#fallout aries

You had crashed for the night in the tent that the Blue Ridge Caravan Company guards and merchants used, courtesy of Aries letting you borrow his cot. You had tried to turn down his offer, told him that you were fine making the walk back to your camp, but he wasn't having any of it so you didn't argue. Truth be told you were too tired to work out a compromise with him anyway. A few minutes past and the ruckus outside the tent calmed down, you laid on the bed and Aries took up guard at the threshold between the tent and outside. You sighed, rolled over, and fell asleep. 

There were no sweet dreams for you, however. Ever since you had explored the Van Lowe Taxidermy shop down in Lewisburg and found that holotape that had recorded Calvin Van Lowe’s last moments down in that basement you couldn’t get the sound of his scream out of your head. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Clavin’s story and Aries’s story were one and the same, which made the holotape even more sickening to you. 

No matter what you did you couldn’t close your eyes without seeing the events from the tape unfold, unable to stop any of it. The way he had seemed so confident in his skills to reprogram the assaultron, the panic in his voice when he had realized the thing had misheard him, and the bloodcurdling scream that followed as the robot clawed and ripped away at him. The echoing “Baa” at the end always waking you up from the horror scene. The horrific and gory nightmare followed you around like an angry ghost, haunting your dreams and making it hard for you to get any sleep. 

The same nightmare plagued you tonight as well, making you toss and turn on the mattress. Aries didn't notice the way you flopped around or how your face twisted in fear, he had fallen asleep standing up, something he had learned from staying with the caravaners for a while. 

The dream unfolded the same way it always did, the insane assaultron slicing into Aries followed by his screams. Screams that sent a shiver down your spine and made your skin crawl with agony. The machine noises stopped and the imposter sheepsquatch, satisfied that Calvin was now down for the count, let out a low rumbling “BAA” that echoed in your ears, and that was when you startled awake, bolting upright in the bed.

“ARIES!” you screamed out, breathing in raggedly. Your hands wouldn't stop shaking and your vision blurred up with hot tears that threatened to fall down your face. 

“What?! What's happening?” he asked in a panic, shoving himself off of the wall of the tent. “Y/n? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He asked you, rushing towards you. 

“I...um...you...I...oh god…” your tears began to overflow and you pulled your hands up to cover your face. 

“Hey, everything’s okay.” He told you as he sat down on the cot, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer to him. “Nightmare?” He asked. And even though he couldn’t see your face anymore he could feel you moving your head in a nod against his chest. He gently ran one hand through your hair while you continued to cry, using the other to hold on to you tightly in an attempt to make you feel safe. He could feel your whole body shaking now and it made his heartache to see you so scared, so frightened by something he had no control over. But soon the sobs turned into heavy breaths with the occasional sniffle and the shaking had lessened. 

You pulled away from him, running the sleeve of your shirt over your eyes, clearing any leftover tears. You opened your mouth to say something, but when you looked up and saw the blue gas mask that covered his face, you bit your lip in an attempt to stop the waterworks from starting up again. You focused your gaze on your hands instead. Aries noticed, however. 

“Somethin' wrong? I mean, besides the whole bad dream thing. You almost seem like you’re scared of me.” He reached for one of your hands and you let him take it, still refusing to look him in the face. He ran his thumb over your knuckles. You took a deep breath before trying to respond. 

“I...no, it’s just…” you took another deep breath, trying to find the right words, thankful that he was a fairly patient person when it came to things like this. “What do you know about a Calvin Van Lowe?” You asked. 

“You mean the guy who those dumb sheepsquatch posters talk about? Heard he died in some robot accident. Nasty stuff. What does he have to do about any of this, though? Did you know him before the war or somethin'?” 

You couldn’t help but smile a little bit. His attempt at trying to cover up his past was kinda cute, if albeit worthless. Anyone with half a brain could easily spot the similarities between the scene at the taxidermy shop and the story that Aries told people whenever they asked about his past. 

