with the help of my best friend who is so done with this story that it’s not even funny) that this was the most honest option. Let me know what you think! Also all songs referenced are linked via their names/first reference if unnamed.

Series Summary: After your accident, everything in your life changed. Your shared dream of being on Broadway with your best friend, Amanda, was over. But just because YOU don’t think you want the same things in life doesn’t mean that your friend won’t see through you. Taking matters into her own hands, you end up at an audition you’re sure that you’ll fail since SHIELD Theater Company is known the world over for typecasting. And you don’t fit any of your typical actress types. Little do you know that the company’s new writer - nihilistic, pessimistic, and resident drunk; Bucky Barnes- is looking for someone out of their normal choices.

Series Warnings: Guys, this is based on my own experiences within the Acting community after gaining weight and height after an accident. There will be fat-shaming, mentions of eating disorders, unhealthy expectations, unhealthy coping mechanisms, also like bias based on looks.

Chapter 1 | Previous Chapter | Masterlist

Warnings for this chapter include but are not limited to: Swearing, Angst, eating disorder (if you squint), unrealistic audition process (because I can), PTSD dreams, Anxiety attack, Hurt/Comfort, dance injury descriptions, Amanda almost getting her face punched.

Word Count: 2,336

The familiar feel of gathered tulle whispered around your legs as you float across the stage. Your feet burn with the tiny movements that pushed you across the stage. The choreography was new, but you already knew it by heart. After all, you have been dreaming of playing this role ever since you had seen the show all those years ago. The steps sped, and as you approached the leap of faith, That leap would pull on the fly lines. You knew something was wrong. There was the slightest of whirrs from the top left pulley, pulling you up short.

"Why did you stop? You have the fly lines on, It's step, turn, turn, and leap." Your director yelled from the darkened house.

"There is something wrong with the left pulley." You say back. "It's making a funny noise."

"That's just the way of pulleys, Y/N. Let's run it from the top of the number, this time with the fly."

"I really don't think so," you mutter as you take your place in the side wings. Amanda meets you there. She hands you a water bottle, which you sip from as the interlude plays.

"You can do it. Trust yourself, Y/N."

"I trust myself just fine. The person I don't trust is the rigging guy who is currently snogging his girlfriend instead of paying attention to his job."

"It's going to be fine, Y/N." She says, rolling her eyes and pushing you towards the stage for your cue.

As the dance progresses, you stop focusing on the steps and just feel the movement. You really were the fairy: light, agile, and completely ethereal. You take the two turns perfectly and leap off the stage and into the audience. You feel yourself relax as you swing above the seats, being lifted higher until you were suspended in the center of the stage. You continued to dance, then something went wrong, there was a hard yank from that left pulley. It unbalanced you, pulling taut as the secondary line went slack. As more of your weight was given to it, a loud grinding and a high-pitched ping echoed over the sounds of the music as you fell to the stage floor. Before anyone can do anything, you fall.

Your jolt out of your sleep suddenly, an invisible weight pressing on your chest. Your heartbeat is blaring in your ears as you fight to breathe. Shivers raking up and down your body. Unable to move even the tips of your fingers as tears blur your perception of your dim room. After what seems to be hours of laying there suffocating, your breathing turns into sobs. You are finally able to move, though, as you roll onto your side, trying to curl into the fetal position, a scream echos into the silence. Your busted up leg sends phantom pains through you, cramping and pulling with unnatural tension. It was a charlie horse from hell, and you rationally knew that most of it was fake.

Amanda runs in a few seconds later with a pink aluminum baseball bat, looking around for the disturbance, when she finds none she turns to you. "Y/N, what is it?"

You just stared at her, unable to move as phantom pain shot up and down your leg. Memories of blood and bone hide behind your eyelids, torturing you with every blink.

