#fetzima

Today I talked to my psychiatrist. I haven’t talked to him in 3 years.

He was okay today. He said he agrees with the Schizophrenia diagnosis because the psych testing doesn’t lie and said it’s hard to fake the diagnosis. It’s because the testing has validity scales.

He increased my Clozaril from 450mg to 500mg. He said he wants me on Clozaril. He said we’ve tried many medications in the past and that I’ve responded well to the Clozaril.

I told him I had movement problems in the past. He said he thinks the Olanzapine is a culprit for the movement problems. He said if the movement problems come back with the higher dose (of Clozaril ), we can try something else for the movement. I’m glad he said if the movement problems come back that we can try a different movement medication.

We talked about my school and family and friends. We talked about how I struggled with school and dropped out. I told him I’m seeing my friends tomorrow and that my family and I are getting along better than the last time we talked 3 years ago. I told him I plan to go to college for pharmacy assistant course.

I told him last year (2020) I spent two months in the hospital and was started on Clozaril. I said the doctors there said I had Schizophrenia and Dr. E agreed with the diagnosis before she left to work at a different place.

He said he doesn’t want to wait too long to talk to me again so he made an appointment at December 17th at 1pm via phone. He said he’s not able to meet patients in person at the hospital yet. So 4 weeks away.

Later I had 5 fried chicken wings w/ chipotle ranch, and followed it up with my disgusted yet patented triple decker Pb & j. 3918/3590. It was a bad day.

Met with my psychiatrist, the scale there said I was 499.8. I was baffled but didn’t let myself count it as my true number since Monday I weighed in at 502.0. I told her that I stopped taking my Rexulti because I felt it was increasing my appetite. We had a pretty tense back and forth, she did not think it was the Rexulti. But said we could try abilify but it might have the same effect. I declined. Offered to reduced the Rexulti, I declined. Offered to switch my fetzima to something else, I decline. It was a rollercoaster.

She finally convinced me on the reduced dosage and switch to taking it at night. I’m not particularly pleased with this but I’m willing to give it a go for the next two weeks. The issue is that once I stopped the Rexulti my depression increased 10 fold, and it obviously showed in that session.

I just wanted to post an update since I’ve been lacking in that area.

Honestly, I feel so good right now. I feel really happy and am more active and engaging in life more than the past while. I had my medication increases a couple weeks ago and things are improving. I’m not having many symptoms and I’m thankful for that.

I am still doing my weekly Clozapine blood draws. I had one today. It still sucks but it’s okay. I also pick up my Clozapine every week as well.

I was supposed to talk to my doctor this week but the date of my appointment was a day where she wasn’t in office. I have an appointment booked for early April. I spoke to a nurse and she said she’ll write in my file that the Clozapine increases has been helpful. She said if I need to have a sooner appointment to call the office and to talk to a nurse and see if a psychiatrist appointment is necessary.

Today I was picking up my medication from the pharmacy and I ran into an old friend. We had a falling out in October. I didn’t talk to her for months. But we talked a bit on the phone today and apologized to each other. We are now friends again. I’m glad for that. I really was missing her. She’s struggling, which makes me sad. But she’s hoping ECT will help her with her Bipolar Disorder. I hope it helps her too. She deserves that.

I also mentioned this briefly but my family doctor said I have IBS-C. I got prescribed a medication for it. He said it’ll take a few weeks for it to work. He said if it doesn’t work after a few weeks, we’ll have to try something else.

I might ask my friend if she wants to hang out. Her Birthday is in a couple weeks. I miss her too. I like hanging out with her. But her cat is an asshole so hopefully he doesn’t bite too much. She said he’s getting worse with his biting.

For the past few weeks I’ve been doing CBT-p group for people with psychosis. I think this week is our last week. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself and how to cope with my Schizophrenia. It wasn’t like talk therapy, it was more focused on learning skills. The social workers are so nice. It’ll suck not being able to talk to them once the program is over.

I feel like my Schizophrenia symptoms are mostly managed. I still have cognitive problems and negative symptoms. But the positive symptoms are less and mostly managed. I feel really good. I think the Olanzapine and Clozapine work well.

