#fflm

“It’s Gabrielle who performed the miracle. …Din’cha?”

Grandmother? Uncle Meropes? Dazed orbs sought the faces of her loved ones with whom she had just reunited. The young bard gasped at what she saw instead. Xena’s looking at me with such love in her eyes. She’s even tearing up. No! Gabrielle mourned when the warrior princess pulled back from kissing her on the forehead. I don’t want this dream to end. A stuttered breath later, the girl panicked. Unless Xena’s dead too! Th-the temple!

Those strong arms cinched tighter around in her limp frame. “Ssh,” that voice soothed her. “It’s alright, precious. You’re safe. You’re safe now; I promise!”

“...Xena?”

“Yes, lovey?” Her voice catching on the endearment, the woman still laughed beneath watery eyes.

Gabrielle knew then she was still on the other side.

Or maybe not. The center of her chest began to ache terribly.

“I-it hurts,” she whispered. She soon passed out, for Xena immediately parted her top and kissed the forming bruise there.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” 

It had to be a dream.

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“I love you.”

Elven ears perked up, and Gabrielle let herself grin. “I know,” she told her dream lover. 

“Oh, ya do, do ya? I guess I don’t have to say it anymore then.”

Green-blue eyes shot open at that warm, teasing tone. Her hand rose to ensnare itself in the long, raven locks spilling into her face but found itself full of another hand. She’s even still holding me, the bard mused, utterly amazed.

“How-” Xena’s voice broke again. “How’re you feelin’, hon- huh?”

“Safe,” the bard murmured as she snuggled even closer to her hero.

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For the next few days, Gabrielle would not wake without dark hair in her eyes, warm breath tickling her temple, and powerful hands cradling her in some way.

We’ll have to come through this forest more often, she thought to herself with a soft but naughty grin. Then she would whine or whimper, and Xena would instantly spring to attention to wait on her hand and foot. Definitely challenge the warrior princess to stop a war at least once a season from here on out. 

A pointed poke in the nose and huff told her to not even try it. 

But Gabrielle knew that she would.

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Woo! 300th post! I debated writing this bit, figured it’d be a better conclusion to the season, and so went ahead and did it. Sue me. 😛 But yay! So much is complete now!

Season 1 FFLMs: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22 #23 #24 + MFLMs: #1 #2

Season 2 FFLMs: #25 #26 #27 #28 #29 #30 #31 #32 #33 #34 #35 + MFLM: #3

Episodic Ficlets: #1 #1 (Truncated) #2 #3 #4 #4 (Alternate) #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22 #23 #24 + full Google Doc

Also, Adrienne Wilkinson is working with me on getting my first novel ready for publication. COOOOOOL!!! She’s seriously the best, y’all. Also-also, another Xenite helped me download all the Rift Arc episodes in HD. Now I can redo the images for a bunch of my posts! Yaaaaay! Which one should I do first? Lemme know! And celebrate this milestone with me, if you will! Thanks!

So, a lot of people misunderstood me or thought that I misunderstood the situation way back when upon my declaration of: “LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! So, we’ve seen this she-beast stare down an army, a warlord, a Cyclops, a sword-wielding mama, and a stone-brandishing mob, even be threatened if not attacked by each, and yet barely blink. But a tiny fluffball diving between her and certain death? That’s scary! *SUPER flinch* Heeeee!”, but, no, y’all! Xena, Destroyer of Nations, jumps and cowers not from her would-be murderers, but from Gabrielle, wee widdle wabbit, and Gabrielle alone. 🤣 This^ black and white colorization (that I think @girl4music did*) really emphasizes the moment, no? GXe so funny. 😆 I wubs dem.

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“Gabrielle, it’s Marmax. I need you to change his bandages.”

“…Alright.”

Xena watched Gabrielle go. Just a moment later, she thought of something she simply had to tell the girl. “Gab-” But her mouth closed of its own accord.  The bard was telling a story, and secret to exactly no one but herself, the warrior princess loved to hear a good story. Or was it good bards? Or, was it just one bard in particular? Xena pretended not to know.

“There was once this king; his name was Libarius. He was a brave warrior, a great hunter…” 

A blush rose in high cheekbones. Oh, great. This is going to be about me. Gabrielle’s been substituting men for me in all of her poems lately… But Xena wasn’t supposed to know that, nor was she supposed to know the meaning behind the swap. Neither did she try to leave, unable to pass up the opportunity to hear Gabrielle sing her praises, undeserved though they might be to the brunette’s guilty conscience. She shook her head to clear it and then focused on that soft voice once more.

“He was so proud of his hunting skills, that he decided to test them in the sacred forest, of the great goddess Artemis. … She was so angry with him that she turned him into a deer. … He became so fond of the peaceful ways of the deer, that he actually grew to love them. Of course, he still missed his friends and family, which made him very sad. So Artemis took pity on him, turned him back into his human form.”

Engrossed in the tale despite Marmax’s interruptions, Xena’s thoughts concurred with the general’s: “A happy ending. But what a nightmare, a warrior having to live the life of a deer!”

