#ffhg

Self Portrait - Digital

2 • 10 • 2020

"Thor getting stabbed by Loki is how I feel when you take over my cooking."

"STOP TOUCHING THE CHILLI OR ILL CHANGE THE MOVIE K"

"What a snake. He even looks like one. Hes a snake."

"Elves."

"Nobody likes the Hulk. No one cares."

"You look like Loki. Wait now you look like Bucky."

Summary: Being a doctor certainly has its perks, but meeting a charming veteran as a patient’s party isn’t one that’s too common. As Bucky gets to know this world-renowned psychologist, he starts to realize that maybe being in this century isn’t all that bad. 

Words: 5,250

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Doctor!Reader

Warnings: Adult language, adult themes and inuendos, fluff

I do not own anything in that of relation to the MCU, and this writing is for entertainment purposes only. Please respect this original work and do not republish unless given written permission from me, the author.  

I carefully pressed the small metal earring into my lobe, fumbling as I slipped a small rubber back onto it to keep it in place. Once secure, I examined myself in the mirror. My stomach fluttered as I spun a bit, trying to take it in. A dark maroon dress held my figure, fanning out into a panel skirt that stopped at my knees. The sleeves were long, resting snuggly onto my wrists, the neckline dipped just enough, not showing anything off. I attempted to be a modest woman, whether or not I was going to a party. Black wedges gave me about an extra inch of height, complementing my night attire. My (hair color) hair was pulled back into a tendril twisted bun, resting at the base of my head. The earrings I had pressed in were silver and small, as not to tire my lobes. 

I grabbed a small glass bottle from my veranda, spraying a small amount of light perfume on my collar bone before taking a deep breath, taking in the scent. My head was spinning a bit at everything going on, feeling an overwhelming amount of anxiety sitting in my stomach.

It was very kind of Mr. Stark to invite me to his birthday party in the first place, but that didn’t keep me from being nervous. I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. How ironic for a psychologist to be anxious. I was well known for my counseling and studies, yet here I was - a shaking, anxious mess. I was irreconcilable.

 After a few deep breaths, I regrounded myself. I had nothing to be afraid of. I would recognize a few faces, even if I didn’t know them personally, and Tony trusted me enough to come even if we were in a professional relationship. I stood up straight, turned on my heel, and walked out of the bedroom after flicking off the light. 

I grabbed my cell phone, slipping it into my black purse along with my wallet. A car was already on its way to pick me up. I wasn’t sure what to expect with the party, so if there, for any reason I need to get a ride, I’d rather not leave my car. I had had one too many accidents in that regard. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I sat down on my couch to wait. 

Glancing at the time on the clock in my living room, I noted it was 20 minutes to 7:00 PM. Sure, I wasn’t far from Mr. Stark’s house, but being punctuate was something I stood by. If I had not chosen to take a car earlier, I would have already been at the billionaire’s house on my own. I tapped my fingers against my leg, sighing gently as I focused on relaxing. 

The apartment I sat it was quiet, being lonely at times with no one else living here. It was often silent besides the sounds of my activities or music I put on to fill that void. True, I would love to one day wake up with someone I cared about living with me, but that just hasn’t happened yet. 

It was the quiet chime of my phone that snapped me from my thoughts. I pulled out the device, glancing at it. A message from the driver, letting me know he was at the house for me. I quickly shut off the light, grabbed the small gift bag waiting by the door, stepped outside, and locked the door behind me before walking over and nodding to the driver through the window. 

I got in the backseat, not wanting to be rude by sitting up front. The man tried to glance at me through his mirror. Even though it was dark, I could see the greeting smile on his lips. “Hello! You are (Name)?” he asked. I nodded, replying with a yes. “That’s me. Thank you so much for driving me tonight,” I said, crossing my legs after buckling in. “It is no problem!” he exclaimed, clicking the car into drive and heading down the street to take me to the mansion a few minutes away. 

