FIVE TIMES SAM DIDN'T TEXT ; THE ONE TIME SHE DID .
I. 5:13:59 am JOSH W. || So, there's a new movie coming out Friday do you want
She deletes it before she even finishes it and hides the phone under her pillow, feeling silly and stupid and ridiculous. She can't ask him. He's her best friend's brother.
II. 12:15:41 pm JOSH W. || I miss them so much it physically hurts you know? I keep going over it.
Halfway through the confession, she stops herself. She can't send that. He's hurting more than her. He lost his family. Her loss pales in comparison. So she tosses the phone to the side and resorts to sobbing in the stupid red stuffed hedgehog Hannah got for her on a Valentine's Day when they were younger. She doesn't remember falling asleep.
III. 6:03:11 am JOSH W. || Do you blame me for their deaths? You should
She's not brave enough to send it. She's not brave enough to sleep and face the nightmares and the panic that comes on the heels of it. Ha. She blames herself. That's enough.
IV. 9:56:15 pm JOSH W. || Are you sure going back to the mountain is a good idea?
Unsent because she can't ask it. She can't question him. If this is how heneeds to deal with things, then she will allow it.
V. 10:45:13 am JOSH W. || Please answer me. Please let me know you're okay. I know what Mike said, but I can't believe it. Josh, please. I can't lose you too.
It's not sent because she knows where his phone is. She knows because she found it. But she still tries from the small bathroom of the ranger station. She tries to ignore the tight swirling in her stomach. She wants him to be okay. But she knows the truth.
I. 1:17:33 pm JOSH W. || I'm sorry, I was out with my parents. Did you wanna come over later? You know my family'd love to have you for dinner.
This is a message from the past that she reads and it brings a tightness to her throat, but she refuses to cry. She will be unfeeling. She will be numb. She will not be weak again.
