#fictive-fodder

Let us begin our singing. It will haunt this great and holy mountain, and we will dance on our soft feet round the violet-dark spring and the altar of the mighty son of Kronos. We will bathe our gentle skin in Permessos. Then, on the highest slope we will make our dances, fair and lovely, stepping lively in time. From there we go forth, veiled in thick mist, and walk by night, uttering beautiful voice. 

So said mighty Zeus’ daughters, they breathed into me wondrous voice, so that I should celebrate things of the future and things that were aforetime. Come now, from the Muses let us begin, as they tell of what is and what shall be and what was aforetime, voices in unison. The words flow untiring from their mouths, and sweet. 

“I mean… just wow…” Steven sighed, eyes twinkling at you from across your desk. 

“I know.” You nodded with deep satisfaction. 

“You’re right, too.” he continued, “You really do get this sense that they were there.” 

“It feels like it, huh?” you agreed, “With ancient Egypt, you have Pharaoh as the representative of higher power, but there isn’t this deep and messy interaction with the gods that I’ve come to love so much out of Greek myth. Especially when historical artists made work where they themselves interacted with gods, or were at least in conversation with them, like this or like Sappho.” 

Lately, when Steven worked mornings, he had taken to peering into your cubicle on his breaks to see if you weren’t too busy for him to visit. It was quickly becoming your favorite ritual, and you found yourself often looking past your cubicle’s entrance as if you could will his curly head of hair to appear. 

“I think the closest equivalent I can come to is the temple of Philae…” Steven thought aloud, he leaned over your desk excitedly. You smiled, nodding as you thought of the description of it in the book Steven lent you. 

Close by this temple of Osiris at Philae was a small one, dedicated to his queen and sister, Isis. A later writer speaks of it as “the most strangely wild and beautiful spot he ever beheld. Here spreads a deep drift of silvery sand, fringed by rich verdure and purple blossoms; there, a grove of palms, intermingled with flowering acacia; and there, through vistas of craggy cliffs and gloomy foliage, gleams a calm blue lake, with the sacred island in the midst, green to the water’s edge, except where the walls of the old temple city are reflected.”  

“From the little I’ve glimpsed so far, it seems like Osirus and Isis’ marriage is a very popular story?”

“Oh, yea, super.” Steven nodded significantly. “And for good reason too- I mean sewing your husband’s body back from fourteen pieces is quite a testimony to your love, I think.” There was a quiet pause as you took a moment to make sure the two of you were still being ignored, before Steven continued, “Is there a love story you like from Greek mythology?” 

“Oh-” you took in a deep breath, overwhelmed by the question. “There are so many… I mean so, so many. You have the big ones, you know- like Odysseus and Penelope, Patroclus and Achilles, Hades and Persephone, the love triangle of Aphrodite, Ares and Hephaestus… the Greeks adored a good love story. They had 8 different kinds of Love, after all.” 

“Eight, really?” Steven asked, leaning even further over your desk, his smile unfading. 

“Yes! You have Storge, familial love. Philautia, self love. Agape, which I quite like, that’s love for everyone.”

“Ooh that’s very grand.” Steven chuckled. 

“It is! Philia is also lovely- that’s deep friendship.” 

“Alright, that was four.”  he counted, tilting his head as he looked into your eyes. If there were any emails or phone calls incoming you would have never known. You met Steven’s gaze, smiling back at him and feeling, strangely, as if you couldn’t inhale as much air as you would like to.

“Mhm… then we have Mania, which is obsessive love. You know, when you can’t stop thinking about someone and you’re just-” you shook your head, grinning, “kinda like when you first fall in love for someone, really hard, and you can’t think about anything else, you’re just tortured?” 

A change passed over Steven’s face that was initially hard for you to read. At first, you thought the brightness of his eyes dimmed at your last words, but as you searched his face you realized that his eyes weren’t less bright due to dismay or boredom, they were less bright because his pupils were dilating as he watched you. Steven was so close to you that you could even see your own silhouette in his widening gaze. 

“Um…” you continued on, swallowing dryly, “A..Another favorite of mine, Ludus… which is playful love, or like- young love. Eros, probably the best known, as it’s the spicy one. And lastly you have the love I’m certain Osirus and Isis shared…”

“What’s that one called?” Steven asked, eyes widening. 

“Pragma, longstanding love… kind of the end goal, really.” 