I was quiet, glancing out the window. I couldn’t help but think of Tony and his assistant, Pepper. They were both decently kind, although Pepper was more than Tony. He was the sarcastic type. I had actually met the billionaire through his assistant while she was at the hospital. She was trying to find a good psychologist to help him after the Battle of New York. The only issue was Tony wasn’t the type to go to appointments. But I guess I’ve never really been your usual doctor. I made time in my schedule to find Tony and sit down with him, whether that be over some food, his house with Pepper, or over the phone. True, it was a bit risky, but I didn’t have him labeled as a patient in my clinic. Yes, I treated him as one, but some laws are tricker than others.  I was slowly helping him heal his traumatized mind. We had become as friendly as a doctor with her patient could - we consider each other decent friends, and other than that we stayed very professional. While it wasn’t a complete shock that Tony had requested my presence at this party of his, I still had that lingering tug in my mind that perhaps I was taking it too far. I had messaged an attorney on the matter but had yet to hear back from him. I suppose now it is too late. 

The driver stayed silent as well, seeming to notice that I was lost in my own little world. I appreciated that. Only once did he speak, and that was to offer me water, but I declined politely. I enjoyed his company. He seemed that he would speak to me if I wanted and we could have a pleasant conversation but would be quiet if I didn’t wish it. 

It was a few minutes before we pulled into the large parking area of Tony’s mansion, to which I unbuckled and pulled out a $10 from my purse, handing it to the driver. “Thank you for your service tonight,” I said with gratitude. He insisted I needn’t tip him, but I insisted before climbing out of the car, bidding him a good, safe night and closing the door behind me. 

Looking up at the mansion, I felt a sudden chill drag up my spine. I looked around. Others were walking in, but it felt like someone’s eyes were staring into me. I rubbed my eyes, walking up the concrete pathway to the door, were two bouncers stood. I pulled out my I.D. and handed it to the one with brown hair. “Dr. (First Name) (Last Name),” I said softly. The man didn’t even confirm with his colleague before letting me in with a bit of a smile and a welcome. I took my I.D. back with a thank you and stepped inside. The feeling of eyes on me melted away quickly. 

It wasn’t nearly as crowded as I expected it to be. The party was all on one level from the looks of things, and there while there was a crowd, I expected it to look like a boy’s college party in the movies. That’s the type of guy Tony was. It eased my anxiety to see that wouldn’t be the case tonight. 

Walking over to the bar, I slid my black purse over my shoulder. A beautiful woman was standing there, wiping down the counter. Seeing me, she stops and walks over, flashing me a smile. “May I help you?” she asked. I nodded, motioning to my bag. “Is there a place I may leave this? Preferably out of prying eyes,” I added, smiling back. She really was quite pretty, with hair as red as my dress, and lips to match. She nodded, offering her hand. “I’ll place it back here. No one else will be behind the counter,” she promised me. I nodded and handed her the purse, before walking off after she left to put it away. 

I recognized a few people who chatted in the room. Tony wasn’t here, but my mind figured he must be doing something to make the party worthwhile. Pepper was chatting with a few guests, all of which stood by the piano. I was able to pick those Tony had mentioned in our meetings, as he had shown me a few photos but none of which I recognized personally. I stepped past the couch, were, from what I could see, Tony’s friend Rhody was telling a story to a small group of friends. It did not hold my interest, and I figured that it would be rude of me to just sit down and join the conversation. 

After placing the gift I had brought for Tony on a table where others were sitting, I found myself reseating myself at the bar where the pretty redheaded woman worked. She walked over, resting her elbows on the countertop as she studied me. “Not feeling the party spirit tonight?” she asked. I shrugged. “I just struggle to socialize with people I don’t know,” I said bluntly. She nodded. “Well, you’ll only know people you socialize with,” she said, pouring me a glass of ice water. I took it with a smile and a nod, to thank her.

I had taken a few sips when a gentle voice spoke up behind me. “I didn’t expect to see you here, Dr. (Last Name).” I turned, then blinked in surprise. Standing in a dark gray button-down and dark slacks was Dr. Bruce Banner. I stood, smiling as he held out his hand, taking mine gently. We shook, and I chuckled. “Dr. Banner, the pleasure is mine,” I said, looking him over. “You haven’t changed a bit,” I remarked. “Yeah, well you’re looking quite nice yourself,” he commented. 