“Not exactly. I went to that taxidermy shop a while back, the one that’s described on those posters, and found a lot of...interesting things. A lot of blood, no Calvin though. Felt awful about the whole thing, poor guy must’ve been in a world of hurt what with how much blood there was...Found a holotape too, his damn terminal recorded the scene. Calvin was nowhere to be found though. Worst part was I could swear I had heard his voice somewhere before, it sounded so familiar.” You finally had the strength to look at him without fear of crying again, and even with his mask on you could tell he was a little bewildered. Suppose he thought no one would’ve pieced the two stories together and figured it out. 

“You know you’re a lot smarter than you lead on.” He said, tilting his head a little to the side out of admiration. 

“Suppose it helps to keep some things hidden, although...I’m sure you know all about that...Van Lowe.” 

He chuckled softly at the sound of his old name. “Think I see what’s going on now.” His tone fell serious. “This holotape...scares you, doesn’t it? Wouldn’t blame you, Bet it doesn’t sound all that pleasant…” 

The memory of the horrific sounds hit you again, forcing you to look back down at your hands. You twisted and turned your fingers around in an attempt to distract yourself from the screams and mechanical noises that rang through your head. But Aries slipped his hand into one of your own, lacing his fingers with yours and squeezing gently. 

“But look, I’m still here, aren’t I? Even after you found a second one of those bastards over in Harpers Ferry, I’m still alright. And trust me, what happened in that basement isn’t something that’ll happen again. It’ll get more of a fight next time one of them decides to poke their head out.” 

You smiled weakly. His reassurance wasn’t comforting, you didn’t want to think about if, or when, there would be a “next time”. Unconsciously you bit your lip, but Aries was quick to notice your nervousness. He reached down to untie the laces on his boots, taking them off and throwing them to the side. 

“What are you…?” 

“Come here.” Was all he said as he held out his open arms, not even letting you finish your question. You did as he asked and scooted closer to him. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to lay down with him. The bed was small, not made for two people, but Aries’s small frame made it so that it wasn’t an uncomfortably tight fit. You had to admit, feeling the warmth from his arms wrapped around you did make you feel a bit calmer. 

You tried to focus on your breathing, seeing if the rhythm of it could put you to sleep, but instead, all you could focus on was the sound of his breathing. The way the gas mask muffled the sounds when he inhaled and the way he choked out an exhale, hearing his breaths rattle up and out of his body. It was slightly unsettling, making a shiver run up your spine, but it also made your heartache. How painful was the simple task of breathing for him? You could feel your heart rise up in your throat just from thinking about it and you shakedly inhaled, trying to stop a sob from escaping. 

Aries heard all of this though, even if he was half asleep by now. He used his arm that was still wrapped around you to gently and reassuringly give you a small squeeze, running his fingers up and down your exposed forearm. 

“Everything’s alright,” he whispered in your ear, and in your tired state, you wanted to believe him. Maybe he was right, maybe even after all that had happened he had learned to deal with it, he was probably used to some of the pain by now anyway. 

“...Promise?” You kept your voice soft and quiet. You could hear him breathe out in a way that suggested he was smiling under his mask. 

“Promise. You know I wouldn't lie to you.” He moved his head closer to you, burying his face, well, the face of the gas mask he always wore, into your hair, his chin falling near your shoulder. 

You had to agree with him, throughout the few months that the two of you had been together he hadn’t lied once. Well except for the whole Calvin-secret-identity thing. But you supposed keeping that secret was justifiable. 

The more you thought about it the more tired you got and soon fighting sleep off became a losing battle for you. This time in your dreams though there were no imposter sheepsquatches, no blood, no screams. There was only you and Aries, together, safe and sound.