You jumped with a start as your desk phone began to ring loudly. Steven cleared his throat, pulling himself off of your desk and back into his chair, rubbing the side of his face with one hand as you twisted to pick up your phone. You frowned as you recognized the number on caller i.d. to be the gift shop’s extension. “Ut oh Steven…” you mumbled, picking up the phone. “Reception- how can I help you?” you answered as neutrally as possible, but you almost lost your professional composure as you glanced nervously at Steven, and found him staring at you like a child caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar. 

“Hello- could you please tell me if there is a gift shop employee in the office? His name is Stevie?”

“Stevie?” you repeated, confused. Steven rolled his eyes, exasperated. “No, there is definitely no Stevie here I’m sorry to say… office is pretty empty. Is there something I can help you wi-” the phone clicked in your ear. Frowning, you pulled the receiver away from you to look at it, before hanging up the line and looking at Steven.

“Did Donna just hang up on you?” he asked, startled. 

“I think she did?” you replied laughing, aghast. 

“Oi- I hate that, I’m sorry.” Steven grimaced, standing up. “I don’t want you getting into trouble.” 

“I’m not concerned, we work in two totally separate departments.” you shrugged. This seemed to reassure Steven as he patted down his pants pockets and made sure he had everything.

“Time to go sell some plastic ankhs?” you teased, grinning. 

“Oh yes.” Steven replied lamely. “Some Nike of Samothrace snow globes as well.” 

“Ouch- you got me.” you laughed, standing up too. You opened your mouth to ask about seeing him for lunch before you stopped yourself- what if you were being too demanding of his attention? With these new visits, any free time Steven had was being claimed by you. It felt presumptive to assume he wouldn’t like some time for himself. “Um… do you have any plans you're looking forward to, today?” 

“Finishing the Theogony, that’s about it.” Steven replied, stepping out of your cubicle. “Talk about it over lunch, yea?” 

You felt yourself blush. “If you want to!” 

“Cheers!” Steven exclaimed, before darting away. 

You sat back in your office chair and swiveled to face your computer, smiling to yourself. Steven was good. He was so, so good. Sighing dreamily, you refreshed your email and watched your screen filled with messages. 

As you clicked through your emails you couldn’t help but to keep thinking about Steven, how lucky you were to become friends after only a few weeks of working at the museum. Even though Donna and Steven’s relationship didn’t seem great, part of you envied the amount they got to interact as a team. Your role was mostly emails between curators, accountants, marketing agents, and the Liaison Department. 

You straightened in your chair as something occurred to you, hadn’t Steven said that he wanted to be a tour guide? You opened an email from Marketing briefing the Liaison Department on a new collection of work that would be showcased soon, asking the liaisons to study up on the attached pdf’s of art history so they could speak about the collection. You still hadn’t figured out why you seemed to be CC’d on every single email from any department under the museum roof, but now that didn’t seem so bad. They were all there- any branch manager you needed was available to you… even the curation team for the ancient Egyptian collection.

“What have you got today?” you asked as you sat down beside Steven in the break room. 

“I think what you mean is, what have I got us today!”’ Steven said triumphantly, as he pulled from his bag not one, but two lunches. 

“What!” you exclaimed, eyebrows raised. 

“Yea dove I made you lunch!” Steven grinned, all the more satisfied by your surprise. “It’s not bad either, we’ve got apples, some crisps, and avocado sandwiches! They’re quite good really, they’ve got lettuce and tomato in, and this spicy mustard.” 

Steven set your lunch before you with a level of excitement equal to a conductor beginning a symphony. All you could do was stare, and make some strange smile with your mouth partly open, as you looked between him and the slightly crumpled, but still appetizing sandwich before you. 

“I wanted to try and make this vegan caramel for the apples but I rather bungled that…” he continued, reminiscing on his caramel attempt with a cringe. 

“I’m-“ you started to say, but you didn’t actually know what you were. Aside from the obvious attributes: deeply flattered, touched, and surprised. There was a tightness in your throat that you’d only usually felt when you were about to cry, but there were no tears forming in your eyes. You stared at the sandwich as if it held monumental power. 

With a crunch, Steven bit into his apple. He nudged your arm with his elbow as he took another bite. You jumped a little and picked up your own. 

“Cheers!” Steven said, tapping his apple against yours. Chucking, you took a bite. 