I asked him to sit with me, and he obliged. He glanced up, then grinned at the redhead. “Hey Nat,” he said softly as she poured him a golden drink. She looked up, and the light caught her just right that I could see the faded color of green her eyes held. It only made her appear more pretty in my mind. I smiled a bit, taking another sip of the cold water she had given me. After Bruce followed my lead with his own drink, the woman motioned back and forth between us. “So, you two know each other?” She prompted. 

We nodded as I opened my mouth to explain. “Dr. Banner was kind enough to do a panel at a medical conference in Romania a few years back. I met him as I was a speaker as well, and wanted to congratulate him on his performance,” I told her. “You did a presentation on how anger can affect the mental health, if I remember right,” Banner mentioned, looking away. True, I had, but that wasn’t any poke at him. It was just an interesting study during my time. I shook my head with a quiet chuckle. “And yours was that on humanitarian services,” I reminded him, tucking away a strand of stray hair. He nods before glancing at the woman. They seemed to have a silent conversation with each other before the music picked up, and the people behind us started to whistle and call out. I turned, looking over my shoulder. 

Tony had walked in, a glass of brandy in one hand, waving with his other. His hair was a bit messy, and he wore a black button-down, hidden under a tie and vest of the same color. His glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, and he cleared his throat to get attention. I turned fully to face him to hear as I picked up this note. 

“I just wanted to thank you all, for getting up, off your sorry asses and coming to my house tonight,” he said, before throwing back what was left in his glass. Everyone, myself included, laughed. After the drink, he nods again, motioning around the room. “Now go talk to each other, I expect someone to hook up while they’re here!” he laughed. I shook my head, covering my eyes with a grin. Typical Tony. 

Standing, I excused myself from Bruce and the woman at the bar and made my way over to the host of the party. He glanced at me, then turned, crossing his arms. “Dr. (First Name) (Last Name). You actually showed up,” he sarcastically. I rolled my eyes, holding out a hand. “Happy birthday, Tony,” I said, gentle, yet sharp and to the point. He stared at me, a bit of disbelief in his eyes. But he relaxed, taking my hand and shaking it. A small smile found his lips. “Glad to see you, Doc.” His words were quiet, meant only for me to hear. I was alright with that fact. I smiled at him, squeezing his hand before letting go. “Same to you, Tony,” I told him. 

I went to open my mouth to say something when a blond man came up, clapping Tony on the back. He was quite a bit taller than Stark and well built. He was clean-shaven, and stood upright and strong, like an oak tree. He seemed to be as thick as one too. “Happy birthday, Tony,” he said. He had the type of voice that would never seem to surprise you for it to leave his mouth. Not deep, but not as high as the voice of a middle schooler would be. It fit him well. Tony looked at him, then to me. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for the sarcastic comment that would follow. But instead, Tony motioned to me. “Cap, this is Dr. (Last Name),” he said, introducing us. I held in the surprise as I held my hand to shake. “Pleasure is mine,” I claimed, smiling as charmingly as I could. He looked me over, before smiling kindly and shaking my hand. His grip was firm, dominant. While his skin was soft and kempt, his hands where rough. The kind you’d feel from someone who worked hard labor for a few years. “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am,” he said. I chuckled, lowering my hand, and turning back to Anthony. “I’ll let you socialize,” I told him, before turning on my heel to try and speak to some others. Tony called from behind “I’ll do what I want, Doc!” earning a small laugh from me. 

After making some distance between me and the birthday boy, I looked around, trying to plan my next moves. Most people were moving in closer to give birthday wishes to Tony, so I had time to myself for just the moment. Even the normally shy Banner was waiting awkwardly nearby to give his wishes as well. 

I walked over to the window, which took up the entire wall of this floor. I rolled my eyes over the ocean, that lapped lazily in the evening sky. Tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear, I sighed softly before someone took their place beside me. “You’re Dr. (Last name), then?” 