She stares at you for a few minutes before slowly setting the bat down. and coming to hold you. "It was the dream again, wasn't it." She cradles your head, maneuvering you as carefully as she can into her arms. "Hush now, it's okay. We are here, that is the past. You don't ever have to fly again. Rehearsals will all be on the ground for your new show. All you have to do is a little choralography. It will be fine. You won't get hurt."

Her reassuring calm, paired with her arms stroking up and down your back, are a balm to your terrified mind. Your sobs ebb. Taking a few deep breaths, you sit yourself up, pulling away from her, immediately feeling guilty for waking her this early. "thank you, 'Manda. It really means a lot."

"It's the least I can do when my best friend is struggling. Now, why don't you take a nice hot shower? I'll get breakfast started, and then we can head over to Rijah's before your audition today."

"Sure," you say noncommittally, you didn't really feel like eating, but you knew it would make her feel better to see you fed before she sends you to the sharks again. "Would you like to play live-action barbie today? I mean, you did say that today's audition would be special," you ask her on her way to the kitchen.

"I think you should wear that cute new swing dress—the one with the pink halter and the black skirt. Go light on the make-up. Doe eyes," she called from the kitchen.

"Okay. Are we going to be meeting with our agent today or is this another one of those, he gave you a list and expects us both to be there sort of deal?" You ask, wincing as you try to distract yourself from the pain as you rub the cramps out of your leg.

"Well, it's kinda just one audition today. I know you don't want to go back, but I was promised by Steve that if you show up, they will listen to you--"

At that, you were up and in the kitchen. Staring your friend down in your scanty sleepwear. "Please don't tell me that I'm auditioning for Stark's Theater again. I mean, he already kicked me to the curb once. What makes you think that he won't show up just to kick me out again?" You sneer, half-naked, and ready to punch her in her too pretty face.

"It's not Stark's theater troupe anymore, he has taken a back seat this year, leaving Miss Potts to handle more of it while he moves into the movie industry. You will be fine. Like I said, Steve has been nagging me all year for your contact details so he could offer you a personal invitation. I told him that you would go if you wanted. I mean, I'm still going to make you go with me to the building. Remember, you promised that after last year, you wouldn't pass up a chance to sing for anyone. Not anymore. Especially with your boss being as chill as he is."

The fight drains from your shoulders as she uses your own words against you. You are still annoyed that she is taking you to an audition for SHIELD, again, though. Stomping back to your bathroom, you slam the door. "Why do my friends always take me at my word?" you ask yourself as you hang your head over the sink basin. Taking a few more deep breaths, you push down your new-formed audition anxiety.

Fixing yourself up and packing a set of exercise clothes for your rehearsal later, as well as your repertoire binder, resume, and pair of ballet slippers. It hadn't taken long to get into something after reapplying yourself. Even though the show you were in at the moment was a two-day ballet in the park for little kids. But it was something, and it paid enough to put it on your resume.

You hurried in the shower, letting the steam take away more of the tension from your body as you scrubbed yourself. As the water starts running clear of bubbles, you close your eyes, envisioning an alternative ending to your dream. In your new version, Bucky, your unconventional knight in shining army, that handsome man who had come to your rescue all those months ago, comes and catches you before you are flown too high. He takes your hand, pulling you close, his breath whispering across your face as his blue-grey eyes stare into yours. He leans forward, your lips part… Amanda is shouting from the other side of the door that breakfast was ready before you finished the thought.

With a different kind of sigh, you pull yourself out of the cooling water, and back into real life.

Amanda and Elijah have once again outdone themselves with their song choice for you. You couldn't help but laugh as they put their top three options in front of you, Better from Little Women, If You Knew My Story from Bright Star, and I'm a Star from Smash.

"So what's the cut time Amanda?" you ask, paging through the three songs.

"They want the whole thing." Amanda and Elijah said in unison. Amanda looking at you with barely withheld excitement, and 'Rijah with his usual sophomanic way.

"They want the whole song? or they want all the different cuts prepared so they can choose?" You couldn't believe that they would want a whole three-minute song. That just seems overboard.