It had been a rough run through Big Bend, the brahmin barely making it through alive along with the three of you. Rudy had taken a couple of hits, a few bites, and a few scratches along with getting grazed by a few stray bullets, but you and Aries had taken the brunt of the attacks. The only reason everyone, including both brahmin, got out alive was because halfway through the tunnel you had instructed Rudy to keep moving with the Brahmin while you and Aries kept the Blood Eagles occupied, meaning that every single raider and their mongrel were focused on the two of you. 

Now the two of you were in a tent set out with cots for the guards and traders while Rudy was outside looking after the Brahmin. Vinny had closed the tent flaps behind you two so you could look after your wounds in private. 

“Lemme see your stomach,” Aries said as you sat down on a cot. 

“Why can’t we deal with your arm first?” You counter-offered. He pulled out a medicine bag from under one of the other cots. 

“My arm’ll be fine. Somethin' important could’ve been hit in your torso. Lemme see.” He sat down on the cot across from you and you realized there was no arguing to do here, he was always stubborn when it came to your well-being. 

Aries went to pull off your shirt but stopped when you winced in pain. The drying blood made the material stick to your skin like glue. He fished out a container of clean water and a semi-clean-looking rag from the medical kit. 

“Can you lay down for me?” He asked and you did so, moving carefully so you didn’t stretch any wounds open more. He wet the rag and used it to gently wipe away any crusted blood that he could get at, peeling your shirt up as he went until the entire cut was exposed, one long thin angry red line from a Blood Eagle’s switchblade. It ran almost the entire width of your stomach and it covered the entire area in a dark crimson. 

“Doesn’t look like it needs stitches, but I’m no doctor. Best I can do is clean it up and bandage it so you don’t bleed out on me.” Aries was mostly talking to himself, he didn’t wait for a response before pouring a new liquid on the scrap cloth and wiping the wound. 

“Fuck!” You yelled. You guessed the liquid was some kind of alcohol from the way it burned so badly. You wanted to push away his hand, yell for him to stop, but you knew it was better in the long run if he kept at it. The last thing you wanted was an infection. Aries seemed unfazed by your scream, until he took one of your hands in his free hand, giving it a light squeeze, his way of silently reassuring you that everything was gonna be alright. 

The burning sensation was so strong that everything was a haze until Aries put his hand behind your back and helped you sit back up. White gauze was wrapped around your torso, already being stained slightly pink as the cut began to slow its bleeding. 

He left you sitting up on your cot while he stripped off his shirt, revealing scars, both new and old, that littered his small frame. The majority of them were clustered around his neck and upper chest, and you assumed they continued up onto his face, trophies from his failed attempt of reprogramming a certain assaultron. 

The newest one added to his collection was from a Blood Eagle’s mongrel, it had caught him from behind and sunk its teeth into Aries’s forearm, near his elbow. You watched as he held his arm out over the edge of the cot and poured the alcohol over the puncture wounds. Even with his mask on you could still tell he was biting his lip to hold back a scream. The whole sight looked extremely painful and seeing him in so much pain made you wince. He tried to wrap the now heavily disinfected area in a piece of cloth, but it was difficult when he only had one hand to work with. 

“Here, let me.” You reached forward, moving to grab the makeshift bandage from his hand. 

“I got it.” He muttered under his breath. But both of you knew he couldn’t do it by himself, despite his stubbornness. So you took the two ends of the cloth from him, gently wrapping it around his arm and tucking it in itself so it didn’t unravel. Unbeknownst to you, Aries stared at the bloodstained wrist of your shirt while he waited for you to finish. 

“Did that bastard with the blade knick you in the wrist too?” He asked. The word “wrist” made you jump and you instinctively pulled your arms close to your chest. The action didn’t go unnoticed by Aries, but you played it off as if you hadn’t been startled by a single word. 

“No...no. He didn’t. That’s...old blood. Yeah. Must’ve been wearing this shirt while out hunting and forgot to wash the sleeves.” You looked down at the material that covered your wrists and forearms. One sleeve end was almost completely stained a dark red while the other just had some small spots of red polka dotting the sleeve. “It’s not important anyway,” you tried to change the subject, “How’s your arm? Your leg? Your back?” You mentally went down the list of where you had seen Aries take a hit during the fight. 