You couldn’t have known how strange it was for Steven to be eating a lunch he made with a friend. He was nearly as surprised as you, that he was able to sit down with you today and provide this meal. Steven had never been very good about remembering to make himself up a lunch to take to work, but the idea of also making one for you, however modest it may be, was so exciting that it stuck in his mind. Instead of only remembering he should have packed food by the time he was clocking out for lunch, he had stopped at the market on the way home last night, imagining how this very moment would play out. As was usual, he had been hesitant to fall asleep, but the thought of having time in the morning to carefully assemble sandwiches gripped him with excitement and so he’d done his best, making sure his ankle restraint was tightly fastened to his leg no later than midnight, and stared up at his dark ceiling, silently begging it to let him sleep peacefully. 

When Steven woke up it was nearly dawn. He was so bewildered by the unique light of early morning that for a moment he thought he’d only slept for a few minutes. His ankle was still securely fastened to its brace, and even more profoundly, he felt rested. Steven felt like he had won, but there was also a bitter sweetness to realizing his night had gone exactly as intended- that it was unlikely to happen again, or consistently.

He tried to brush off that anxiety though, as he watched you take the first bite of the sandwich he made. Whether you were just being angelically polite or genuinely enjoying it, he appreciated your attention nevertheless. What was better? To try and have some plans, some gifts, some special moments never materialize- or to never meet the opportunity to surprise you and make you smile? 

That was an easy answer. 

“You failed to mention earlier,” Steven started, chewing through a large bite of bread, “what your favorite ancient Greek love story is?” 

“Oh right! Well that’s so difficult!” you groaned, grinning. “The reason may be nuanced, but I love Selene and Endymion’s story.” 

“What is it?” 

“Selene is the Moon goddess in the ancient Greek pantheon, and Endymion was a mortal shepherd Prince that would take his flock over hills and mountains at night. They fell in love, but because she was immortal and Endymion was not, Zeus extended his life by casting an eternal sleep upon Endymion.” 

“Alright?” Steven responded, gesturing for you to keep explaining. 

“That’s pretty much the whole story.” you laughed.

“Why is that your favorite then?” Steven asked, more spellbound than anything. 

“Because! Okay this might sound a little cheesy but-”

“Sorry, I can’t do cheese. I’m vegan, remember?” Steven said with mock severity. 

“Wow.” you replied flatly. You leaned back a little to watch Steven have a very hard time not laughing at his own joke. “Proud of yourself?” 

“Go on, keep telling me why-” he choked out, bringing his hands to cover his mouth. 

“No, no…” you replied, you resisted the twitch of a smile on your own face. “I don’t think I can after being eviscerated by your lactose free wit.” 

“Please-” Steven wheezed faintly, nodding encouragingly, “Please, tell me.” 

“Well-” you sighed haggardly, “What I was going to say is that I like it, because to me it feels metaphorical? No one should really ‘see’ the moon because it is at its best when we should be asleep, and yet we have and we do- and we have done for hundreds of years? Cultures with no connection all over the world have fallen in love with the Moon, which appears in its highest glory when our eyes should be closed? And I just think of that when thinking of Endymion. I think of how the night sky infatuates us, how humankind has always been so rhapsodic about it, even though as creatures we are useless in the dark and the night does little for anyone in a practical sense.

“Endymion is in this eternal sleep, induced by his love for the Moon… again, metaphorically, he’s fed by his affection for something so lovely? It just so simply encapsulates this understanding that people had way back then that even in a time of hardship, beauty was longed for and nourished humankind?” 

Steven had stopped eating. He was simply staring at you, eyebrows raised. 

“I know it sounds like I’ve thought about it too much- it’s because I do.” you qualified, embarrassed. 

“No-” Steven replied, voice soft, brow furrowed. “You’re alright… that was, that’s good.” 

You were not convinced that Steven was genuine in his reassurance. You cast your eyes downward, mind racing. This was an overstep on your part- you got a little too romantic, waxed a little too poetic about your favorite topic. You wanted to try to ground your thoughts. “Um… there’s an… there’s a quote from this book.” you offered weakly, pulling your phone out of your pocket for reference. 

You read aloud, “There is a fundamental reason why we look at the sky with wonder and longing—for the same reason that we stand, hour after hour, gazing at the distant swell of the open ocean. There is something like an ancient wisdom, encoded and tucked away in our DNA, that knows its point of origin as surely as a salmon knows its creek. Intellectually, we may not want to return there, but the genes know, and long for their origins—their home in the salty depths. But if the seas are our immediate source, the penultimate source is certainly the heavens… The spectacular truth is—and this is something that your DNA has known all along—the very atoms of your body—the iron, calcium, phosphorus, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and on and on—were initially forged in long-dead stars. This is why, when you stand outside under a moonless, country sky, you feel some ineffable tugging at your innards. We are star stuff.“ The quiet you were greeted with felt unbearable. Quickly tucking your phone back in your pocket, you smiled, and sighed. “I mean those are the words of an astronomer, but the ancient Greeks were saying the same thing- We can’t help ourselves. We’re all in love with the moon.”

