#fantasiarptask

Fagin kept shuffling in his position sat on the window ledge. It was visible just how uncomfortable it actually was. He’d heard writing letters to people from the past allowed you to get everything out - So perhaps this would be a good exercise for him. With the fact that he was currently clean, this was the first opportunity he’d had to actually think about what might be good for him. Fagin eventually put the pen in his hand to the paper in front of him.

Hi Mom. I’m in a pretty decent place at the moment. So I actually have the capacity to do this. Normally it’s not something I’d think about, doing something for myself. 

He could already feel himself rambling. So, he stopped to take a breather. Fagin rested his head back with his eyes closed. A couple of minutes later, he returned to his task.

I don’t know what you’re like. I don’t know who you are. Literally all I know about you is my last name. It doesn’t take much to figure out why you left though. You had a lot of issues. You passed a lot of them down to me, which is why I know you had them in the first place.

Another breather. Fagin pressed the back of his hands to his eyes. If he could stop the tears from actually falling from his eyes, he wouldn’t have to admit that they were ever there. he simultaneously didn’t care, and did care about his mother. He didn’t because she wasn’t involved in his life, and obviously hadn’t wanted to be either. Yet, even without being present, she’d been by far one of the strongest influences on how he’d turned out.

You could have at least tried to take care of me. Even if it had been a couple of weeks or something before you realized you couldn’t. You could have at least tried. But,

It wasn’t fair to be so harsh on her. If anything, he knew better than most people what it was life.

But I can’t blame you really. I know better than anyone what it’s like to feel like your entire body is screaming out for a fix. And no matter how hard you try to not, you’ve just got to because it hurts so much. 

Fagin swallowed hard and had to set the paper down. Even at the thought of having a fix, he felt his entire body aching. It took a couple of circles around his room before he even started to think about sitting down. This time when he did, he did it with a cigarette in his mouth. It wasn’t exactly what his body wanted, but it was an acceptable filler.

I have a lot of behaviour issues that mean I’m not really great to be around a lot of the time. The doctors and the people in the foster system told me that it’s because of the addictions that I was born with. So it’s not really my fault but it’s still shit and I’m the one who has to deal with it. Even though you never believed in yourself and you never believed in me, I’ve actually got people around me now who do believe in me. They actually believe enough to stick around most of the time.

The only reason Fagin was able to get as far with his sobriety attempts were because of the people around him. So it made him think really. Did his mother have the same? Had she ever been afforded the same kindness. He had a decent group of people - Dodger, Rita, Tito, Einstein, Francis. Heck, even Crystal. And everyone wasn’t always on his side. Not all of them were always his biggest fans. But all of them had always tried their best to help him.

I hope that you have someone who believes in you because it will help you get better. Even if not all the way better, at least a little. I assume that my Dad didn’t help much?

He took another break to take a couple of drags from his cigarette. To be honest, this was already far shorter than he had anticipated. But, he’d done it none-the-less. Fagin looked over to the unaddressed envelope waiting on the shelf.

I think I’m always going to be a bit mad to be honest that I didn’t even really get a chance. It’s unfair. But I guess since I’ve dealt with the same problems as you, I understand why it was probably a really rough time. And at least, because you left me at the hospital, I did find my own family in the end. 

Solomon Fagin.