#feb 07

Feb 07, 2026. Saturday

Scared

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I worked that day and got out at 7. I remember Josh asked if he could come over but i regretted it cuz i forgot that he leaves late. And i had a study and my part of the art trade to do, so i regretted it. When my dad came home from work we went to Goodwill cuz my mom likes good will, and i found this journal called "should I quit?"

It was giving Steward so i opened it to a random page and it landed on that one.

I checked out 11/12 of those things. Im starting to think maybe i should quit my job. Like frfr, especially cuz its hurting me physically a LOT now that I think about it.

AND THEN WHEN I FINALLY LET MY GAURD DOWN-

Usually, when i go somewhere, i am almost always scared im gonna see someone ik because the twins always seemed to know where i was and what i was doing, and even would look at me through my window, so i got pretty paranoid and still am.

But sometimes after a few months, cuz last time was probably like 4 months ago, i finally let my gaurd down.

And thats when my mom comes up to me and tells me my sophmore year religion teacher was there. Checking out at the front

When i tell you I almost shat myself

I felt my heart drop to my stomach and my heart felt like it was gonna burst out of my body. My arms felt heavy and weak and i felt like i was gonna throw up and i was shaking. My sister helpef me calm down thankfully but oml i was so scared but at the sane time i wanted to run after her and beat the living shit out of her. We ended up seeing her walk away throu the glass windows, and im glad i didnt see her face. I wanted to run to her car, slash her tires, break her window, and then break her fucking face.

I dont think im a violent person, i am the type of person who doesnt kill flies or spiders, and i have learned to not hate those who have done very bad tbings to me. Hate is horrible, and ik God wants us to love each other.

But with this teacher, i cant find it in my heart. She's the only person i can truely say i hate. HATE. with all of my being. She made my life a living hell. Even though i havent seen her in years, she still affects my life. I'll never be able to have a normal life because of that horrible piece of human shit. I hate her so much. I hate her because she hurts people. Ik some people hurt people because they themsleves are hurt, or sometimes they dont even realize or mean to hurt others.

But this woman hurts people because she likes it. I saw how she liked making people feel small. She liked seeing people cry. She liked having the power over young vulnerable kids. She liked using God as an excuse to scare and hurt people. She hurts people because she likes it

And i hate people like that. They do it out of fun.

Im trying to lesrn to forgive, and i have. With mqny, many, many other things. But not her. I dont tjink i can ever forgive her in this life time.

Anyway, after that we met josh at our house and we went tonwalmart with him. Then we got home and he stayed there to eat. I kept being like "ooh haha im kinda tired and wanna go to sleep and study cuz i got a test tomorrow!!!" Mostly cuz yea that was true but also cuz i NEEDED to finish my part of the art trade. But he didnt get the hint and stayed until past 11. And only cuz i straight up was like "ok dude imma go to sleep i cant"