Mania.  Steven thought.

“I…” Steven started, before stopping himself with a shake of his head. He still hadn’t touched any food. Sighing your name, Steven glanced into your eyes, head still shaking. “You… um, you think- You think very beautifully.” 

“Hah-” you breathed, it was a sound of deepest regret. Why? Why had you been so open. You could have probably cooked an egg on your cheek, it felt so warm. You were desperate for some way out of being the talkative one. “You know, I don’t actually know if there was a Moon god in the Egyptian pantheon?” 

“Oh-” Steven’s tone changed to something significantly less enchanted. “Yea. His name is Khonshu, god of the Moon, protector of those who travel at night.” 

“...not a fan?” you asked, unable to help smiling at how personally offended Steven seemed by invoking Khonshu. 

“Not really.” he replied, shrugging. 

“Aha!” you grinned, taking a triumphant bite of your apple. “And there it is.”

“What?” Steven asked.

“The beginning of the end, Steven.” you hummed, “Greek god versus Egyptian God, Selene beats Khonshu.” 

“HAH!” Steven laughed so loudly the rest of your coworkers in the break room glanced over. Why did this always happen to you two? Steven grasped at his chest, his eyes closed by the strength of his giggles. “Alright dove, that one you can have.”

TAG LIST:

Remus was smiling, his eyes closed. You couldn’t see this for yourself but you could feel the curl of his smile against your cheek. Remus’s hands ran down your sides, fingers pushing against your ribs as you drew in breaths. He always did this, always curling over and against you- the one time he seemed comfortable utilizing his full height and size. It made you feel sheltered and blind to the greater world as you were enveloped in scarred, sun warmed arms. 

The low light of dusk was a plush, velveteen ambience that felt so far away. Behind Remus, dim torchlight captured your awareness only faintly, dancing over your vision as Remus’s weight swayed against you, pushing you back up against the wall of the corridor. 

Your hands rose to grasp his shoulders, but steadying him was a halfhearted task. Goosebumps erupted down your spine as you felt his lips part against the skin of your jaw. He whimpered, a sigh of faux regret. 

“I shouldn’t have gone so far-“ it was a hum against your neck more than a sound. His voice became so low when he drank. “Now I can’t do this properly…” 

A sighing, dismissive laugh escaped you. 

“Don’t laugh at me…” Remus whined, voice half whisper half growl, but he was already laughing at himself- a deep chuckle that rolled through him and jostled you. 

You shifted, maneuvering him so that you could pull his face from hiding against your neck. You pushed your cool fingertips to his pink cheeks, holding his face slightly away from you. He looked back at you with heavy lidded, hazy eyes.

“Noo-” he groaned, eyebrows arching into a tragic line. “Let me-” Remus turned his head and began kissing the heel of your palm, your fingertips, and up your wrist.

“Merlin’s beard-” you whispered, pulling your hands away, you pivoted away from him. Ever since Hogsmeade, the boundaries between you and Remus had become less and less.  He had made a habit of walking you to your quarters at night, wishing you a pleasant sleep and leaving you with a kiss. 

You took a step forward, closer to your door, but one of Remus’s long arms scooped you up and pulled you backwards closer to him. You were thankful that he couldn’t see the grin that spread across your face for fear of encouraging him. 

“I really shouldn’t have had so much to drink…” he breathed, resting his chin on the top of your head, tucking you into him once again. “I want to kiss you but I’ll be shit, sorry as.” 

Your heart did a strange little flip when Remus swore, it was so rare for him to. He sounded close to tears or close to laughter, it was difficult to determine which. Admittedly, you’d never seen Remus drink much, with the night he graduated and this random evening being the only exceptions. You weren’t completely sober either, after Minerva had encouraged everyone in the staff lounge to try some limited label Butterbeer she’d procured  from her hometown over winter break. You had enjoyed it, Remus had loved it. 

Remus’s hands had discovered the sides of your torso again. Your breath hitched as he pushed his hands up over the swell of your chest. You closed your eyes as one of his hands came to wrap about the nape of your neck, the other cradling your jaw. He moved to kiss the top of your head, breathing in the scent of your hair. 

