#february18

The lecture was incredibly boring. He’d done the reading, but he didn’t pay it much attention, so he didn’t really have a lot to contribute to the discussion. His notes quickly turned to doodles and he found himself pondering his dream again. Why would he dream that? Was the world trying to remind him how shitty of a person he was? It was almost painful to think about how much of a dick he had been back then. Although his friends hadn’t helped. They’ve mellowed out a lot too. He was jarred out of his thoughts by the slapping of a book being slammed shut “Kyungsoo! Would you care to join the conversation?” His eyes widened in panic. He didn’t know where they were in the conversation anymore. “Uuuuhhhh. Sorry, could you repeat the question?” The teacher merely rolled his eyes and went back to his lecture and discussion. Heat rose in his cheeks. Busted on the first day. Perhaps grad school was going to be harder than undergrad.

He exited the classroom in a hurry, eager to escape the embarrassment of making eye contact with one of his peers who had witnessed it and avoiding the professor’s gaze. In his rush he slammed into some one. They stumbled a bit and looked up at him. The eyes from his dream met his glance. She quickly melted back into the crowd and he was left, stunned in the crowded hallway.  What was the world coming to? It’s like it had given him a warning that he would see her again. He scoffed at himself for even having the thought. He made it through his next class without event and made his way to grab some food before settling in to do some reading.

As he stood in line at the small café, he saw her again. Sitting in a corner table. She sat, head leaned close to her computer and she was typing. Her brow furrowed. Her hair was loose and draped down her shoulders. She reached up to brush a strand back behind her shoulder and went back to furiously typing. He grabbed his drink and food and practically bolted from the café, in a desperate search for somewhere to be where she wouldn’t. He stumbled across a small pond with a bench. It was shaded by a tree but there were sunny patches as well. He sat on the ground and munched his lunch while reviewing the reading for his next class.

Time slipped by and when he checked his phone he had mere minutes to get to his next class. He hurriedly packed up his things and practically sprinted to class. He arrived, only slightly winded and found there was only one seat left. He quickly and quietly took the seat. Taking no heed to those around him. The professor was lecturing already, but it seemed he had just started. He pulled out his note pad so that he could actually take notes. A few moments later he received a soft tap on his shoulder. He looked up and found himself staring at her eyes again. She looked down and he followed her gaze. There was a sign in sheet. He quickly signed it and passed it along.

He was once again flustered, and now completely distracted. He was still trying to take notes but it wasn’t going well anymore. He tore off a small piece of paper and wrote a small note. You’re Kyla right? And he slid it over to her. She looked up at him, eyes questioning. She read it. Slid it back to him and simply turned away. He was a bit perplexed until he followed her gaze down to the interpreter at the front of the room. Of course, she was trying to pay attention to the lecture as well. He would try at the end of class.

When the professor wrapped up he slid the note to her again and just kind of nodded dumbly at it. She aggressively flipped it over and began to write quickly. What do you want Do Kyungsoo? Would you like to torment me some more?” She slapped it back on the table in front of him as she stormed out of the room. He watched her walk away in dumbfounded silence and shock.

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The weeks passed. She endured the awkwardness of sitting next to him 3 times a week in class. She was doing the best in that class purely because she used the excuse of watching her interpreter as an excuse to ignore him and not look at him. He tried often. Little notes, she noticed he frequented the same café as her as well now. She wasn’t really sure what she wanted, but she wasn’t going to speak to him. Not after he was horrible to her for so many years. Although she had to admit that his perseverance was endearing. She wasn’t sure why he would be making such an effort though. He seemed better, less awful, less rude, less spiteful. But she wasn’t really sure she could forgive him. He’d made fun of her deafness, her use of sign language, her inability to speak, her need for an interpreter, everything. And of course the bike. Always with the bike. How stupid she was for riding on gravel and flipping it.

Truth be told, he did help her that day. She was certain he didn’t understand her signs. But a soft side of him did help her to her house so she could be taken care of. Maybe the good had come out in him after all.

Class today was particularly boring, the professor was off on a tangent and the poor interpreter had to sign all of it. She felt a tap on her arm and turned to give Kyungsoo a glare. She saw him sign please, and did a double take. She glanced back at her interpreter, and back to Kyungsoo. He signed please again.

“Ok” she signed.

“Ok.” He signed back. “Sorry I was dumb before. You are a good person, and I’m sorry. Please take my sorry.” She giggled a little. His signs were sloppy and there was no grammar. But he tried and that was shocking to her.

“Really?” she signed.

And he was only able to respond saying he didn’t understand. But she was still touched. Perhaps Kyungsoo wasn’t so much of an asshole any more. She grabbed a piece of paper and began to write.

“Do you really mean it?”

“Yes. Really. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry my signs were so bad. I practiced all week, but they were probably still bad.”

“They were okay. Definitely room for improvement.”

“Will you teach me?”

The question threw her off. Her pen hovered over the paper. Why would he want to learn? What did it matter to him. You weren’t friends, so he wouldn’t need to talk to you really. He slid the paper back to himself and began writing again.

“That was random. I know. I’m sorry. Aish... I guess I have to confess... I think you’re amazing. You’re beautiful and smart, no, brilliant. I hope we can be friends... if not more? I want to make up for how awful I was to you. Please teach me?”