I turned to look at the figured beside me. It was Steve Rogers, or as Tony had called him earlier, “Cap.” Another face I had recognized from my meetings with the inventor. I nodded, folding my hands neatly. “Yes, that’s me,” I said with a weak laugh. I cocked my head as I looked him over, but he didn’t meet my eye. He only watched the water as I had done. “You know of me, I’m guessing?” I asked. He nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor. “He has mentioned you a bit,” he explained. I nodded, not surprised. While it was my duty to not tell anyone, not even Pepper what he said to me, I wasn’t surprised to find that Tony himself talked of our meetings to those around him. That was his choice and right, not mine. 

Steve looked over to me, smiling a bit at the corners of his mouth. I returned the favor. He sighed, looking out at the water again. “I just wanted to thank you,” he said softly. I frowned a bit, not expecting the words from him. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand,” I told him. He was quiet for a bit, his hands hiding in his pockets. 

“Tony is a good friend of mine, I believe. After what happened to him during the Battle of New York, he has been in a tough spot. You’ve helped him a lot,” he said, eyes avoiding me. My heart dropped, unsure of where to go or what to do as he continued. “I have a friend that has been traumatized, maybe even worse than Tony,” Steve’s voice quivered, but only for a second. Just enough for someone of my trade to pick up on. “I already grieve for him, and I don't want to do that for Tony. You have done something not a lot of people can do. You helped him heal,” his eyes were on me, and I took a quiet breath. In my mind, this meant the world to me in ways words couldn’t explain. But I didn’t want to lose my head. I only smiled, looking down. “You flatter me, Mr. Rogers. But a lot of his healing was on his own, too. I only am an ear, he did a lot of the work on his own,” I reminded him, remaining as humble as I could. He smirked, shaking his head as he looked over at the birthday boy. “Can’t see him doing that, but I’ll take your word for it,” he said. I laughed a bit, nodding. 

“Would you excuse me for a moment? I have something to give you,” I said after a moment. He nodded, and I walked over to Nat, or so she’s been called, at the bar. “I’m sorry for the bother, but may I see my bag? I need something from it,” I explained. She nodded, walking off before returning quickly with the black purse. 

I opened it up and dug around inside, finding what I needed. She smiled at me as she took the purse to hide it again, and I made my way back to where Steve waited, my shoes clicking softly against the slick floor. I stuck out the object, a small smile on my face. 

“Will you be kind enough to give this to your friend? If he is open to it, I would love to have a chat with him,” I explained as I handed him my business card. I hated the small plug, but I was always open to new patients and helping those who needed it. Steven took it, looking it over before slipping it into his pocket. “I’ll do that,” he confirmed. 

With that, I excused myself, trying to think of what to do next. I didn’t want to get trashed, but I didn’t want to become bored as well. ‘A drink or two wouldn’t hurt,’ I thought, making my way over to the bar. I sat down, the woman gone. I didn’t mind it, because it kept me from drinking in the first place. 

Most people were chatting again. Laughter and stories were exchanged between others, and I observed quietly. I ignored the feeling of eyes on me once again. 

Standing, I headed out to the hallway. It instantly was quieter, the music that had now kicked on becoming audibly blurry the farther from the main room I walked. I was the only person in this area, and I felt myself breathing a bit better. 

I cursed at myself as after a bit of wandering, I found myself standing out on the balcony in the night time air. It was a bit humid, and the night air was warm, a small breeze pulling at my hair. Leaning against the ledge, I glanced down at the ocean water that splashed against the cliff. If I focused past the muffled music that was playing inside, I could hear the water moving. I closed my eyes, sighing softly. It felt good to recharge, to breathe for just a moment. 

I’m not sure how long I was in my own mind before a voice yanked me out of my wandering mind. 

“Shouldn’t a nice girl like yourself be inside partying?” the voice was soft, speaking with a bit of husk. I jumped, turning towards the voice. A man was standing a few yards away, hands in his pockets. The top of his hair was pulled up into a bun, the rest resting cleanly near his shoulders. He had scruff on his jaw, looking like it was recently cleaned up. His suit was simple, no tie and a white button-down with a black v necked jacket. A small smirk danced on his lips as he watched me. 