Your eyes shot back open as you heard footsteps at the end of the corridor. “Alright-” you groaned, pulling yourself out from under Remus’ grasp. “C’mon then- I don’t think you can make it back to your rooms.” you said quietly, glancing nervously at the end of the hall as you grabbed Remus by the wrists and started walking backwards to your door. 

“Hmm-” Remus purred, one eyebrow raising at the prospect. 

“No!” you hissed, wrenching open your door haggardly. What was worse- for a faculty member to see you throwing Remus into your bedroom, or for him to wander the hallway drunk and alone? “Get in here.” you begged with gritted teeth as you threw your weight into pulling him through your doorway. Remus obliged, stumbling in with an ecstatic smile. 

“Oh- this isn’t my classroom…” he frowned, looking over his shoulder at you as you closed the door. “It’s not class time, it’s bedtime, Professor Lupin.” you grumbled, but this elicited an even worse expression of satisfaction from him, and you had to resist kicking him. 

“I don’t know if I’m tired yet-” he argued, as you placed both your hands on his back and pushed him towards your bed. You glanced up to the ceiling as if in prayer, ignoring him. Remus fell heavily against your mattress, you couldn’t help but blush as he looked up at you. 

You had been trying to sleep when you heard the sound of someone apparating. Adrenaline filled you as you jumped up, Sirius's letter in one hand, your wand in the other. Your best guess was that it has been four days since you had apparated into James and Lily's home. You were still wearing the same clothes, as you hadn't had anything else.

It was Remus.

You felt yourself go limp with relief at the sight of him. "Remus-" You breathed, taking a step closer. At first, Remus' expression mirrored yours, but as you stepped close he raised his wand towards you.

"What creature unlocked your door at Hogwarts?" He asked, voice low.

"What?" You drew back, eyes wide.

"Answer me!" Remus hissed, tightening his grip on his wand.

"Um- A, a rabbit? A little jack rabbit on the ring?" Your voice shook. It had been 6 months since you had last seen him but what startled you more was having never seen Remus look so intense. You had never before noticed how easily he could fill a room when utilizing his full height, how much space he could control.

Remus lowered his wand with a relieved sigh. He closed the distance between the two of you and pulled you into a tight embrace. Your mind was a mix of relief and despair, so grateful for the comfort while constantly being reminded of what had happened.

"Where are we going?" You asked, looking up at him.

Remus's face softened momentarily. You felt his hand come up to hold your jaw. He looked into your eyes, frowning slightly, before his gaze fell to the letter in your hand. "What is that?"

"Sirius wrote me." You replied, gripping the letter tighter. "To let me know that I should expect someone soon."

"Sirius?" Remus repeated, his voice hardening. He looked as if he was about to ask something more, but thought better of it and turned to the wall behind him. "Alice, Frank!" He called out, tapping his wand on the wall. "We're ready."

At the tap of Remus' wand, an archway appeared, opening the wall up to the living space you had heard around you the last four days. A man and a woman were on the other side, looking at you with a mix of sternness and sympathy.

"C'mon then-" Alice said, gesturing over to her fireplace. Frank was grabbing a bag of floo powder.

Bewildered, you obliged. "Where-?" You asked again, voice shaking.

"Don't worry." Remus assured, "Peter is going to take you in for now. Alice is going to make sure you get there."

You turned back to Remus, eyes stinging. "You're not coming?"

You noticed that while Remus' expression was stoic, his chest was noticeably rising and falling with his breaths. "No." He started. There was a pause, in which Remus glanced at Alice and Frank while he thought of how to explain. It seemed as if it was becoming harder for Remus to look you in the eyes.

"What Remus means is that we're all doing our best to keep sensitive information known to as few as possible." Frank said in a gentle tone from near the fireplace. Alice nodded encouragingly. "For example, we knew we were protecting someone in that secret room, but we don't know how to access it."

"And I do not know where Peter is, but Alice and Frank do." Remus continued, fighting a tone of guilt in his voice.

You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could Remus gave Alice and Frank a nod and with a sharp popping sound, had disapperated.

-X-

Remus let out a shaky breath as he apparated back into Sirius’ flat. He had always been good at shaking off unpleasant feelings, discomfort, but watching Alice guide you into that fireplace was too much. The expression you’d had, that sadness- and what was worse, surprise. Remus knew that you had wanted him to take you to Peter’s, he knew you were upset to realize that he was hardly involved in helping you. A shudder fell through Remus’ body as he closed his eyes- all he could see was the look of betrayal, of unfamiliarity that had crept into your eyes. That would be burned into his memory forever. 

