Diving with Clowns and Cowboys
In my many years of diving, few things have disappointed and frustrated me more than diving with clowns and cowboys. Now, before you judge me for judging others, let me say that few things please me more than diving with new buddies. I believe the wonders of the underwater world and the pleasures of scuba diving should be available to anyone who has the desire to enjoy it and who demonstrates the discipline to obtain proper training. Unfortunately, some divers behave in ways that diminish the diving experience for others and sometimes their behavior ranges from ridiculous to dangerous.
Let’s identify what kind of characters are involved. Clowns seem carefree and entertaining at the circus. Their comic expressions, slapstick routines, and jokes are designed to mock reality and make us laugh by contrasting serious with silly. Most clowns need a straight man, someone to be the target of their jokes, or around whom they can contrive a laughable situation. Clowns attempt to distract their audience from their lives with humor.
Scuba clowns are similar in many ways. They seek attention from others, they look for laughs, and they make a joke out of just about anything. Scuba clowns seldom allow a dive briefing to continue without a few interruptions. They often interject wry comments and ask intentionally stupid questions. They mock discussions about planning, gear checks, and safety as unnecessary, trivial, or boring. They speak out of turn during roll calls. They are boastful, rude, and braggadocious. Sometimes, they take a poke at other divers by ridiculing one’s gear configuration, fin selection, or choice of exposure suit. If you ever heard someone mocked because they wore a snorkel or carried a knife, you may have seen a clown in action.
Clowns love practical jokes. They are famous for hiding someone’s gear, shortening BCD crotch straps, and rubbing foul-tasting substances on regulator mouthpieces, but it is in the water where clowns are most unpredictable. They make comic water entries, swim in unnatural positions, and make confusing hand signals. More extreme behavior includes pulling on a buddy’s regulator hose, loosening someone’s tank strap, activating another’s BCD inflator valve, and feigning distress.
If you feel uncomfortable imagining this clownish behavior actually occurring, you are not alone. Responsible divers love to have fun but never at the expense of another. Clowns actually believe their stunts are funny and they are often surprised when not only their buddy turns against them but their audience, too. Most scuba clowns do not realize that their antics may distract others enough to cause real trouble to occur. Their mockery can quickly turn to mourning once it becomes apparent that they contribute to distress, injury, or worse.
Cowboys are almost the other extreme from clowns. Instead of craving attention, they shun it. The cowboy mystique is that of a man and his horse, alone on the prairie, self-sufficient, and self-reliant. Cowboys survive on the frontier where danger lurks and one’s wits are the most effective weapon. There are no rules except the ones one makes for himself. Or, so it goes in the movies.
Scuba cowboys are a bit like their Wild West brothers. They usually seem quiet and aloof. They sit apart and gear up separately. Because they seldom have a buddy, they reluctantly accept one assigned them but offer little of themselves to that buddy before a dive. Cowboys appear competent and comfortable before a dive; they seldom ask questions or seek assistance. Many accept that behavior as pleasant, polite, and reaffirming (maybe because the last dive included a clown) but little do they realize what lies ahead.
Once scuba cowboys hit the water, it may be the last anyone sees of them before it is time to surface. Even if they linger long enough to ensure their buddy reaches depth safely, they usually take off to explore the site on their own. Sometimes a cowboy acknowledges that he has a partner enough to let him tag along. He seldom, if ever, turns around to check on him and the other diver better keep up or get left behind. Cowboys keep on riding, sometimes according to plan but usually shooting from the hip and following whatever trail seems nice. They know they have enough air to do what they want, as long as they want, so they keep on going until the very last moment. These are the last ones to surface and often farthest from the boat or beach.
It would be enough that scuba cowboys followed their lonesome ways and accepted the risks of diving alone but the result is often a problem for other divers. Even if an abandoned dive buddy unites with another group of divers, no one is sure what became of Hop-A-Long Cassidy. Standard buddy separation procedures call for searching submerged for no more than a minute, then surfacing to reunite. If scuba cowboy keeps swimming submerged, other divers may presume he is lost or imperiled. They may discontinue their dives to begin searching for him. His continued absence may cause divers to risk their own comfort and safety by leaving their scheduled dive site to explore an expanded area, possible to encounter undesirable currents or conditions they may assume influenced the lost diver.
Both clowns and cowboys exhibit a form of selfishness that is annoying at best and deadly in the worst possible situations. Their behavior deserves to be addressed according to the circumstances. The appropriate word at the right time may make a difference or it may not, but one should at least try. Dive masters can ask clowns to remain quiet during briefings, sometimes allowing an uncomfortable pause following an interruption. Practical jokers and pranksters should be confronted by all parties, not just the victim of their tricks. When all else fails, take away the clown’s ultimate desire – the audience. Just ignore the idiot until he stops talking. Next trip, everyone remember to leave that diver on the beach.
Cowboys require a different approach. Buddies must express their expectation for companionship during the dive and elicit some kind of commitment. Sometimes, it does not hurt to ask if the diver just wants some space to explore alone. If the answer is yes, buddy up with someone else. If a cowboy wanders off during a dive, never assume it was just his nature to do so. Responsible divers are obligated to follow standard procedures for buddy separation. Once it is discovered the diver separated intentionally and did not surface, communicate accordingly and plan to make other arrangements on future dives.
Diving is supposed to be fun for all and it will be when everyone follows basic rules of dive safety and social interaction. When dysfunctional personality types appear on the scene, identify them as you would any environmental hazard. Assess, address, and act accordingly.