“They’re fine. Promise. Can I have a look at your wrists? Please?” Aries held out his hands. You were hesitant, not only because of the secret you were hiding but because you had a feeling that he had figured it out himself already. 

“Aries...I…” you looked down at your feet. Was there a way out of this conversation, or had the cards been revealed and your secret was up? 

“I won’t be upset. I swear.” He told you as if he could read your mind and knew you were worried. You breathed in a shaky breath and sighed, placing the wrist with the blood-stained sleeve into his hands. 

He softly ran his finger over your palm before taking ahold of the sleeve and pulling it down your arm, tearing up the dried blood that caked your skin as the material was removed. You wouldn't dare to look, turning your head to the side and staring at the wall of the tent. 

Aries stopped when the majority of your forearm was exposed. The sight made his stomach churn. What should have been soft, maybe slightly scarred, semi-clean skin was instead a messy blur of red, pink, brown, and purple. Scars, both old and new, littered every area of skin on your forearm until there was little undamaged skin left. Some scars were old, the thin and thick lines worn over with pink, blending in the new flesh with the old, but some were newer, the angry red lines surrounded by spots of purple and brown as they tried to close up and heal. 

But a few were a bright angry red, freshly dried blood caking the area in a dark crimson. The slits were fairly large and deep enough that they formed a crack in your skin. 

“When was the last time?” Aries asked, holding your wrists firmly. He didn’t sound angry, but his voice was still stern. You wanted to answer, but the words got caught in your throat. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “Y/n.” This time he was a little louder, and a little firmer. The dam behind your eyes cracked and your walls came tumbling down.

“Earlier. Before the run through the tunnel.” You blurted out, hot tears pouring down your face. “I’m sorry. Please...please don’t be mad.” Your gazes met and for the first time since the two of you met, you didn’t want to be anywhere near Aries. 

But he wasn’t mad. He didn’t yell or belittle you. Instead, he let go of your wrists and cupped your face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears. 

“You can’t be doin' this anymore sweetheart.” He said, his voice now soft and cooing. You sniffled. 

“I’m sorry...I didn’t think it would become an issue...I just…” you lost your words again, unsure of how to explain everything. Instead, you looked at him, and even though he was wearing a mask, somehow you could tell that he knew exactly how you felt. 

“I don’t want to lose you, okay? Not after everything that’s happened. I can’t. And maybe it’s selfish to think that, but I don’t care. You mean too much to me.” Aries sounded scared, and a part of you hated yourself for scaring the one person you loved the most. Especially when he was already so traumatized from everything else that had happened to him. 

“Aries...I…” your voice cracked, ending your sentence short. You took the time to think before trying to speak again. You knew trying to stop would be hard, you had been hurting yourself to cope with the world for as long as you could remember, but would it be easier with Aries right by your side? Then again, the thought of Aries having to deal with something bad happening to you made your insides churn. 

“I’m not saying you have to stop overnight. I know a habit like this takes time to break.” He looked down for a moment, running his fingers over his left wrist remorsefully. You peeked a glance and saw that he had had the same problem as you, albeit many, many years ago. White scars lined his skin near and around his wrist, but they were so old and healed over that you wouldn’t be able to tell they were even there if you weren’t looking closely. Aries knew exactly how you were feeling. 

“...you’ll help?” You asked quietly, still unsure about the whole thing. 

“Of course. You can always count on me.” He told you. His words made a smile tug at your lips. 

The two of you were quiet as he found some old cloth to use as gauze and wrapped your wrists. He was unusually gentle like if he tugged or pulled too hard he would break you like glass. Dusk fell soon enough and, after finding something to eat, the two of you fell asleep in each other’s arms. Your heart seemed to beat a little calmer than usual and you fell asleep with ease.