Remus’ throat felt thick and heavy, as if it was going to fall into his stomach. He could feel a sob fighting its way out of him, but Remus bit his lip, tamping it down. Crying, Remus reasoned, would be too much of a release. Better to keep this feeling, better to be marked by it, remember it and use it so this never could happen again. 

The fireplace on the other side of the flat flared to life. Remus turned, watching as Sirius stepped through, his heartbeat quickening at the sight of Sirius’ gaunt, sleepless face. 

“How’d it go?” Sirius asked, looking at Remus with wide eyes as he dusted off his robes. 

“As well as you could expect… thanks to Alice and Frank.” Remus answered, trying to keep his voice even despite the fact that it felt like his neck had been tied into a knot. Sirius sighed heavily, shaking his head. 

“I wish I could have been there.” he lamented.

Remus felt his face twitch, his skin suddenly felt so very, very hot. He took a deep, slow, breath and tried to pass it off as a sigh in unison with Sirius’. So, Sirius wished he could have done more? Remus winced as the image of your hand gripping Sirius’ letter flashed in his mind. “I’d say you’ve already done too much, Padfoot.” he answered, forcing himself to stare at the floor as looking at Sirius just made him angrier. In his periphery, Remus could tell that Sirius had turned to stare at him. 

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, plainly confused. 

Almost too innocent, Remus thought bitterly. Remus glanced at Sirius’ face, at his wide eyes and the pit of his chest turned into a fire. “That letter?” 

Sirius shrugged, his brow drawn together in further confusion. “What about it?” 

“Because, Sirius-” he barked, only becoming more irritated by the jump Sirius gave at Remus’ biting tone, “Because you know better than that. It’s a very, very dangerous time and you’ve jeopardized Alice and Frank, you jeopardized me by sending that letter.”

“Oh Mooney-” Sirius started sadly, his shoulders slumped as he took a few steps towards Remus. “But you didn’t see, you weren’t there when James and Lily told The Order what happened. You didn’t see the pain on Lily’s face, as she talked about them losing their entire family and crying on her lap. They’ve been alone, Mooney, they might be safe but they’ve been alone. I couldn’t stand it.” 

Sirius held Remus’ gaze for a long moment, his face falling as Remus remained stern. It was true, he hadn’t been there, because he’d been asked to go do what he was always asked to do- find a group of werewolves that hadn’t already pledged themselves to Voldemort. Thinking of that just made Remus feel worse. Seeing what people like him were like- 

“You…” Remus sighed and pinched his brow. Was it hard for him to reply because he feared it would sound too harsh, or was it because if he said anything more he might not be able to stop himself from shouting? “You could have completely compromised their safety by sending that letter. You can’t do that, Sirius, you can’t put your friends above the order. Nothing can be more salient than the orders we’re given, nothing! Or you won’t have friends to protect.” 

Sirius raised his brows, looking at Remus like he was impressed. He tilted his head, mulling over Remus’ words as if chewing them. The hairs on Remus’ arms rose as his shoulders tensed, like he was preparing to withstand a storm- which, with Sirius’ tongue, might not be too far from reality. Remus swallowed dryly as he watched Sirius’ eyes narrow.  

“So you’re frustrated with me.” Sirius clarified, taking a step towards him. 

“Very.” Remus nodded. Sirius shook his head- there it was, that sharp smile. 

“...I’m having a hard time, Rem.” Sirius said, standing before Remus, eyes glinting. 

“Oh yea?” 

“Yea…. I’m having a hard time believing this has anything to do with protocols.” 

“Well it does.” Remus shrugged. He looked down at Sirius and could feel his jaw ticking as he clenched his teeth. “So you either don’t care about the Order enough to be true to it, or you’re trying to wriggle out of taking accountability.” 

“Right.” Sirius smirked, “Perfect, Mooney- It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you weren’t there? That we weren’t there? That their family is gone because we didn’t think they would be targeted and that is on us? Because they went to Lily and James and not you? Because I found a way to give them some shred of comfort, of love- and when you got there you were all business?” 

Remus felt like he might go blind with rage. 

“You don't think it wasn’t hard for me? You think I wouldn’t rather have them with me?” he spat. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Of course you would rather, Rem. But that’s the problem- it's always a “would” and never a “will” with you. You get all your life’s meaning putting out the fires James and I start. You’re all too comfortable just sitting back and letting people think you’re the sensible, witty one that will smooth over all of our mistakes, but you’re not. You’re the one that’s never taken the first step to do anything, you’re the one watching life fly fucking by as other’s wait for you to catch on.” 

