#feather dusters

“Uh, what the heck is going on?” Roman laughed off their behaviours. 

“Hmm, just thinking of doing some cleaning but then again maybe I’ll leave that for another day. Excuse me,” Deceit smiled sinisterly and then got up from the table to disappear into his room for the day. Remus heaved a dramatic sigh and thunked his head on the table. 

“I concur with Roman. What was that all about?” Logan raised an eyebrow with a tired bored tone. 

“That’s Deceit’s tickly feathers. You don’t mess with that,” Virgil sleepily shuddered and went back to resting on his arms. 

“Yeah! Man he hasn’t threatened that in ages! I thought I was doing so well! Aw man, I’ll never break my record,” Remus grumbled. His record of not needing to be threatened with the Tickly Feathers was only 13 days. 

“Threatened you... with a feather duster?” Roman laughed.

“His tickly feathers?” Patton asked with a playful smile. He already had an inkling now of what Deceit had been implying. Hey, takes tickle monster a to know a tickle monster!

“Deceit’s tickly feathers! When we were young, we would get on his nerves all the time and so he would threaten to tickle us with that stupid feather duster. He always called it his tickly feathers. Man, that was our version of the monster under the bed!” Remus happily retold. Roman only frowned before turning around.

“But feathers aren’t even that ticklish though? Remus you’re not even really feather ticklish! I mean how bad could that even be?” 

Both of the dark sides looked silently at him. Their faces set in a grimace. Wide eyes of panic. 

“No no no,” Virgil tutted.

“You don’t fight against Deceit’s tickly feathers!” Remus gasped.

“You just don’t understand...”

“We’re not overreacting! Hell I’d say we’re underreacting!”

“It’s Deceit’s tickly feathers...”

“They’re the most ticklish thing in this entire world. No I don’t understand it either. I don’t need to! It is the greatest torture known to man. All I need to know is that there’s no fighting against the tickly feath-”

“Wait, that’s the most ticklish thing you’ve ever experienced?” Patton asked, his head tilted cutely. Both sides sucked a deep breath and winced before saying ‘of course’. Patton put on an exaggerated pouty face. Maybe a certain tickle monster was getting too cocky and confident with that title. Maybe the true tickle monster had to step in and show him who was the very best tickle monster...

“Not even compared to the time that I played ‘round and round the garden’ with a toothbrush on your tummy...” Patton whimpered deliberately, making sure his voice was extra cutesy. He was the ultimate tickle monster! Deceit was just the newby! 

“Uh...” Virgil blushed a violent red and buried his head in his hands, Patton chuckled in his victory before, “I mean yeah! I agree with Remus. I have no idea how he does it.”

“Not even the time I first made you cry just from one finger!” Patton quickly devolved into desperation. 

“Nothing compares...” Virgil shuddered like he had dealt with some horrific event. To him, he had with every single time Deceit pulled out his tickly feathers. 

Breakfast was then spent with Patton trying to convince everyone at the table that he was the true tickle monster! Right Logan, remember how it feels when he gets his footsies! C’mon Roman he must be the best tickler based on his begging! He always thought that he had done great with tickling! He knew everyone’s favourite spots and their worst spots. He could spend days in a particular ler mood where he made his way round the mindscape. It wasn’t fair. So a plan was hatched...

“Hey, Jay! How are you?” Patton practically sang as he peeked through Janus’ door. 

“Oh not bad, extremely way too busy thank you very much. How are you?” Janus smiled as he turned around from his desk. 

“Oh yeah yeah not bad. So I was wondering...” Patton mumbled and now ran up to the desk. Deceit simply raised a brow at his ridiculousness, “So what’s that thing with the feather duster? Your... oh what did Remus call it... your tickly feathers?” 

He simply smiled in response and summoned the duster again with a proud flourish. It looked completely ordinary. Closer inspection only revealed that it was fairly old and well used. The handle had a chip missing and some parts scraped away. The feathers were clearly dulled as they were probably originally illuminous yellow. “This old thing. It’s a very useful tool in helping certain overthinking and whiny sides to quiet down. It doesn’t work very well at all,” He chuckled. 

“Yeah but it can’t tickle that bad! I happen to know that Remus isn’t very feather ticklish. He needs firmer crazy tickles to get to him. Maybe you would only use light tickles to wind him up if he’s in a lee mood. And Virgil! Virgil is feather ticklish but it’s so so so much more effective to just use your fingers! Your ‘tickly feathers’ can’t be that good!” Patton panted before blushing himself. That was... rambly and extreme. But Deceit only smiled wider.  

“Oh, would you like to test it?” He didn’t need to bother asking. He already launched at him and knocked him back on to the bed. Patton squealed before then swatting away at his hands but Deceit took a moment before whipping up his shirt. 

It was just a feather duster. Just feathers. Too soft to really tickle. 

Patton was aware of all of this. 

Yet he screamed in laughter immediately. The feathers left tingles with every tiny brush. Thousands of feathers sweeping across his torso. Feathers tingling in his belly button. It tickled so much. 

“AAAAAHhahaAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHA DEHAHEHEHA DEHAH D-DECEIT!” Patton squirmed harder but Janus had no problem pinning Patton down. Of course he wouldn’t. He had Remus the bucking bull as practise! 

“Yes? Do you finally understand what had Remus and Virgil so well behaved? How long do you think you could put up with these tickles?” Janus smiled, his tone monotone but he already knew that teasing baby talk was too much for anyone. 

“AAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!” Patton laughed endlessly. There was no use fighting back. Every second, it felt like he was becoming more and more ticklish. What started as surprised belly laughs were evolving into screaming cackles. It tickled so much! It tingled! The feathers seemed everywhere. But... he had a title of THE tickle monster to defend. 

Patton, drawing in whatever energy he had, launched upwards and pushed Deceit away. He fell away easily but Patton had to strike fast. Grabbing the duster, he went for whatever was nearest. He scooped up Janus’ foot and then attacked with the feathers. “WAIT! WaitwaitwaitwaahhahhhahAHAHAHAAAA!” Janus cried out. 

“There can only be one tickle monster around here! Tickle tickle tickle!” Patton cooed. He tried to angle the duster so the feathers only just about brushed his foot but Deceit was thrashing around way too much. Yet the fight wasn’t over. It wasn’t long until Patton felt squeezing hands latch desperately to his sides. 

“AH! HAHAahehahehehe! Deceit! Give ihi heheh Give in!” 

“AHAHAAHAHANEHHAHA NEVER! HAHAHAAAA!” 

“Ihihm the thihckle monster of the hahaAHAA mindscape!” 

“WAAHAHAAHAHAHA WAIT! STOP!” Janus finally called out.

They both pulled away and panted. Patton rubbed his sides while Deceit simply went boneless. “I propose a deal...” 

“Heh, like the snake of Eden?” Patton joked but did look over at him. 

“You want the title of The tickle monster of the mindscape. But I take great pride in being the tickle monster that haunts Vee and Ree,” Janus stuttered at the nicknames that fell naturally. But it was too late and Patton was already squealing. He carried on before he would be teased again, “I say we join forces!”

“Join forces?”

“The union of tickle monsters. Providing laughs for over 30 years!” Janus laughed. 

“Deal... but only if you tell me just what exactly that feather duster is!” Patton exclaimed and kicked the duster away to prove his point, but that little contact instantly sent his into a scream of laughter, “There’s no way that should tickle nearly as much as it does!”

Janus looked carefully from side to side before then staring deeply into Patton’s very soul. He leaned in close and so Patton leaned in to meet him (this time making sure he wasn’t anywhere near those devilish feathers).

“This information doesn’t leave this room. My reputation rides on this little fact and so it is highly confidential,” Janus threatened with a hard glare, Patton nodded quickly, “Vee and Ree think that it’s just a normal feather duster. That I must just summon a regular ol’ duster. It’s not. It’s all on me. If the duster was just magical then they could have just grabbed it at any time and turned the tables. Rather I instil it to be magically ticklish and so its power fades the second I let go of it.”

Patton gasped and listened closely. He guessed that made sense, if it was just magical then surely anyone could steal it and Deceit would lose his tickle monster fame. 

“But I thought you couldn’t do magic!” Patton exclaimed, “I thought only Roman and Remus could do that!” Janus smiled brightly at that.

“That’s what everyone thinks! I have a limited use of magic. And I put that to use to tickle to death the two annoying brats I helped raised,” Janus chuckled and shook his head as he remembered all the times he terrorised those two. Sometimes fair other times he just enjoyed their shrieks of panic and joy. 

“Hey wait! Then why did it tickle you so much when I used it on you right now?” Patton pointed his finger at him like he was Watson figuring out crimes. But just like Watson, he was wrong. Janus looked away and bit his lip, “I mean you were practically screaming in ticklishness?”

“I may or may not happen to be very... vulnerable to certain tools... including feathers...” Janus blushed and grumbled. Patton squealed and launched into a hug. They sat there for a while before another wicked idea pinged into Janus’ mind. A very deceptive plan, “Patton? Can you do some magic?”

Remus and Virgil were sitting in the common room. The incident of the tickly feathers completely forgotten to the sides. They were just enjoying the rare times where neither were panicking or rambling, both were simply scrolling through tumblr and only looking up to show off a meme. They didn’t even look up when Patton and Janus silently entered the room and stood over them. 

Janus coughed and they both looked up with bored expressions that didn’t last. 

Janus was wielding the familiar sight of Deceit’s Tickly Feathers. But what wasn’t familiar was the duster in Patton’s grip. It was the exact design. Frogs were perched all over the handle and had bright brand new blue feathers. Both of them had an identical grin. 

And so Remus and Virgil had identical looks of excited horror. They both screamed dramatically and lurched forward. Both of them stumbling like toddlers on ice as they tried to run away.