I couldn’t help but find his smile contagious. My lips turned up, shaking my head as I looked back down. “Just needed some air,” I told him. He takes a few steps closer, his right hand finding the ledge of the balcony. “Not a big party person?” he asked, his voice softer now that he was closer. 

I shrugged, looking over at him. “Not a big stranger person, I think,” I said, a hint of uncertainty at my own answer. The answer made me want to grind my teeth. A doctor who isn’t a stranger person, how ironic. He chuckles, however, nodding in understanding. We sat in silence for a bit, just listening to the water underneath us. Pop music played, and shadows from the main room showed some people dancings, some just standing around and talking. Every once and a while the crowd inside would cheer, but still, the two of us just sat in comfortable silence. 

I stood straight up, stretching my neck a bit as I did. I turned to the stranger, smiling softly. He was easy to be around, even though I didn't know him. The warm arm was relaxed in his presence. 

“Thank you for the company, but I best head inside now.” I pat down my dress skirt a bit, smoothing out the deep red skirt. The man nodded, looking towards the door that would lead back inside. A familiar song played, slower, but still upbeat and popular. 

The man glanced back at me, his eyes sharp as they found mine. “Perhaps, you wouldn’t mind a dance first?” he asked quietly. 

I stopped looking back at him. My heart dropped a bit, surprised at the request. I hesitated but turned back to face him as a smile broke out on my face. I nodded, rubbing my arm. “I’d like that,” I said, a small huff of a laugh escaping my lips.  

He held out his hand, and my own found his. His other hand fell from his pocket, gloved in black, gently placing it on my waist. My left hand found his shoulder, giggling softly at our positioning. I listened to the song that played, slowly swaying with him as the tempo that held a steady beat. I sighed, taking note of the stranger’s scent. He wore a light cologne, one that I could tell he wore often, as there was a musky scent to it as if it was older. It was hard to place. 

I glanced up at him, taking in the sight before me a bit more. His hair was a dark shade of brown, like soil fresh with rainwater. His eyes were hard to describe. I tried to find the color, but it wasn’t one I could place. They appeared blue, but also green, and grey all at once. He had a few lines in his face that showed either stress or age. He wasn’t much taller than I was, our faces almost level. 

His eyebrows knit together as he notices me staring. “Is something the matter?” he asked, slowing our pace in our dance. I shook my head with a smile. “No, just observing. I don’t think I recognize you, yet you seem familiar,” I explained, shrugging with a soft chuckle. He cocks his head, a small huff leaving the lips that curled into a small smirk. “What are you observing?” he prompted. We had nearly stopped dancing, merely swaying on our heels slowly. “You,” I wasn’t afraid to answer, my eyes staying locked with his. “You haven’t even told me your name yet,” I told him, raising an eyebrow. He laughs again, and I follow suit, feeling his contagious, relaxed aura. 

He looks me over, spinning me a bit while the music changes to a bit slower of a tempo. “You first,” he said playfully, pulling me back into his chest. I rolled my eyes but answered. “(First Name) (Last Name).” I looked to his gloved hand before looking back to the stranger, my eyebrow raising again for an answer to his name. He slowed down so we were no longer dancing. “Bucky Barnes,” he introduced. I nodded, tucking away a stray hair of my own behind my ear. “Its a pleasure,” I told him. He shook his head, his smile returning. “It’s mine, Doll,” he said. His eyes flicked behind me to where the party played out. It was growing quieter, and it hit me. How long had I been out here? 

I shivered a bit and rubbed my arms as I looked to him. “It really was a pleasure, Bucky, but I think it may be time to take my leave,” I said apologetically. He nodded, offering his arm to me. I chuckled, looping my arm through and following him through a set of doors and down a quiet hallway. We could still hear the party, but it was faint. We were quiet as we walked, the only sound being our steps echoing in the corridors we floated through. It didn’t take long to find the front doors. I went to thank him but gasped. 