“Oh stop this, Sirius.” Remus’ voice shook. “Don’t try to turn this around and make this about relationships. If you can’t handle not seeing them, not sending them letters, then maybe you should just keep away. Just stay away from them.”

“Why, don’t they already have you for that?” Sirius raised an eyebrow, looking bored. 

“I’m not kidding, Sirius.” Remus growled, drawing himself up to his full height. He took a step towards him. “You’re endangering them. I don’t want you around if you can’t fucking control yourself.”

He watched Sirius’ eyes fill with a malice Remus had only ever seen at Sirius’ worst- fights with his family, fights with Death Eaters he’d grown up around. Remus’ eyes widened as he stopped a shudder from running down his spine at the effect Sirius’ glare had. 

“Do you love them, Remus?” Sirius asked. 

“That’s not what this is about-” Remus stammered, shaking his head. 

“Do you?” 

“Of course I do-” 

“Not like how you love James, you ass.” Sirius seethed, pushing his hand against Remus’ chest. “You know what I am asking. It’s sad, you can’t even answer.” 

Remus pushed Sirius away forcefully, a cruel satisfaction rang through him as he watched Sirius stumble backwards. “They know I care about them-” 

“Bullocks. How the fuck do you fathom that?” Sirius yelled, leaning towards Remus again. “You either have to tell them or show them- YOU haven’t DONE anything!” 

Before Remus could register that he had moved, Remus had the collar of Sirius’ robes balled up in his fist. Remus held Sirius before him, a terrible grimace contorting his face. 

“Fine.” Sirius snarled, his face transformed sharply, darkening, willful and wild. “Do you know who you’re reminding me of, Remus?” Sirius started, voice loud. “How little Snivelleus would traipse around Lily. Admit it- you’re jealous seeing me be there for them the way you SHOULD BE, because you CAN’T get over yourself being a danger, being a risk. Well now you have no excuse, they’ve handled worse than a werewolf Remus, and you’re still inept. I’m not your problem mate, you are.”   

Sirius noticed Remus' hand had flexed into a fist before Remus did. His eyes widened. “What, you’re going to hit me?” he hissed, a sliver of hurt and vulnerability showing through his eyes. His mouth bent to a pained frown. 

Remus let go- forcing his hands to relax and fall to his side. Another long silence followed. 

“I always hoped for you, Remus.” Sirius said, voice rough. “I knew that you felt you had to hide, but I believed you’d overcome that for the right person, just like you did with us. Now-” Sirius shook his head with disgust, looking at Remus as if he had transformed into a stranger. “They deserve better than this. Better than you.”

Remus’ eyes stung with hot tears. He held his breath, staring at Sirius’ sharp, unloving face. 

“I’m not going to have you blame me because you’re too scared to be honest with yourself.” Sirius breathed, his shoulders shook with anger. “You can go hang around that oily twat Snape if that’s the lack of life you want. Get out.”   

“Fine-” Remus growled, and with a flick of his wand he glimpsed the last he’d ever see of Sirius’ flat. While Sirius stood, wide eyed, incredulous, and in pain as the world spun and then spun again.

It wasn’t getting any easier to keep yourself from smiling when Steven got this look on his face. You could tell when he was mentally preparing to kiss you because he would square up in front of you, shoulders tense, and stare at you with his round, dark eyes. 

Any movement contrary to open interest and Steven would abandon his goal. Any acknowledgement that a kiss was about to happen also resulted in an embarrassed termination of the attempt. You just had to stay still, make some eye contact but not too pointed of eye contact, as Steven approached you wearily. 

And of course, you enjoyed these kisses, Steven also seemed to, often pulling away with a dreamy, accomplished air. They may have been superficial and ended before you could really kiss back, but you were happy to give Steven the time to get comfortable with that level of intimacy. 

You wished he could just relax a little, though. 

His front teeth had just knocked against yours from the expected force of his kiss. It was always this- a combination of forceful clumsiness and featherlight touch. Without thinking, your lips parted as Steven’s tooth scraped your lower lip. It didn’t seem like he had done it intentionally, but that didn’t make it thrill you any less. 

Instead of pulling away, you were surprised to feel Steven’s spine stiffen. How could he be any more tense then he’d started out? And why wasn’t he pulling away? You raised your eyebrows, intrigued, and kissed him back very softly, bringing your hands to gently caress the sides of his face, your fingertips nested in his curly hair. 

