#fffffdaskglhag

I admit, I’m kind of twisting in the wind over Jormag. I’m very emotionally invested, I know. I admit, part of it is because I’m Otherkin and I just have this deep-seated love for dragons of all kinds. I love Aurene too. Another part of it is that I’m Welsh which means that I have this cultural love for dragons on top of everything (Celts <3 Dragons). The final piece is in how my partner is versed in therapy and how much they’ve used it to help me with my anxiety and panic attacks.

On top of that? Anyone who’s tried it knows that hypnotism can be one of the most relaxing and comforting experiences a person can have. I mean, perhaps outside of drugs but they tend to be outside of my sphere of experience and I’m not inclined to find out how drugs would interact with my autistic brain. Anyway, hypnosis is a nice and helpful thing and I’m a bit tired of it always being portrayed as so evil.

As such, a kindly dragon of therapy who uses their hypnosis powers for kindness is really close to everything I have ever wanted out of a piece of entertainment. GW2 is dangerously close to being my favourite game.

It’s not that I identify as a dragon or anything. If anything, I’d choose to be a werewolf. I don’t have designs of grandeur for my own mind when it comes to ancient wisdom and knowledge. I mean, I know some draconic Otherkin seem to be wise beyond their years so I won’t doubt their calling but it isn’t mine. I am, however, very fond of dragons. They’re a comfort zone, a safe space.

Aurene is definitely a safe space, in a way. I really dig her. It’s nice in Guild Wars 2 sometimes to just relax around Aurene, it feels good. Shrug.

I’ve said before that my Otherkin-ness is a coping mechanism. It’s how I deal with stuff. I’ve experienced a lot of bad things that I wouldn’t wish on anyone else. I’ve known torture, abuse, and harm well beyond what a lot of people should want to have to. It’s hard to believe in the good of humanity sometimes because of what I’ve endured. Dragons, though? I can believe in the good of dragons.

It’s strange because Guild Wars 2 has been an oddly healing experience for me. Whereas the Nazis of Guild Wars 2 seem to be rabidly against the charr, for me it’s been the opposite. Seeing the interactions of the Pact and Vigil humans with the charr has made me feel more at ease around my own species. It’s hardly undoing all of the emotional scars I have, but it does help.

That’s why I wonder how much of it is intentional.

Guild Wars 2 has helped me and continues to. There’s so much of it I relate to. This is why I’m so invested in the mental and emotional health of all of the characters. They all have their traumas and... well, their torments, yes.

I got invested in this game because of that. It’s why I feel that to just have Jormag turn around and be this reductivist, moustache-twirling villain would be the worst thing they could do. It would be a betrayal of everything they have done up until this point. I guess my worry is that what they’ve done up until this point is coincidental and that I’m reading too much into it?

They gave me a sparkly, opalescent beacon of hope dragon that taps into young girl horse fantasies though so it’s difficult to not read a lot into it.

I haven’t been this invested in something for years. Arrrghh!!!

It’s the emotional investment that’s doing it.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this iis why Jormag has something of a following. I feel that most people wouldn’t be shameless enough to admit the why of it, though. I get that. Me? I’m old enough to be done with shame. I’m not done with guilt, of course. I need that. Even if my guilt can drive me nuts with invasive thoughts, I still value it, I’m not sociopathic. It’s just that with a sociopathic mind, shame can be the only way they ever feel bad about doing something wrong. I’m autistic, not sociopathic, so I don’t need shame. I can be shameless. I don’t care.

At this point? Shame is boring, so sod it.