Friday I talk to Dr. E (my psychiatrist). I hope she doesn’t increase the Clozapine.

Meds

Clozapine 400mg

Fetzima 120mg

I met with my psychiatrist today.This is how it went.

I told her the voices are severe and so are my other symptoms. She suggested the hospital and I said I didn’t want to go. Then she asked me at what point would I go. I said I’d only go if I was suicidal and couldn’t keep me safe. She said if the paranoia and symptoms get too overwhelming that the hospital would be a good idea. I said I’m not going. She also asked if the voices are the worst they’ve ever been this year and I said yes.

My doctor told me that she heard back from the other doctor and they said that they’re too busy and that they have limited resources. My psychiatrist said that they tried to get me into the 1st Step program for psychosis. My psychiatrist said that I didn’t get accepted because of the restrictions and qualifications. She said I don’t meet the criteria for the program because I’ve had schizophrenia for years and not in my fist episode.

My psychiatrist said that she’s reaching out to the FACTT team to see about helping me to get on Clozapine. My psychiatrist still thinks Clozapine is what I need. So she’s hoping that this team can see me and connect me to someone who can prescribe Clozapine. My psychiatrist said she doesn’t think she has enough experience with Clozapine and would feel better if someone else started me on it.

Because I’m doing so shitty, my psychiatrist increased my Invega dose to 12mg. She said we could have lowered it, but my friends think it needed to be increased so I said we could try increasing it. She said we’ll have to wait and see within in a month to see if it’ll help. She thought that the Invega was making me worse and I said I didn’t think it was making me worse because I’ve taken it before and didn’t get this bad.

She said she hopes that school goes well this week and that I’m able to keep up with school. I explained that I’m going to use my planner to keep up with all the due dates and stuff. My doctor thought that was a good idea. 

I told her I wasn’t going back to the city until next week. I said my dad was in so much pain that he resorted to using a cane. I wish I could help him, but I can’t. She said that once I get back to the city it might make getting into a routine easier because the other girls will be there and because they’ll be studying and doing school as well.

Anyway, that my appointment in a nutshell.

We meet again next week.

Meds

Yesterday I had a video call with my psychiatrist. This is how it went.

She heard back from the psychosis program. They wanted me to go back and see my previous doctor. I told my psychiatrist that I didn't feel like he listened to me. She said she would look for different supports in the city where I go to school and see if someone she knows would meet with me for a second opinion on medication and further treatment. She said that the person she has in mind is connected to a bunch of different resources in the city so she would try to talk to them.

I told her that the voices have died down a lot since starting Invega with the Seroquel XR. She said she's glad there's a reduction in symptoms and she's keeping medication where it is to make sure there's no side effects by jumping up in dose too fast.

My doctor said she will keep seeing me, but she just wanted a second opinion on medication and treatment. She said she does believe I have Schizophrenia.

I told her that I had really bad dry mouth. She said that dry mouth is side effect of the side effect medication (Cogentin). So she said hard candies and mouth sprays can help keep saliva going. I told her I planned to get some to help because the dry mouth is horrible.

My doctor said she would talk to another psychiatrist she knows to see what supports there are for me in the city. And to get a second opinion for medication and treatment. She said she’ll look for other supports for me in the city.

I’m feeling a lot better since the Invega. It’s been a week of taking it and I already have benefit. Each day the symptoms get even more quiet. I have quiet voices the past couple days. It’s weird. I just have to keep taking the medication and not stop it like I’ve done in the past.

Meds

Fetzima 120mg

Seroquel 75mg

Seroquel XR 800mg

Invega 3mg

Cogentin 2mg

I’ve been doing really well lately. The voices have completely resolved since my dose of Olanzapine/Zyprexa has reached 40mg. I did see some things, but they didn’t bother me.

My doctor is glad to hear I’m doing better. She even said that after I’m stable for a few weeks then we can consider lowering the Quetiapine/Seroquel . I’m super happy about that.

I had an ECG done last Friday and she said my heart rhythms are all normal. She was glad for that.

I’m just really glad the voices are gone for now. I’m able to focus better at school and that’s a really great thing.

Meds

Fetzima 120mg

Seroquel 50mg

Seroquel XR 300mg

Zyprexa 40mg