" i love you. i've been doing my best not to, but i do. i love you. " // @fidelityfcrged
He's reacted better to getting shot. It should say something about him, that he handles violence without flinching, but that kindness is what truly rattles him. Love. The fuck did he know of it? If anyone's directed that word at him before, it's been lost to memory. There's no place for it in this life he's fabricated, built off a foundation of hardship and bitter lies. In fact, he's done his utmost to make sure that this, right here? It would never happen. He wanted no part of love; he never had use for it.
The problem, obviously, was pretty simple: Cash had wanted her, and to hell with the consequences. This was the consequence. Her, looking at him like maybe he can understand, like he's about to take what she's offering -- something so goddamn delicate that he'd break it the second it's put in his hands. ( Her heart. ) He doesn't want it. He doesn't want this. Why the fuck did she have to fall in love with him? The irritation prickles, spiny, but it's no one's fault more than himself. From the first day he met her planetside, he'd known what she was, told her as much aloud: a good girl. A mess of one at the moment, sure, but the kind of girl who never belonged with him. And he'd been playing for fire ever since, because girls like this? They didn't just want a fuck. They wouldn't be content with a fling.
He should've turned right on his heel the moment he saw her again in that bar.
A palm drags itself over his face. She's waiting for him to say something, probably -- as if he knows how to respond to that. As it is, he doesn't even meet her eyes. The fragile peace woven as they lay in bed is shattered, and he gets to his feet, throwing on clothes with careless haste. Some part of him -- that he's not gonna acknowledge now, or ever -- can feel the wrongness of it all, but the rest of him is focused on just one thing: flee.
"I gotta go." He's still pulling his jacket on as he makes for the doorway, pausing within. What an asshole. He doesn't need to turn to feel her heartbreak, the wide eyes watching his retreating back. Damned as he is, forsaken, he swears that the remnants of his tattered heart give way completely at that. A thumb taps against the doorframe. Once, twice. And then he shoves emotion aside, door opening, framing him with light.
( She wouldn't; he'd make sure of it. )