“Actually, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. He became a better king after the experience, a much happier man.” 

“Why’s that?”

Unbidden, Xena’s lips silently shaped the words she knew Gabrielle would answer.

“’Cause he learned the true secret of life is to find peace in yourself and to share it with the world.”

The man laughed, causing Xena to growl quietly. She moved to covertly defend her precious friend but found that yet again, her interference was not necessary.

Gabrielle preserved her dignity in the way that did not hurt or even insult her opponent, simply made them question their own cynicism, made them think. 

With a small smile, Xena shook her head. Then she noticed her hand covering her heart and wondered at its placement. Was she touched by her sweet little bard? Or was she pledging allegiance to Gabrielle? Halcyon acceptance rather than frustration or wariness slid her hand away. The warrior princess rose from the knees she didn’t know she had dropped to and followed the girl.

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@scentedflowersong and @dulcie13

Whee!!! And with those 300 words, season one of my EFs is over! Next up, MFLM#3? Whatever it is, two posts from now will be my 300th. Also, happy weenie day! heheheh Yes, I’m a bit late, but Steven L. Sears says that today is the 27th anniversary of the show’s debut. Congrats, y’all! Also, even later, the Master Post has been updated. Whoopsies. Ah well! Here ya go! Also-also, here is the Fic Google Doc.

Episodic Ficlets: #1 #1 (Truncated) #2 #3 #4 #4 (Alternate) #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22 #23

Season 1 FFLMs: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22 #23 #24

Season 2: #25 #26 #27 #28 #29 #30 #31 #32 #33 #34 #35

“You don’t know what these monsters do to women!” 

“No! I’m counting on it!” Xena snagged her waterskin from the palm tree behind her. Two steps later, she thrust it into her brother’s chest. “Hold that thought. I have a little …trouble to deal with first.”

Toris sighed loudly but said nothing.

His sister could hardly care less. Instead, she smothered a chuckle at her sidekick’s expense; the girl was crashing through the underbrush to put some distance between them. Xena flipped without releasing her war cry and landed square in her companion’s path. “You know that you are far too noisy to sneak around unnoticed, right?”

Red-faced and panting, the blonde gasped. “Xena! You surprised me! I- I- was just, uh, practicing with-”

“Sure you were.” Before Gabrielle could dig herself deeper, Xena actually surprised her by stepping forward and yanking her into a bone-crushing embrace. Then she dropped to one knee and grasped staff-calloused hands in both of hers. “Gabrielle, please. I beg of you. This is Cortese, the man who- who killed Lyceus as I watched, helpless. And you- I don’t want you anywhere near him! Please.”

Gabrielle stood stunned and silent for another moment longer. At long last, she whispered, “Xena…”

“You want to help me; this is how you can help me. Stay out of it! I won’t be able to focus worrying about you, and that could get me killed, if not Toris, the only brother I have left. So, for my sake. Please. Will you do this for me?”

Again, Gabrielle murmured, “Xena… Alright,” she conceded. Then she heaved the warrior princess to her feet to hug her more thoroughly. “But I don’t want you anywhere near that man either. And—” she blushed once more— “okay, you caught me. I was eavesdropping because I wanted to be able to jump in if Toris- …Well, anyway, I don’t want you getting hurt in that camp. Xena, please don’t go there! You’re already well on the way in talking Toris out of killing Cortese, right? Why not just-”

“I can’t. I’m not strong enough. But you, you are. Please…”

Gabrielle slumped against the woman, not yet realizing that she had been beaten at her own game. “Please come back safe,” she whimpered.

“I will. For you, I will.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Good.”

Gabrielle basked in the brilliance of her hero’s smile. And the next time Xena tried to leave her behind that day, she did not argue but rather volunteered to part ways with her.

Thank you, the brunette sent across their intangible connection in lieu of showing even the slightest sign of give in front of Toris. 

Uh-huh, the bard sent back. …But don’t get used to it! 

Xena finally did laugh.

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@scentedflowersong and @dulcie13

Alright. 450 words. I think I’ll finish season one first, then do the MFLM for the first half of season two, then get back to the FFLMs for a while. Thoughts? 

Fic Google Doc

Episodic Ficlets: #1 #1 (Truncated) #2 #3 #4 #4 (Alternate) #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22

FFLMs: Season 1: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20 #21 #22 #23 #24

Season 2: #25 #26 #27 #28 #29 #30 #31 #32 #33 #34 #35

Finally. Finally, it. Is. FINISHED! YAAAAAY!!! Like last time, this MFLM will only include one to two additional funny moments per episode.