“Shit, I left my purse inside,” I glanced down at myself, my cheeks growing warm. He chuckled, leading me inside just behind the doors. “Wait here, I can go grab it for you. Where did you leave it?” he asked. I bit my lip. “At the bar with the waitress,” I told him. “It’s alright, Mr. Barnes, I can go grab it,” I said, grabbing his jacket sleeve. He shook his head, saying nothing as he turned on his heel and walked off. I frowned, following his steps. “Really? That’s it?” I asked, feeling my heart tug. He stops, looking down at me in confusion. “What?’’ 

“You are just gonna walk off like that?” I asked, in disbelief. He raised an eyebrow, looking down the hall, then back at me. “If you really don’t want me to get your purse for you I won’t,” he said softly. My face flushed in warmth. My mouth was agape, not expecting that answer. 

He motioned towards the party, which had grown louder with us walking near. “You can grab it if you really want, Doll. I was just trying to be nice.” and with that, he turned on his heel, intending to walk off. Before I could think, my hand was on his arm again. 

“No, Bucky, that isn’t...I’m sorry, that wasn’t it,” I said rashly, pursing my lips. He turned, looking me over, his eyes asking for an explanation. 

“I...thought you were just walking off. You had come off as rude, and I wasn’t going to stand to it. But I was in the wrong. Your gesture is very kind, thank you. But I am so sorry for the assumption.” My eyes fell to the floor, my hand letting him go as I spoke. I flinched when, after a moment of silence, he walked away. 

Great job, (Last name). You’re really batting a thousand today. 

I rubbed my face, sighing. I really nailed that one. He was cute, too. That couldn’t have gone any worse, really. 

I was about to just grab my things and go when footsteps came towards me. I looked up, and suddenly my blood ran cold in the sudden surprise. Bucky walked over, holding out my black back. “No hard feelings?’ he asked softly. 

I stared at it for a split second, before taking it and slinging it over my shoulder, eyes darting up to his face. I smiled softly. “None at all,” I confirmed. 

“You know, I don’t really know how things work in this day and age,” he started. I snorted a bit, trying to hold in a laugh as I nodded at him to continue his thought. He looked me over, biting his lip a bit. My heart dropped in my stomach as my breathing fluttered, my head heavy at the sight. I tried to brush it off as I listened to his words. 

“A while back,’’ he started carefully,  “you’d have to arrive on a girl’s doorstep with flowers and ask her daddy’s permission to take her out for the night and have her home just after dusk. I don't think that is the case anymore,” he laughed, closing his eyes at the thought and memory. I grinned, liking the where his words were taking us. 

“So I guess what I’m trying to say is...if I can ask to take you out one of these nights?” he asked, opening his eyes with a shy look. I played with my fingers, looking down, but I nodded with a wide smile. I looked back up at him, nodding again. “I would like that, Mr. Barnes,” I told him. He grinned, stuffing his hands in his pockets as we went quiet. I pulled out my phone, opening it and handing it to him. The keypad waited for a phone number to be entered. Taking it, Bucky stared at the device for a moment before glancing at me, then back at the phone and slowly typing in his number, a small muttered “okay,” as he did. 

After saving the contact, I let my driver know to pick me up. I slipped my phone back into my bag, taking a deep breath. I adjusted my hair but stood up straight as Bucky followed my lead. I walked to the front doors with him in tow, before turning to him. “Thank you for the dance,” I said. He nodded, then reached out and grabbed my hand, slowly bringing it to his lips.  “Thank you for your attention,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. After a small kiss was left on the back of my hand, he stepped back to give me space. My cheeks were flushed, blinking in surprise. I couldn’t contain the childish smile on my face. 

I just felt like I should put it out there because I know some people were really worried and I just think this is the easiest way to get it out. 

I recently was in the hospital getting screened for brain cancer. 

And today I was cleared, and I am okay. 

We still don’t know what is going on or why I am in pain so much, but we are working with my doctor to get the issue fixed. They did lots of testing including scans and such, and, in doctor’s words: “Your MRI came out great! Not, perfect, but really good!”