"The whole song. Steve asked for it personally. " She said, smiling, "This is going to be it, Y/N! This is going to be it! We are finally going to be in an acting company together! I can feel it! Now sing the songs. Let's see which one will fit best!"

Your heart beats fast in your chest. The whole song, they wanted the entire song. No one wants the complete song. Sometimes they don't even want the entire song at a callback. You couldn't help but stare openmouthed at your best friend. What exactly was going on today? You hadn't felt this many emotions in a single day since last year.

Before you can really contemplate which god had decided to smile in your direction, Elijah starts playing the introduction for the first few bars of Bright Star. Even then, Elijah has to repeat the intro twice before Amanda finally pinched you back into the moment. Immediately you jumped into it. Hazily stumbling through the first two measures before Elijah stopped playing.

He looked at you, annoyed. "Y/N, if you ain't gunna sing, don't pretend like it."

You shook yourself at the reprimand. "I'm sorry. If I get to sing a whole song, can we do something else? Better is an excellent power song, but it is very repetitive. I wanna give them a show. Something that will wow them. But I don't want to give off the vibe that I am still butt-hurt over last year. I want to show them I can take the initiative and work hard."

Elijah smirked, "Okay, what about weekly volcano press? It has some of the same stuff, and kinda rounds out what she did to improve. Also, you can play with all of your different character voices."

You give him a funny look, "What do you mean? And isn't that song like 8 minutes long?"

"You know what I mean. Don't act like I haven't been paying attention to you over the last three years! You sing with different timbres and weights for each character when you are helping Amanda with her practice. Sometimes I feel like I need to check and make sure you aren't switching out your vocal cords for every character."

"Elijah is right! Here! Sheetmusic! She places her tablet on the piano. And it can be a test on Steve's word. If they don't stop you, you know for sure that Steve will keep his words as a director."

You tilt your head back and forth, deliberating, "I don't really want to be petty Amanda."

"Y/N, when in all the years I have known you have you ever chosen not to be petty?" Amanda says, arms crossed over her chest, hip cocked.

"To you never, to everybody else, I try to be considerate more than petty," you meeting her attitude with sincerity.

"Suuure." Elijah and Amanda share an eyeroll.

"Whatever. If you really think that this song would be best, then I will take your advice. However, with my track record, it will end up blowing up in my face," you resign with a sigh looking over Elijah's shoulder as you scan through the score.

"Don't give me that Bullshit, Y/N/N. You will do fine. It's not like I haven't watched you play around with this song. You could probably do it in your sleep." Amanda gave you one of her signature I-know-you-know-you-can-do-this looks. Taking her phone out and pointing it at you. "Now, sing the damn song!"

With a sigh, you straighten back up. You knew they wouldn't let it go. "Fine, but if this becomes a repeat of last year. I will reevaluate our friendship status. Lead the way, Elijah."

Amanda hadn't been lying when she said that you had the song on lock. You breezed through the voice changes. Flipping octaves, effortlessly changing registers, and adapting tonalities. By the time the seven minutes were over, you were slightly winded. Your chest heaved lightly as you were filled with that after-performance high. You knew there were a few places that you hiccupped, but you had a good thirty minutes, and they were easy fixes.

Looking up at your small audience, you should have expected the smug smiles that spread on their faces. Amanda gave you a smirk. "Is there something you would like to tell me?"

"I don't want to tell you shit. But you were right. It is a fun song." You turn to an equally smug Elijah, "can we go over the troll verse again? I messed up the lyrics. And then I'd like to drill the last part where Clarisa comes back to face Braxton. Those quick transitions are a bit different than the Sutton Foster recording, and I don't want to be psyched out either way."

"Whatever I can do to help you," Elijah says, turning back to the piano.

"I'll go print the music for your rep binder." Amanda practically squealed, running out of the room, phone in hand.

You shake your head, refocusing on all of the things you needed to refine before this would work.

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