Today I had one those days, when it's just terrible and I realised that I'm not normal and not in a good way. My life is a joke! I spend years on degree and now that I'm trying to get a job, it feels like a waste, not because it was a worthless degree because I can't interact with people normally. I literally cried in the middle of two interviews in a row. The interviews were nice about but ultimately they were thinking there is no way I'm hiring someone so emotionally unstable. I have no close friend or friends I can even hang out with. If I want to do some or go somewhere it's always alone. Today, I went two social events and pretty much didn't interact with anyone above saying hi and thank you and that kind of stuff. When people try to have a conversation with it is so awkward because I can never think of anything to say except to answer something which is usually brief and sometimes a lie because I don't people knowing all the lame stuff into or too old for. I'm in my mid twenties, biggest crybaby ever, still love kids cartoons, read young adult romance novels, interested in d&d but don't know anyone to play with, writing a lame fantasy story with THE worst writing anyone has ever seen, loves apparently the worst of the final fantasy franchise (10, 12 and 13), want to give people cards that look like a child made it because she feels it has more meaning to it (not that she has anyone other her family to give it to), continues to work on drawing despite never getting an better at it and lastly making poor salsa and bachata lead put up with me the most confused and graceless follower ever. I would never tell anyone this because I don't feel close enough to anyone but no one know who I am on Tumblr so I'm venting all out here. There are probably a bunch of grammatical errors in this be for once I don't care. I'm so tired of hiding everything that I'm scared that people wouldn't like about but I don't know how to pretend to be a person people would want to hang out with and I rather have people thought was boring then reject me for who I am. I'm literally crying as I am writing this... I'm just so lonely but I love myself. I sometimes say I hate myself but if did I won't won't spoil myself sweets or books. I don't change myself because I love the me that love the lame stuff I do and keeps trying to get better at art, dancing, writing and getting a job. I at least have myself. However I don't always get to say what I want, so I imagine in the future I will be posting more stuff I just want to say but have no one to say it to. Maybe rants, more venting, thing a find great or whatever I need to get out of my system. I honestly don't care if anyone reads this by writing and posting has made me feel more at peace.

#wellrested #feelingatpeace #blessingscounted #timeforsomeaction #wheelsofsteel #peacetrainnyc god bless all. 🙏❤️✌️☮️🚊🚂🚂🚂🚂🚂🚂 (at Van Cortlandt Park – 242nd Street (IRT Broadway – Seventh Avenue Line)) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqDhiBvHFraoeYV9zP5gYuCUPtnWJysPyFZiro0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1g11ddoi5yb1n

So nice to know I have absolutely nothing to do today. #doodle #feelingatpeace #layinglow (at Bloomington, Minnesota)

Little bit different today. Just done my gratitude list looking back on the day and away to do some relaxation meditation before I go to sleep. #tanyasforeverlove #healthandwellness #meditation #greatful #feelingatpeace