#falling gracelessly

She turns her head so her forehead is pressed against the center of my chest. I wonder if she can feel how fast my heart is beating. Too fast. Too much. I love her too much.

            “I would do anything in the world for you,” I whisper. “Anything. I just want you to be happy.”

            She looks up at me and her eyes are glassy, the water threatening to spill over. “Kiss me, then.”

            I promised myself I wouldn’t for her sake. I wanted her to get less attached. But that’s not happening. It’s just upsetting her more. And maybe it is too soon, and maybe I shouldn’t kiss her because of everything that’s happened in her life, and maybe she doesn’t need it.

            But I do it anyway.

            Just a quick peck on her lips.

            She lets go of my hand and my shirt and shakes her head as she steps back. “Why won’t you treat me like you used to? I hate this.”

            “Juliet –”

            The water further builds in her eyes, pooling at her lower lids. “You were all I had before. You were it. And now you’re treating me like I’ll shatter. I am not glass.”

            “I know that,” I try. But she is fragile.

            “Then kiss me like you used to kiss me,” she says firmly, crossing her arms over her chest. Her voice is strained, but the tears haven’t fallen. They’re still there, making her eyes glisten sadly.

            “Jules, what –”

            “I feel empty, Asher. Empty. There’s nothing here,” she interrupts quietly, her fingers pressing against her chest. “Please, make that go away. Please, I just can’t live with –”

            I’m going to hell for this. I step forward and close the space between us, and I kiss her. I kiss her like I used to – maybe with more longing. Maybe with more passion. My fingers tangle in her hair and I hold her face against mine with my other hand, and she grips onto my sides like I’m her only lifeline. And as she kisses me back, I feel a tear drip down her cheek and fall against my hand.

Dad laughs this angry, dark chuckle. It rings through my ears. “You love her? You don’t know anything about her. You don’t love her, Asher. And she is not anywhere near a place in her life where she can love you back.”

           “Stop!” I yell back, choking on the word. “Leave me alone!”

            “Figure it out!” May shouts again. “Who did this to me?”

            Her face is so close to mine. I see the edges of her broken teeth. I see the blue veins beneath her pale skin, beneath the layer of crimson. “Stop,” I cry pathetically. “Stop, please.”

            Footsteps. My door opening. Footsteps.

            “Asher?” Mom.

            I look up and I feel the contortion of my face. I feel the wet drops sliding down my face. May continues her bloodcurdling screams. My ears would bleed.

            “I can’t,” I try, but it only comes out as a mangled sob.

            Mom crouches down in front of me and pulls my hands from my ears. No. They’re my only protection. No.

            “Honey, what is it?” She asks, worry attacking me at full force. “What happened?”

            “Make her stop,” I cry. Anything to make her stop. My head is going to explode.

Asher, Juliet, what are you guys doing running around in my head?  FG is finished, and I've got so much work to do.  No time for you. 

. . . and then Raquel spent an hour using various apps and computer programs to simply edit a photo (because her computer is shit).