#feelallofit

Got me out here using protection. #notaboutthislife #missitraw #ijustwannafeelit #feelallofit #itookitforgranted #goodoldays #firstdayback #iaintpullingout #oxygen #mines https://www.instagram.com/p/CH9g0dUgOiU/?igshid=levgnn31bsw8

I just got home from NYC. Spent the night in the airport. Delay after delay. The work trip was fantastic. It was so important and tons of fun to connect with my team, our actors and our project. Some thing painful, unconnected to HSH, happened near the end of the trip. It left me feeling vulnerable. I cried in the airport bathroom as Postal Service played over the loud speakers. Seriously dude? Postal Service at the airport? Fuck you JFK! I don’t cry like that now that I’m sober. Tears generally only come during heart practice meditations for me. Though I don’t cry often these days, I won’t stop myself when it does happen. The body knows what it needs. This morning, I walked into my home and the tears came again. My cathedral. On Temple. It’s where we worship. It’s sacred. The colors from my paintings wafted towards me. Greeting me like a florid scent. There’s no other place I want to be. Home. I feel blessed to have a home. A safe place where I know my paintings, books, journals and floggers will be waiting for me. That’s just stuff. It doesn’t matter. Safety is what matters. This place gives me a sense of that. I know it’s an illusion. I also know internal versus external. I know safety and freedom aren’t dependent on my copy of Jane Eyre. I’m also keenly aware that I have a place to go while so many people are not safe, secure or at ease. So many others do not have a hide away. I am grateful. Grateful for this sense of sanctuary. Grateful that my heart is soft enough to acknowledge its needs, and that I’ve learned how to live in discomfort without shutting it down. Grateful I got to embarrass others in public at the airport with my tears, and I was unfazed! So rad. Stoked it had nothing to do with booze or pills. I’m feeling so many things today. Boredom is not one of them! This will change too. Everything does. That makes me so happy. #safenottame #sanctuary #riseabove #feelallofit #grateful #notonmyperiod #notpms #choosehappiness #temple #artchangeseverything