#fantasyself

Today while writing my thesis paper I stumbled across a scary relation. 

So, in gothic novel and Schauerliteratur there are a lot if technics used to create fear. One that often appears in werwolves and when the main character is slowly going mad is the concept of a dreamself. This dreamself is manifesting itself in the main character throughout the story and the splitt in the personality is one of the things used to create fear. 

So, the idea behind it is not only the fear of losing ones mind but also the danger from that second personality The dreampersona is often more desirable than the characters reality and there is usually three ways for that story to end. Either the dreamself gets killed as it is not accepted in society and the character dies as well (as they still share the same body), the character kills themselve because they desire the dreamself over themselve, or the dreamself kills the character. This can either mean kill physically or just mentally (so the soul of the character get’s destroyed). 

In either case the character dies. 

So how is this connected to social media? 

Some of you might be familiar with the term fantasy self. 

For those who are not: In short it is a version everyone creates of themself. Like my fantasyself actually sticks to that promise of exercising three times a week and eating less sweets. Everyone has these fantasyselfs. The person we want to be but are not and probably will never be because deep inside what we desire to be isn’t really what we want. (Like while i desire to be fitter I like my comfort and choclate even more). 

There is nothing wrong with having that fantasy self. 

But that’s where social media come into the game. Social media allow people to make this fantasy self physical. At least in a certain way. Other people can interact with that fantasyself and won’t even know it’s not a fanatsy self and through that interaction and the positive feedback that fantasyself manifests. The person, though, is still very aware that that fantasyself that goes to the gym twice a week and posts pictures of it real. They still don’t enjoy sports and still eat all that chocolate, they just keep that to themselve. Fanatsyself doesn’t have those problems. All the negative aspects only get connected to the real person while everything positive is the fantasyself. 

I think it’s obvious where I’m going with this. Dreamself and Fantasyself are interchangable. It’s a modern case of Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hide. 

Of course, I know that the real live is way more complicated than literature. But I think it’s something to think about. In the 19th century people wrote horrorstorys about what is normal for many many people nowadays. And while I don’t have any stats or anything I believe there already are people who fell victim to their fantasyself. 

I’ve been reflecting on various aspects of my fantasy self recently, and how it’s often influenced by fantasy-based logic. I've noticed that I have often subconsciously engaged in a certain type of magical thinking, where I assumed that if I was able to achieve x in my life, everything else would work out for me and fall into place. Or perhaps I assumed that reaching one goal would somehow lead to reaching another, unrelated, goal. 

Some examples could include:

If I could just live in the right suburb or city, I would suddenly have the social life I always wanted.

If I had my dream job, it would be easy to meet the ideal partner. 

If I found the love of my life, then my trauma and mental health issues would be resolved.

The tricky thing is, there is often a grain of truth in these assumptions. Living in a different suburb or city may enhance your social life, or at the very least, make certain events easier to access. For some people it can be truly life-changing! Having a more active social life can make it easier to find a partner or network to find a job. Sometimes it's not even the social life in itself that leads you to find a partner, but the increase in happiness and confidence that draws people towards you.

The problem is, these results are not guaranteed. Plenty of people have vibrant, active social lives and remain single for years. Many find a compatible partner but still struggle with depression, unresolved trauma, or lack of purpose in their lives. Or they may still feel lonely due to a lack of friendships and community. Friendships and romantic partnerships can provide valuable support, but they don't resolve unrelated problems such as frustration in one’s career.

A significant factor that fuels the fantasy self is this kind of magical thinking. We fixate on one particular goal or dream, and assume it will resolve everything in all aspects of our lives. Yet the harsh reality is, this often isn't the case. Life is far more wild and complex than that! 

It also doesn't help that a great deal of advice on the internet seems to point people in this direction. I've noticed especially that dating advice for men seems to focus on self-improvement, as if that will automatically lead to finding a partner. Sure, it's a good idea and it will probably improve the odds. It may boost someone's confidence and self worth. However, having a good job, a fit body and a nice lifestyle doesn't automatically lead to love. Finding romantic chemistry and long-term compatibility with another person is something that we can't fully control or predict. 

I have been guilty of this kind of fantasy-based logic, though it's often a thought-process that operates on a deeply unconscious level. When you actually examine it, it's easy to see the flaws in this type of thinking. But it's a common logical fallacy that most of us succumb to, to one degree or another. 

Advertising and marketing preys on this tendency we have, by persuading us that buying a certain car or wearing a certain watch will give us a certain lifestyle, make us more attractive, and create certain emotional states. And maybe there is a grain of truth to it. Wearing or owning certain items can be a status symbol, and may give us social cachet in circles where money and status are highly valued. Yet it certainly doesn't guarantee anything, and rarely delivers on what the advertisements promise. So how can we overcome this? I would say the most important step is simply awareness, and bringing these thoughts into consciousness. It can help to talk about them with others and journal about them, to gain clarity and evaluate them more rationally. Practicing mindfulness and observing our thoughts can help us to gain some distance and perspective on these unconscious assumptions, and enable us to gently challenge them. 

When we set a goal or identify a dream for our lives, it may be useful to ask ourselves - what do we expect will be the outcome? How do we want to feel? Are we expecting that achieving one goal will automatically lead to other hopes and dreams coming true? What is our real, underlying motivation?