#feidlimid rambles

I can probably indulge a better picture of what that dynamic is like/why I’m crushing a little, though. I’m not invested because of their relationships status, distance, and the lack of time behind us knowing each other, which ultimately anchors the flirting against turning into pining. Yup, we flirt, fairly often, mostly playful or jesting - but there’s been enough vulnerable and serious moments for me to like actually care about and trust this person. Okay, I take it back - I am invested, but not romantically. I also go back in forth imagining whether we’d be that compatible in reality - but that’s not to say I haven’t tried to imagine it.I mean, it’s happened before where for some reason I find it attractive that someone I kinda look up to is affectionate/flirty, has a biting but honest wit, and is a wonderful listener and advisor. (Actually, now that I think about it, there’s even physical similarities between this and an old crush). However, in the case currently and as in the past, the feelings I’ve caught from this sort of crush are mild (especially when compared to my other interests). …also…I think it might be important, Anon, to sort of clarify that for me a “crush” is distinct from “someone I actually want to date…” For me, a crush is someone I could see myself dating, and someone who gives me butterflies due to my attraction, but that’s different from my interests. Sorry if that’s confusing :/

I’m trying to organize things into tags, add pages for them, and post some of my OWN ART FOR ONCE even if it is old (ha) so go take a look and thanks for the boost!

(Original asks)

Today I was driving home listening to "Derse Dreamers" from the Prospit and Derse Homestuck album with the window rolled down. As I stop at a stoplight, there's a fairly young-looking dude, maybe late thirties, sitting on a bucket with a cardboard sign, asking the queued cars for help. Awkward: with nothing to give, I avoid eye contact for awhile, but only send a brief smile his way to acknowledge him. The problem is I'm right in line with where he's sitting. He turns to me and says something, and I turn down my music and tilt my head out the window to hear him ask again: "Is that Aphrodite?" I'm a bit surprised, so I fumble on my words a bit, but manage to get out something about it being a Homestuck album. But then something magical happens. We converse. In the single minute I was waiting at a stoplight, I learn that this man used to listen to experimental music, likes the bass, and matured into different genres. I learn he has an air of casual wisdom, and is respectful, and unassuming. I learn he misses his youth, and is acutely aware of time. I learn this even though our conversation was simple: Him: "Is this Aphrodite?" Me: "-uh, er no, it's - it's Homestuck, who produces it, uh" Him: "I like the bass." *pause* Me: "Sorry, I have nothing to give, no money, no food..." Him: "Oh, a smile is more than enough" Me: "Well, I can contribute that!" (I smile) *short pause* Me: "Do you listen to this kind of music?" Him: "I used to, when I was younger." Me: "Yeah, this is kind of a new phase for me, just got into experimental" Him: "Enjoy it [for this time], well, you will!" Me: "I certainly am. Have a nice day!" (as the light turns green) That's it. That's all it takes. Why does that one minute stick with me hours after the event? For a minute, that man wasn't a beggar. He was an artist. He someone I was meeting at a coffee shop, or at school, or in line at Target, someone with the same taste in music, someone who was intrigued by me, someone who intrigued me, someone who could talk and ask and answer. He was a person. Too often we ignore the people on the margins. We avert our eyes, assume the worst, or feel ashamed for not giving, or pity their misfortune, or judge their poor life choices. We see the present, but need look at their past, or even consider their future. We never open up to find anything beyond surface appearance. We wouldn't want anyone to assume the worst of us, to shut us out when we make ourselves vulnerable. Maybe we can't know where the money we give goes, or if they're honest. But how hard is it to donate a smile, or some kind words? What harm can come of rolling down your car window, clearly visible and safe by merit of all those witnesses (not to mention doors and an easily facilitated getaway), and treating someone like a person? The next time you see someone on a street corner, asking for help, please: send them a smile, then say something, anything, to them. "I hope you have great day" "Keep pushing forward" "Best wishes" "Take care" It won't be easy. It may feel forced, or unsafe, but driving away is the most refreshing thing, because you just made a difference. You proved to them that someone cares about them, not just their socioeconomic status. And that feeling is worth it, trust me. Everyone is worthy of their story. Don't ignore that essential, intrinsic, human part of anyone.