#fightingthebattle

FIGHTING THE BATTLE!!!!!

#breastcancerawareness #hope #courage #strength #fightingthebattle #icanandiwill https://www.instagram.com/p/B3IdvuPAwYf/?igshid=1s6991o1wlk75

Tears don’t mean you are losing.

Things are looking up. The medicine seems to be working very wel. I still feel a little lonely and I wish people would interact with me more. But it's a manageable feeling. Coping is the key. Being happy alone is key. I just need to keep breathing. My baby sister's birthday is this weekend. I bet she's super excited that I am coming. I miss that little girl.

I wish napping was actually helping me. I was so exhausted after Metalsmithing. But even after a nap my head hurts my muscles hurt and I still feel exhausted. My summer classes look to be intense. I am already doing reading and homework to go along with it. After seeing the therapist today I feel very hopeful. She's very nice and I feel like she understands me a lot more that I do. She was able to pick up on key things that run my life. She helped me realize that I don't have a consist support group. The people I trust the most are not near me and she thinks that is going to be a major issue as we progress. I thought going back to Denton would makes me feel less lonely. But I can't shake this feeling. Maybe it is because my love isn't around and I am not used to that. But I also live alone that also contributes to the loneliness.

I wait in the therapist's office. God I am so nervous. Idk how to even start a conversation with this person. Also feel very sick. I think the medicine is causing me to feel sick and give me a headache. Maybe I should have eaten more before I left. I won't have time to eat until I am done with classes. Ugh I hope I get out early. I hope this puts me in a better place. I want to love myself again and others to be able to love me back.

The day time I can usually get though without feeling very down or tired. But at night all I can think about is the loneliness. I talk to a close friend to help get me though the night. She's always so positive to me. She keeps telling me things are going to be ok and not to worry about things that are out of my control. It's been very helpful. Her words give the strength to get though the nights and sleep better.

This day last year was my last day of High School. I remember being so ready to go to College. Ready for my life to finally begin. Fast forward to now. I am packing to go back to college for summermester. I wish I could say I am still that optimistic girl ready to take on the world. But that girl is gone, left a shell and then that shell was shattered. Now I gotta rebuild. Picking up the pieces is hard. You get a lot of cuts along the way and even after you glue every piece together your still not the same. However, that's ok. Because I don't want to be that overly optimistic, easily swayed and overly affectionate girl I was. I am going to be better. I have to be. I have dreams and I have people who want to me see grow and succeed.