#feu-follet

2014 - Golden Child Emperor: impressing everyone with your youth and talent, you get sweet kisses from Teutonic titwillow Daniel Brühl.

2015 - Problématique Fève: sitting with the cool kids at the jury table, openly lusting for Jake Gyllenhaal in the most cringe-inducing ways

2016 - Cyberbullying Martyr Icon: facing the most disproportionate and weirdly petty backlash since that time Lana was on SNL, having a meltdown under the perplexed gaze of Mads Mikkelsen

2019 - Forgotten and Ignored: going through a slump, but this time you can't even get anyone to care :(

2023 - Monstre Sacré: going back to universal acclaim, newly annointed short king of la croisette with a Palme d'or-winning Canadian AU self-insert remake of Phantom Thread about a high maintenance artist with mommy issues who encounters a country boy (Orville Peck) who becomes his lover and muse.

Jesus this is art. If only Xavier Dolan were as talented, amirite

Idk though, is it not the entire arc that's devastatingly relatable? Like what's more poignant than starting out as the enfant terrible of the Croisette, getting universal critical acclaim even though at least one of the Coen brothers hates you, getting into an embarrassing internet fight with the same reviewers a few years later as they inexplicably turn on the same material they praised earlier, being inadvertently mocked by Mads Mikkelsen, never really recovering aside from Julia Roberts Cartier commercials and Adele music videos? Is this literally not the human condition?

Isn't "fandom" by definition insane? Like you would never want to confuse being a fan of something with being in its fandom.

I do feel like the SPN Elders who couldn't make it past season 6 passed on the baton of weirdness but not one of managed expectations. Like, in our day, people got upset when Misha Collins physically came between Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki on stage, destroying the sanctity of their pure love for each other. But that was such a "what happens in Vegas" thing! Who would have ever talked about this outside of livejournal? And then younger people started watching the show and they didn't realize that it was made by the kind of old people who thought both Wincest and normal gay relationships were the same kooky type of thing that you can make a meta joke about but that nobody would actually expect to happen, right? And so they actually had realistic expectations for Dean and the angel guy, and were furious when their Gen Z standards didn't match up with the result delivered by a show deeply rooted in millennial misery zeitgeist. And also not for nothing but I had to explain to my mother who is in her 60s what "Destiel" means because she read it on the actual stupid news.

The guy who wrote the Casey Affleck movie? I didn't know that was his moniker. Not for nothing, but Dostoevsky has THE shittiest writing style, and I first said this when I was 17 in a paper on Crime and Punishment and my teacher was like, "Citation???" and I was all, "Do you want me to cite the entire book...?" He's an overwrought hysterical bitch in Russian AND in English, it's amazing

So in order for this to work it has to be an AU where I’m a beautiful lithe part-time model from Vladivostok who hates fame and only wishes to be voted off, no matter how much the Chinese/international audience loves me (which is so much). So just take that for granted. I would perform:

1. A really dispirited cover of “Montero” where I give a subpar lapdance to not even the devil but an embarrassing lower-ranking resident of hell, like Antonin Scalia

2. An extremely spirited, sexy high energy pop cover of “All Apologies” by Nirvana

3. A reasonably-spirited (not too much of a downer for people to officially complain, but there’s something definitely off about it) rendition of La Marseillaise

4. A musical interlude where I just play Danse Macabre on a violin strung with rats’ tails (I don’t know much about music but I assume this is possible)

a) do it

b) say 'no, you're too young and this is bad for you'

c) be like

d) tell them 'never let anyone make you believe vaping is cool' and buy them a pack of cigarettes

You know, I haven’t heard the recent developments in this case, but I was there when people on tumblr first tried to reclaim her and others were like “she’s literally a blood bitch” and I definitely lean towards the latter while recognizing that probably some of her more grotesque crimes were embellished or outright invented.