#fandomhug

So...Supernatural is going to end. God, those words don’t even seem real. I mean, Supernatural, as so many fans can attest, is so so so so so much more than just a television show. For me, Supernatural was just there for me. It was a safe place every week to just escape for forty minutes into a world of family and love and fighting for what’s right as well as for one’s self/family. I was really late to the show and have only been watching for a little over two years now, but it has become a major part of my life by now, it changed me to the person I am today. Supernatural is the reason I have two of my best friends right now. Supernatural was there when I was discovering myself and it helped me to not feel alone, it helped me to not panic and to just lose myself in a world where two brothers fight for each other no matter what. Supernatural encouraged me to write and to be creative first through fanfiction then through my own works. Supernatural was there for me every week, it keeps me going when sometimes I want to give up. Every week in school I push through with the reminder of an episode at the end of the week to get me through. Without it, I’m not sure I would be here. It taught me to Always Keep Fighting and for that I have the actors to thank.

First of all, Jared taught me so much about mental health. As a person with anxiety and spurs of depression, I felt alienated and I felt that it was only me going through something, that I was insane and just needed to ‘get over it’. Jared taught me that I am not alone and that I just need to keep fighting. I know that my mental issues are never really going to go away, and that’s why I just need to keep fighting and to learn to take breathers when I need it. I learned to prioritize myself through watching the show because it reminded me to just breathe, at least once a week. I forget quite often and push myself too hard, but when I put on that show, I remember to keep fighting, just like the Winchesters. So for that, thank you so much Jared. Thank you, thank you, thank you for caring so much to share your own story and to inspire so much hope for us little guys.

Misha, where do I even start? Misha taught me to be myself. To not try to be my role model but to be myself and to keep fighting to be the best version of myself. He gave me hope that I am enough, just as I am. He taught me to not try to be normal, to embrace my quirks and to show them to the world without fear of judgement. By him just being himself and telling us about his past, he gave us all hope that we can make it too as long as we stay true to ourselves. So for that, thank you Misha. Thank you for being yourself and teaching us to be ourselves as well. Thank you.

Last, but not least, Jensen taught me that actors can care so much about the fandom as well. In multiple conventions it’s obvious he cares so much about the fan base and the people. He makes me feel important and by watching the show I feel like I’m part of something bigger. His relationship with both Jared and Misha taught me about chosen family and I can’t thank him enough. Supernatural taught me about chosen family as well and I keep fighting for those people I choose, those that accept me for who I am and constantly challenge me. I love them so much and Supernatural has become part of that chosen family as well. So thank you for teaching me about family and about how much you genuinely care. Thank you.

But it’s not only the actors, it’s their characters as well that got me out of a rut. Dean Winchester - funny, brave, geeky, lover of Vonnegut, big brother, protector, strong, loving, caring, badass - kept me going when I needed to just fight through all the shit in life; as an oldest sibling myself, I resonated with his need to protect Sammy, his lil brother, from the crap in the world that sometimes included shit parents. He also taught me quality music and is the reason I listen to classic rock and love it so much; he also taught me about Vonnegut through a brief mentioning and is the reason I found that literary gold mine. Sam Winchester - compassionate, empathetic, fighter, smart college kid, nerdy, strong, protector, book lover, research nerd - taught me to keep fighting through mental health (much like his actor, Jared); he taught me to keep fighting not only for myself but also for family and taught me resiliency and to just talk to people. We constantly see the Winchesters hiding their feeling and causing everything to go wrong, so I learned to not bottle it up and to talk to those I trust when it gets too much. They taught me that I’m not alone and that sometime we need others to help us fight our battles when we are struggling. Castiel Winchester - fighter, badass angel, ignorant to pop culture, caring, paving his own road - taught me that family is worth more than armies; he taught me to keep fighting for what I believe in no matter what others say is right. His love for Dean (subtextually or not) showed me what true love is and what true friendship (maybe more) is worth. Also, Team Free Will in itself taught me to find my own damn way and that I can change my path as long as I keep fighting for what I want, that nothing is hopeless, that there is always another way. To think that I will not have any new episodes to see their lives kills me, but I knew it would come someday or another. I just wasn’t really ready for it to happen now. Not at all.

Supernatural has helped me through some of the darkest times of my life and kept me going. When I realized I am Pansexual, I felt alone and the Supernatural fandom - as one of the most accepting fandoms out there - helped me to accept myself (Destiel really helped as well *wink*). It feels like I’m now going to lose a part of myself, but I know that the fandom will never die, I know that the actors will still care about us, I know that I can still come back and find that family again in the show and in the fandom. I will never forget about the show as it has become a part of who I am in so many ways as I know the fandom will never die. I feel like I’m rambling, but I cannot stop crying over this. It has gotten a bit better after the initial shock, but it just hurts so bad to think that it’s going to end when it has been a constant every week. What hurt the most was how torn up all the actors were about announcing this, but the fact that they told us instead of waiting, that’s how important they think we are. That’s how much they care. That is so rare in any tv show that I broke. I know many of us are struggling right now at having to accept this reality, but I want you to know that this is a safe place to talk. This is part of my family and it always will be.

I know that the show might end with the boys dying and, honestly, I kind of hope it does. If they’re alive, I will always hope for the show to return. I just want them to be happy and I think the only way that can happen is if the show ends with them in heaven with Bobby and Charlie and everyone else they lost. For the boys to be in heaven with Cas and Jack coming to live there with them. For Sam and Dean to forever be together as brothers, as the basis of this show. With Cas and Dean in the background holding hands and smiling at each other. Maybe some Carry On in the background. That is how I need this show to end, but I’m terrified they will end it on a miserable note and I would not be able to handle that at all.

I cannot accept this reality right now, but I know I eventually must. I just feel like I’m losing something as I know so many of us feel we are, as if we just lost a loved one, as if we just lost a family. But it will live one. I need to accept that. I will never stop loving this show and this fandom and this family. I will still create fanfiction and I will still keep these lessons this show and these actors taught me for forever. I’m glad these actors have a chance to be with their kids and their wives more and I will never forget the lessons they taught me. Never never never. We live on.