Never Give In
There is so much death in the world we live in, and even more pain… Life in general is a combination of waiting until the pain subsides and the darkness finally consumes us. If the end result is that darkness, why do we even fight it? Every fucking day is a struggle against the forces that pull, tear and shred at our soul. Pain is the force  consuming us on a regular basis that makes life so shitty. When your friends are gone and you're left alone, what truly matters? Does trying so fucking hard every damn day to be happy worth it? Well, whats the alternative I ask myself. Lying in a puddle of my own misery would be a lot more simple. The thing about misery though is the stain it leaves on your soul. It clouds your judgment, and makes you loose sight of the person who you truly want to be. Do I want to cloud my pain and pretend its not there, or should I do something about it? The longer you fester in the sorrow that is your existence, the deeper and deeper you become clouded. I could not be more miserable then I am right now, but i can still remember the times I was actually happy. Damn that seams like a long time ago, but If i was happy then does that mean i can go back? Or have I lost that feeling… Consuming the joy people brought me back in those sunshiny days is something I think about regularly, but these thoughts just bring me farther down. It makes me realize just how awful my situation is. Could I honestly bring myself from the depression that I have fallen into or is it to late for me? Its a question I tackle every day… I have always been an optimist, even so, those feeling’s of happiness I once experienced couldn’t be farther away. Occasionally I can bury the pain, especially in front of people, but sometimes I simply can’t. Why couldn’t there just be a magic door that i could walk through that brings me back to those blissful days? I realize thats just not how life works. Life is a bitch, a constant struggle between obligations and drama that just brings me to my knees. I am banking on the hope that one day that light will enter my life, but for now I am lost. The realization that I am going to a different state next year gives me hope. A different place a new start right? Wrong. If I cant deal with the emotions I am experiencing now, and try and bury them, they will pop up once again. I convince myself I can just shove this shit down, but the reality of the matter is that it never works. But fuckkk dealing with my feeling you know? Who can I trust enough to fully confide in? Can’t I just deal with this shit myself? They always tell me time heals all wounds… But I know different. I know the only way to break this pain is to share these emotions with someone. Sadly there is nobody that I can trust at this point in my life. If anyone can find that person, then good for them. It is something you cant force, it just has to come naturally. For my sake I hope I can find that person, because if not… nothing will ever get fixed. I hope everyone can experience happiness once again, seeing the pain I hold on to every day in other’s faces makes me realize I am not the only one fighting. Stay strong, dont you fucking dare give in, fuck pain, fuck sorrow, one day we will be happy again. Until that glorious day, we will fight…