As soon as you deepened the kiss, Steven’s entire body went slack. You could sense the curve of his shoulders fall and bend towards you as his arms gathered you up and pulled you closer. This sent a thrill through you and, despite yourself, the line of your lips did break into a smile as you continued to kiss him. 

Steven’s hands ran over you in the attempt to find anywhere you could be pulled closer to him. He moved frantically, dissatisfied- as if he had been starved for this attention his life over. An ache rang through your heart at this, and you hugged him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck, as you bit down gently on his bottom lip.

“Oh my-” Steven breathed, now slack jawed. 

Your body tingled like it was going numb with sleep as Steven reciprocated with small, open mouthed kisses. 

“Oh my word?” he added, his arms tightening around you so much so the kiss deepened further. 

You hummed against his lips, your awareness abandoned you as all you could understand was that this was a very, very nice kiss. You hadn’t even realized that in all of Steven’s grabbing and pulling you closer, he had actually picked you up and sat you on his desk. When you opened your eyes, you found him leaning over you, arms on either side of you, palms pressed against the desk top. 

“Golly-” he sighed raggedly, a wide smile lighting up his face. He kissed you again, and then once more. He sighed softly, a breath against the apple of your cheek, as he kissed you again, and again. Now, you couldn’t even really think about how nice this all felt, as your mind was filled with a blind bliss. 

“You’re so- so good at this-” he stammered, risking a gentle bite of your bottom lip. 

All you could do was raise your eyebrows, as you thought how funny it was for Steven to say so, when he was the one leaning over you so much that your head was in danger of hitting the wall behind you, as you sat on top of his desk, one elbow resting on Zarafa by Michael Allen and the other on a pile of napkins Steven had saved from a recent restaurant meal. 

Your arms were beginning to shake as you fought to keep yourself sat up for fear of hitting your head against the wall. You made a small noise to signal a break. Steven pulled away immediately. 

“Oh- oh no are you okay?” he asked, his eyes widening. It seemed like he hadn’t realized where he had put you. “Sorry- that looks really uncomfortable-” 

He pulled away enough for you to sit up easier, before you started to gingerly try to pick yourself up off of his desk.

“Here, let me-” he started, his arms easily wrapping around you and picking you up. He carefully let go of your legs, letting you stand against him to get your balance. “That’s better right?” he asked.

“Thank you-” you chuckled, looking up at him. He was blushing crimson from ear to chest.  

“Um, thank you.” he retorted immediately, still holding on to you with an iron grip. Now that you’d come up for air- you realized that he’d lifted you and carried you around as if it had been nothing. Where had that come from? You glanced at his arms as Steven continued, “I mean- Phew! Wow. Just… golly. You’re... You’re amazin’, really.” 

Pick your cast, a number or a symbol and send me an ask!

||: Characters I write for :|| In this capacity I haven’t yet written for many characters/stories, but if you don’t see someone here that you’d like, let me know and I’ll see what I can whip up!    ◇ Greek Myth ◇ Marauders/Harry Potter ◇ Lord of the Rings ◇ Winter Soldier ◇ Captain America ◇ Moon Knight ◇ X Men ◇ Howl’s Moving Castle ◇ Bioshock ◇ Peter Pan  ◇ Princess Bride  ◇ Sailor Moon  ◇     

||: Prompts- all credit goes to @mirclealignr​ for this prompt list! || post :||

1 - things you said at 1 am 2 - things you said too quietly 3 - things you didn’t say at all 4 - things you said under the stars 5 - things you said when you were crying 6 - things you said after you kissed me 7 - things you said that I wish you hadn’t 8 - things you said when you were scared 9 - things you said when we were happiest 10 - things you said that I wasn’t meant to hear 11 - things you said but not out loud 12 - things you said while I cried in your arms 13 - things you said in your sleep 14 - things you said when we first met 15 - things you said kissing me goodnight 16 - things you said as we danced in our socks 17 - things you said under your breath 18 - things you said when no one else was around 19 - things you were afraid to say 20 - things you said i’ll never understand 21 - things you said to hurt me 22 - things you said too late 23 - things you said at the wrong time 24 - things you always meant to say but never got the chance

||: Choose a symbol - all credit goes to @themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy for this idea! :||

❥• send me a fact about yourself, something you love about yourself, and I’ll write a little meet-cute scenario for you

☕ send me a few things about yourself (including pronouns & preferred stories/genders) and I’ll tell you what character I ship you with and make a moodboard for it

✉ send me a favorite word and a character and I’ll write a little dialogue based on that ➹ send me a few things about yourself and a preferred character and I’ll create some personalized headcanons for you