#feb242012

Shad: Yes, but i want better.

I still don't want to believe na wala na ang Umpe ko. Pero nung si mommy na ang nagsabi everything, every hope na natitira, and yung gusto ko paniwalaan na niloloko lang nila ako... Lahat yun nawala na parang bula. Ang daya. Sobrang daya. Ang sakit isipin na i will never see her again. Hindi ko pa nga nagagawa kahit sa mga promises ko sa kanya. Ang dami ko pang tanong at gustong malaman tungkol sa kanya. Paano na ako ngayon? Paano ko pa yun magagawa? Mag-isa na lang ako. This time totoo na talagang mag-isa na ako. Wala na akong kakampi at tagapagtanggol. Wala na magpaparamdam na mahal na mahal nya ako at ako ay maganda din. Wala na yung magiging proud sa akin. Wala na akong Umpe. Wala na. Ang sakit sakit. Hindi pa ako handa at hindi ko din alam kung maaaccept ko ba talaga na wala na sya. Umpe, i am sorry. Sorry na hanggang sa huli wala ako sa tabi mo. Sorry na mas pinili ko na pumunta dito at iwan ka diyan mag-isa. Sorry na pinabyaan kita. Patawarin mo ako ha. Huwag ka magagalit sa akin. Huwg ka din magtatampo. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita. At kahit anong mangyari nag-iisa ka lang sa buhay ko. Ikaw at ako lang. Tayo lang dalawa. Always and forever.

She left me. She left me. She left me. It is so unfair! I wish everything did not happened. It is all too much. I do not know if i can still make it because the only person who loves me left me. I will never get to see her, talk to her, hug her, kiss her. She didn't me a chance to let her know how much i love her. She left me. I wasn't able to tell her that i miss her so much and that i really love her. I wasn't able to see her for the last time. I wasn't to say my sorry. She left me. I am so afraid right now. I do not know what i should do now. I only want to be with her. I wanna go to Philippines right now. I want to bring stop the time andgo back to the past when we were still together. Unlike now, there is nothing left for me. She left me. I still have a lot of things to tell her. I still have plans i want to do to make her happy. I still want to see her, hear her laugh or even yell at me, talk to her before we sleep, eat her food, feel how much she loves me. But i don't think it is still possible. She left me now. I am alone now. We lost her battle. I am so angry at myself for not being there for her until the last time. I am so useless. I hate myself for not doing anything for her. What's the use of crying if i can't see her anymore?! What is the meaning of living this life when the reason is already gone? Tell me what i should do after this. What should i do when she left me already???