Thanks for the encouragement, @screwyourdefaults! I’ll try again with these no matter how much fun I’m just not having with season two thus far, from an FFLM perspective. Anyway, without further ado… No, wait! CAUTION: I am bitter today! My stalker struck again mid-post-making and put me in an even worse mood. Sorry. / Skip this post if necessary. 🥲

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So, Joxer spends this episode in a different place than is oft-remembered overall. I almost forgot that he lusted after Xena first and even saw Gabrielle as a child way back when. Which makes his later pining for her even more scummy, but there you go. Also, he is not yet Joxer the Mighty but rather Joxer the Magnificent here, which I actually forgot. And now reminds me of Gurkhan. Yikes, Jox.

Meg is awesome; I’ll give this episode that. But while she is usually remembered for being illiterate, she was also innumerate (another thing I forgot). And, of course, hilariously weird. Or is it just Lucy who’s a whackadoo? ’Cuz I well remember when Meg popped out of that cake in “Soul Possession” singing and dancing to the original, uh, lullaby that Lucy apparently used to put to her son Julius* to sleep with each night. What does THAT even mean? Did she find her infant son sexy, and that’s why her song for him was her go-to while acting as a prostitute dressed in a very risqué bikini and trying to seduce a bummed-out god? And what does that say about Rob who presumably signed off on Lu’s decision? Ahem. Anyway, this scene is a reverse of that moment. Instead of singing a lullaby to a potential, ahm, client, Meg’s sings a barroom song to “her” baby. After all her effort to impersonate Diana too (not to mention, success with King Lias and Xena)! LOLz Okie.

Oh, Gabrielle. First, you insult Xena by not being able to tell her apart from an acquaintance or complete stranger, despite having lived with and idolized the warrior princess for more than a year. Then, you don’t have the sense to duck when her chakram is coming right at you! Need I remind you what happened to King Lias’s crown after Diana threw the chakram? Why take that chance if you weren’t sure who was in front of you? 😂 Even Joxer knew enough to not just stand there! (Also, I like how he and Xena mirrored each other’s expressions for a couple of shots there.) And, naturally, Xena vented her hurt/frustration by not only pulling that stunt with the chakram but also unnecessarily breaking a bunch of stuff belonging to the people she’s trying to help. LOLz, part …who knows?

Oh, really, Xena? Then why do you still feel guilty and let that emotion rule your life, eh? Yet another instance of Xena being unable to practice what she preaches. heh Ah well.

Hey, look! Each major character gets a highlight this time around! Yey. And we have another multi-point moment. Double yey. One, Princess Diana just knew Xena was going to be a dumb-butt yet again and send the guy “holding” the baby flying, and thus, the baby flying. Two, three, four, and five, her daughter uses her final close-up to prove that she is the angriest little lady in existence (adorable and amusing; and, really, who could blame her? 🤣), poor Philemon nearly wets his pants, the baby enjoys her flight, and Diana finally catches something! Yaaaaay! You go, princess! 😝 We’ll take that last part as character/skill development rather than a plot hole, since your inability to catch anything is what tipped Philemon off to Xena playing your decoy last season. Also, bye, sweet little family. 🥲 ❤

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Guess what! I think I may have finally defeated the bug! YAAAY! Also-also, my last post was my 250th! Yey. …Oh yeah!

Previous Season 2 FFLMs: #25 #26 #27 #28 #29

This season is so. FRUSTRATING! Halp! Just about every single plot point thus far, this episode in particular, relies on every. Single. Character! Making really dumb decisions! And/Or nonsense. Oh, why? heh Ah well. I’ll try my best to highlight moments that were actually comical to me rather than eyeroll-y. Wish me luck! 😝

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Well, actually, I just thought this confession was odd. Gabrielle’s stories come from her dreams despite her only ever fancifully describing what Xena does? In the future, the girl will repeatedly argue that she’s never authored prose before (That’s okay, GW. Leave the fic’ing up to pros like me! LOLz), so, how does the above quote work? Hmm…

Okay, this part got a good chuckle from me. Xena, being Xena, Kool-Aid-Man-smashes through a boarded up window to enter the barn or whatever. Seconds later, Gabrielle… you know, jogs in through the open doorway. 😂 That all the thugs just evacuated through, presumably in full view of our ladies, no less. Ohhh, Weenie. You da best! heheheheh

…But you really drive me crazy, sometimes, you know that? Why does almost no one else see your dumb-butt-ery and even go so far as to label Gabrielle as the dumb one? Ugh / Heh Also, let’s not even talk about what you did down in Tartarus. Siiigh…

Um, better question! Has Joxer ever seen Xena use pressure points? ’Cuz I checked, and it doesn’t seem so. Which makes her demonstration pointless, no? That’d be like if I told you from a backup account that my stalker hacked into this one and was posting as me, then tried to prove my identity to you by posting an audio recording of me singing or a handwritten note in Japanese. …Y’all never heard me sing nor saw me write in Japanese. So, what would my “evidence” do for either one of us? heh

This moment got me too. So, “Xena” here killed your leader in cold blood for goofing around. She also ordered an entire village-full of innocents to be captured and brought to this cave for slaughter (both acts by you, unnamed goon)! So… you thought, “Now’s the perfect time and place to practice my juggling!”? Wut? Why? LOLOLOLOL!

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